Snapchat and breakups

[arrow12]

My ex broke up with me about 4/5 weeks ago now after almost 2 years together, we’d been spending a lot of time apart due to work and had been arguing for about 3 weeks about small things, mostly to do with not having much time to talk or see each other., we were supposed to be moving in together in about 3 months. he broke up with me saying his feelings had changed and the arguing had caused him to not see a future anymore.

 

The majority of our relationship was really happy and we had always intended for this to be it for us, talked about marriage, kids buying a house in a couple years, getting a dog etc. I’m 25 and he’s 29. In my opinion the distance and arguing has obviously caused him to feel like that would be a part of his future rather than just going through a rough patch, we’ve clearly both made mistakes in a lack of communication but that’s not really the point anymore.

 

My question is to do with the use of snapchat in a breakup!

 

Social media makes things a lot more confusing and I’m finding it hard not to read into it. So for those that have got their ex back or have dumped someone then regretted it, have you used snapchat to indirectly contact the girl you dumped? My ex puts up stories that are clearly aimed at me but what is that meant to achieve? Why would he do it if he’s so done? And then he has sent me a couple of snapchats whilst drunk that are clearly attempts to talk to me but he doesn’t really know what to say

 

I have also been using snapchat to post stories showing I’m out with friends and having fun, watching the football etc, and he has watched all of my stories

 

I understand breadcrumbing but as I’m hoping we can reconcile I am wondering if this means anything and why he’s doing it? Also I haven’t replied to any of them. He’s only send a couple texts and again they were random attempts to talk that didn’t mean anything so I didn’t reply.

[N2017]

If he's 29 and is trying to indirectly contact you through snapchat, my opinion would be that he's kinda a big whimp. If he wants you back he'll say it clearly, directly, and while he's sober.

 

Don't project your feelings onto him and I'd say take him off snapchat. He said it was over so cut him off and consider it done.

[d0nnivain]

Back in the days before social media, when you broke up with somebody you stopped calling them. If they were on speed dial, you removed them. If you had to see them in school or the neighborhood you smiled tightly but didn't really interact much.

 

If you were taking the break up hard & wanted to know what they were up to, before caller ID you called & hung up when they answered or you drove past their house to see if a new person was there. It wasn't healthy but it was also not convenient. You had to put in effort & risked getting caught / being embarrassed if they saw you.

 

In this digital age I think it's best to disconnect on all platforms: Delete their # out of your phone / contacts; unfriend them off all social media, delete their e-mail address. If it hurts to even have anything about them pop up because you have mutual friends, block them. When you are stronger you can un block if you like but there is no reason to stay virtual friends. You don't need to see their new story with someone else nor do you need to rub salt in their wounds by showing them your new love life. Neither of you need to see the sad musing posts that wax philosophical. Just because the dumper is sad after the break up doesn't mean the dumper wants the relationship back; they just want to be a happy & in a good, solid relationship going forward. So seeing what the hopeful person perceives as the mixed messages doesn't help either

[preraph]

If you really think you should talk one more time, then you need to stop playing snapchat games and call him. Probably the fact you ended up bickering a lot IS a little snapshot of what your relationship living together would end up looking like after a time. You get sick of people when they're around all the time and you see all their little domestic habits. But if you feel you are both willing, then stop doing this social media nonsense and just call him and ask if he wants to talk.

 

In the talk, the first thing you should say is, If we try again, we should take living together off the table for the time being. Because obviously, he's not ready for that. As long as YOU take it off the table, maybe he'd be willing to give it one more try.

 

Usually things just end up the same though. If you've got one who can weather the hard times and one who can't, it will lead to imbalance, so don't put yourself in a position to always be the one overlooking things. Good luck.

[arrow12]

We lived together for 4 months before work took us apart for 7 and the arguing only happens for the last three weeks because I was struggling with personal stuff and handled things badly. We had no problems when we lived together before.

 

I however don’t want to break no contact over the Snapchats as they’re obviously not clear messages of reconciliation, they’re things like our favourite tv show and sort of pointless attempts at contact that aren’t achieving much, and I just want to know if it’s testing the waters? And if anyone has ever used social media to reach out and if they did was it because they had regrets? Because I don’t get what he’s trying to achieve if he doesn’t want to be with me anymore

[d0nnivain]

Break ups are sad & they hurt. Your EX is venting. You are not his audience. You are reading these snapchats because you didn't disconnect. So unfriend & go about your own healing.

[grays]

He’s only send a couple texts and again they were random attempts to talk that didn’t mean anything so I didn’t reply.

