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Played by my narcissist ex boyfriend


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I don't even know where to begin with this. I've been in shock for days now and am finally ready to try to wrap my head around what I've been through. Typing this hoping there are others out there who have been through narc abuse. Here's my story.

 

We will call him J. J and I were close friends since high school. Never anything more until 3 years ago when we fell for each other and it felt like a dream. We finally decided to give things a go three months after he ended a relationship with a girl he called "psycho". We will get back to her. He moved in, we ended up pregnant. Things were going great. I unfortunately lost the baby. After that is where it all went downhill. We started fighting more. Which consisted of him screaming at me until I was in tears locked in the bathroom begging him to stop. He called me every name in the book. Insulted me. Commented on my weight. Reminded me I had nobody except for him. I still held on thinking that he was just upset over the baby... this would pass.

 

Things got worse. He started to threaten me. Boss me around. Exclude me from plans with mutual friends. Turn off his phone if he didn't feel like talking me. I would see girls names pop up on my phone, but I was "delusional" or "seeing things". I stayed because I thought how could someone who was my best friend prior to this relationship treat me so bad? It must be my fault.

 

Long story short, the fighting got so bad we decided to live separately three months ago. He wanted to "start over" and blamed his anger and our fights on us being crammed in a tiny apartment. I believed him.

He supposively moved in with his mother. We still continued our relationship. Everything was the same except for living apart. We started fighting less and stupid me thought this little living arrangement was helping us....

 

 

Three days ago I just happened to drive down his ex girlfriends road on a way to a friends house. I see his work van, bike and car all out front of her building. I call and simply ask what he's upto? He was "at his moms". I sent him a picture of his vehicles. He lied and said he was hanging with a friend who happened to live in his exes building. Two minutes later she pulls in. I confront her.

 

He moved right in with her and was never at his moms this entire time. He was playing us both and working on things with us both. I tired to calmly explain this to her but she didn't believe me and threatened the cops on me if I ever came back. She said they were back together for two months now.

 

I am in shock. He hid her so well. And before you ask if we were seeing each other while they were together, no we were not. He left her months before we got together. I'm trying to understand why he wouldn't just let me go if he went back to her. He was cooking me dinners, taking me to concerts, calling and texting me all day up until that point. Then suddenly I was the crazy one and the liar. We haven't talked since he got caught.

 

I feel used and stupid. Has anyone else been through this? Advice would help to get through the anger. I feel like I lost 3 years of my life to this monster.

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CantTakeMySmile

You must take what you learned from this relationship and let that be your guidance, so you don't feel like you wasted three years.

 

 

I hope, at some point, in those three years, you also had good moments, so it can't be a complete waste. With all the fighting, it is good you found out the truth.

 

 

He wanted to be in a relationship with you both at the same time, if that is not something you are agreeable to, then it is good you have stopped all communication with him. Let him go! Good for you not trying to get him back.

 

 

At least he had already moved out so you don't have to deal with that painful experience now!

 

 

Keep on being strong!

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You must take what you learned from this relationship and let that be your guidance, so you don't feel like you wasted three years.

 

 

I hope, at some point, in those three years, you also had good moments, so it can't be a complete waste. With all the fighting, it is good you found out the truth.

 

 

He wanted to be in a relationship with you both at the same time, if that is not something you are agreeable to, then it is good you have stopped all communication with him. Let him go! Good for you not trying to get him back.

 

 

At least he had already moved out so you don't have to deal with that painful experience now!

 

 

Keep on being strong!

 

 

Thankyou. I am trying. I believe he is angry I'm not fighting for him back which blows my mind but like they say, a narc is never wrong in their own mind. Thankyou for the response !!

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CantTakeMySmile
Thankyou. I am trying. I believe he is angry I'm not fighting for him back which blows my mind but like they say, a narc is never wrong in their own mind. Thankyou for the response !!

 

 

 

What makes you think he is angry that you are not fighting for him?

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What makes you think he is angry that you are not fighting for him?

 

When the incident went down, our last phone call consisted on him saying I should prove my love to him. I said no enjoy your life together and he ripped me apart once again until I blocked him.

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ThreeRainbows



Awesome self-respect you're showing him. :) Don't ever take a guy like that back! They don't change without serious therapy / years of growth.

 

 

 

His poor other girlfriend is living a state of self-delusion. Boy will she be angry when she finds out you were for real (and trying to help her), and he's the liar.

 

 

 

Good for you for being stronger than that. Self-respect is the most attractive quality a woman can have, so you should be proud. Oh, and another thing to remember (this helps me): Every step away from this guy is a step closer to my future husband.

 

 

<3

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I know this will sound cliche, but I wouldn't be angry. I would be relieved that you got rid of this guy so easily. I'm currently being stalked by a narcissist woman who did many of the same things and blames me for all of them. I've read so many other stories of people who found themselves in the unfortunate position of having hooked a narc, only to be paying for it for months or even years afterward. If he's found someone else's life to devastate, consider yourself fortunate that you are in the moving on stage and not in the stage of having to find some way to get rid of him.

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