 

If you want to get back together, why would you do this? It's only going to make him feel like it's hopeless. Are you playing hard to get?

 

And I don't know anything about SC but if he's texting you, he's thinking about you and missing you.

[arrow12]

If you want to get back together, why would you do this? It's only going to make him feel like it's hopeless. Are you playing hard to get?

 

And I don't know anything about SC but if he's texting you, he's thinking about you and missing you.

 

I’m not playing hard to get at all, I’m just scared that I’m reading into things because they aren’t clear cut signs, and the texts aren’t things like I miss you or I want to get back together and they arenr often, in the 4 weeks we’ve been broken up there have been 4 snapchats and 2 texts, so it’s just not enough for me to believe he wants to get back together, I just want to know if it’s a positive sign and if people who have changed there minds have used social media this way

[CantTakeMySmile]

It is a sign that sometimes he wants a quick way to communicate with you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

No, I have never used social media to try to communicate to someone that I would like to reunite. Nor would I chose that route. But, I am sure that some people have, yes.

[grays]

I’m not playing hard to get at all, I’m just scared that I’m reading into things because they aren’t clear cut signs, and the texts aren’t things like I miss you or I want to get back together and they arenr often, in the 4 weeks we’ve been broken up there have been 4 snapchats and 2 texts, so it’s just not enough for me to believe he wants to get back together, I just want to know if it’s a positive sign and if people who have changed there minds have used social media this way

 

So will you need him to say he wants to get back together before you're willing to communicate? I would think opening communication would be more likely to lead to getting back together than ignoring him.

[MissBee]

My ex broke up with me about 4/5 weeks ago now after almost 2 years together, we’d been spending a lot of time apart due to work and had been arguing for about 3 weeks about small things, mostly to do with not having much time to talk or see each other., we were supposed to be moving in together in about 3 months. he broke up with me saying his feelings had changed and the arguing had caused him to not see a future anymore.

 

The majority of our relationship was really happy and we had always intended for this to be it for us, talked about marriage, kids buying a house in a couple years, getting a dog etc. I’m 25 and he’s 29. In my opinion the distance and arguing has obviously caused him to feel like that would be a part of his future rather than just going through a rough patch, we’ve clearly both made mistakes in a lack of communication but that’s not really the point anymore.

 

My question is to do with the use of snapchat in a breakup!

 

Social media makes things a lot more confusing and I’m finding it hard not to read into it. So for those that have got their ex back or have dumped someone then regretted it, have you used snapchat to indirectly contact the girl you dumped? My ex puts up stories that are clearly aimed at me but what is that meant to achieve? Why would he do it if he’s so done? And then he has sent me a couple of snapchats whilst drunk that are clearly attempts to talk to me but he doesn’t really know what to say

 

I have also been using snapchat to post stories showing I’m out with friends and having fun, watching the football etc, and he has watched all of my stories

 

I understand breadcrumbing but as I’m hoping we can reconcile I am wondering if this means anything and why he’s doing it? Also I haven’t replied to any of them. He’s only send a couple texts and again they were random attempts to talk that didn’t mean anything so I didn’t reply.

 

Social media does make things tricky because of this very reason: the analysis and reading into behaviors as well as, whether consciously or unconsciously, if you know you have an ex as your audience you might put on a show for that reason. This can really prolong the process because you're essentially still plugged into this person's life, even though you're not actually communicating.

 

You may not want to hear it (most people don't) but you should either remove your ex from your social media or if you don't want to, mute his Snapchat stories or delete snapchat for a while and take a break.

 

The reality is: people have broken up and reconciled before social media or the internet existed. Your ex of two years knows where you live, has your phone number, email likely, knows other people who know you and if he is serious about reconciling it won't come in the form of drunken snaps...I promise you that.

 

Breakups are a tricky time and sometimes there is back and forth and as you say breadcrumbs, but often people stay broken up and the occasional text or reaching out doesn't change that. However, in the cases where people do reconcile, it HAS to come from a mature and thoughtful place so that you can truly fix and do things differently. Someone approaching you from that stance of being serious about a reconciliation is gonna call or text to ask to meet up or have a more serious discussion...they won't be drunk or sending meaningless messages that you have to decode. Rule to live by: if someone wants to reconcile it will be clear, if you have to put glasses on, look under a microscope, decode and read into their message or actions, that's not a reconciliation and not what you want. By keeping yourself plugged into their social media all it will do is what it's doing now (making you overly invested in whatever silly thing they're doing, reading into stuff, wondering, waiting and just likely ending up disappointed that you've added months more of consciously or subconsciously being still attached to their every social media move, to no avail).

Edited July 16, 2018 by MissBee