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Should I block my narcissistic ex?


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Old 14th July 2018, 12:41 AM   #1
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Unhappy Should I block my narcissistic ex?

I'm a 39 year old man who recently broke up with a 32 year old woman after 5 months for demonstrating increasingly more psychotic behavior. In the last month, she hit me in the face, pulled my hair, threatened to castrate me, spent a whole not screaming at me, refused to remove her belongings and herself from my house, tried to break into my house when I broke up with her, punched a hole in my window and ruptured tendons in her arm. I have a reasonably healthy self-esteem so her verbal abuse is unpleasant, but it pretty well bounces off me and just reveals her as the narcissist she is. She is now even blaming me for crippling her, even though SHE is the one who punched through MY window. I was granted a temporary restraining order 3 days ago but she has ignored it and continued to call, text and even try to facebook friend me. I've ignored her messages which consist of her telling me she loves me, that I'm a piece of sh*t, and trying to coerce me into getting back together with her by threatening to tell my workplace and family terrible things about me.

My family thinks I should block her and I sorta want to so I don't have to cringe/jump every time my phone vibrates, but I purposefully haven't because it almost makes me feel like I'm putting on a blindfold when it's actually to my advantage to see what she's texting. Otherwise I feel like I'm going to be constantly wondering if she's calling/texting and if she might show up at my house. I do not trust her and am worried about her showing up and instigating a situation, so I'm just a little nervous about blocking her. What would you do?

Last edited by tafkaga; 14th July 2018 at 1:00 AM.. Reason: clarification
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Old 14th July 2018, 1:13 AM   #2
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You need to talk to the police about this, not a relationship forum.

Go to them immediately and show them the messages she is sending you. Do not respond to anything she sends. She is in violation of a court order; the police and a good lawyer will advise you on what you need to do.
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Old 14th July 2018, 2:06 AM   #3
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Yeah, they've already told me that I can block her if I want but they understand my reasoning for not blocking her. The did advise me not to respond and I have not. I am going to be presenting a record of her texts and calls in violation of the temp restraining order at the hearing for the permanent restraining order as that works as evidence in my favor. I also asked if I should report every text and they said it's up to me to decide what's worth reporting. I'm on the fence as to whether I should just block her or keep receiving her calls and texts so I can report them.
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Old 14th July 2018, 7:20 AM   #4
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I agree with your family to block her. Those types are only involved with you for their own personal gain. And when they cannot get what they want they start to display stalkerish behavior. She will not stop until she has depleted your self esteem and until she has shaken your confidence. Don't let her do that to you.

Block her!
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Old 14th July 2018, 10:07 AM   #5
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If you feel you have enough evidence for the perm order hearing then block her and if she shows up then call the police and exercise the temp order.

and fer gosh sakes make sure your own where abouts are trackable/traceable as she might try and call the police on you as a way of creating contact with you..or she might say you contacted her and by showing you were someone else you can disprove it.

When someone is nutty like this you cannot protect yourself enough...

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Old 14th July 2018, 11:52 AM   #6
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You need to call the police on her. That's why you got the RO piece of paper: so that then when she ignored it, they police have to respond and make her stop. So renew it and then call the police. She's going to try to break into where you live, so I can see why you'd like to see what she's doing -- but do NOT respond to any of her texts or emails. Keep them for the police. Block her from your social media. You want her to have the least info about you as possible while keeping an eye on her threats.

But listen, don't get lazy here and give up. A restraining order typically doesn't stop a stalker, and they are a legal tool so that now you can get the police to pick her up when she ignores it. Please keep us informed. She could be dangerous, so be extra careful. Maybe put a camera inside and out and a high bolt lock on the doors and a sensor on the windows.
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Old 14th July 2018, 2:23 PM   #7
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I went through something similar with my narc ex without the physical abuse. I got a RO because he did things similar to what you describe, including leaving a note on my car at my NEW home (where I never told him I lived). He began stalking me so that's why I got the RO. Be warned, it caused him to go pretty crazy and every time he contacted me or violated the RO, I called the police. I must've had to call 20 times. I had to constantly be vigilant and never once let it slip. Good luck...
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Old 14th July 2018, 9:08 PM   #8
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Thanks everyone.

I did block her on my phone so no more shivers going up my spine every time I hear a notification. It actually does feel very good, as if I've removed her access to another part of my life. She could still pull into my driveway, but perhaps this will further demonstrate that I'm very serious about not having contact.

Thus far her contacts have been efforts to coerce me into willingly meeting with her to talk. It seems like her agenda might be to get me to undermine my own case for the restraining order. I've ignored her and she hasn't actually showed up. Since I've already called the police on her once, maybe I've got her sufficiently scared that I won't hesitate to do it again.
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Old 14th July 2018, 11:05 PM   #9
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Is she still under the order or did it expire? You need an active order. You can tell them she ignored it and you need a new one and that this time, you will call police.
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Old 17th July 2018, 7:50 PM   #10
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Well, as of Sunday night she had not been served yet. I didn't realize that I was supposed to be informed when this happened so I just assumed that it happened the next day.

She was in my driveway when I pulled in on Sunday afternoon. She said she wanted to talk and I immediately informed her of the restraining order and the fact that I could have her arrested. She then began to ramble angrily about how she gave me her love for 5 months and I gave her nothing. I just turned around and left my house, hoping that she would follow. She did. I called 911 and led her through town, but she must have figured it out because she turned around and went the other way.

That night I got a call from 911 asking me if there was an emergency and telling me that they had just received a call from my number. I told them I hadn't called since that afternoon. 10 minutes later a deputy shows up and says they keep getting 911 calls from me. I showed him my phone to verify that there were no calls in the logs. While he was standing there, dispatch informed him that they were getting a 911 call from my number. He confirmed that I was not making a call. As it turns out, apparently there's an app where someone can call 911 from a number that's not their own. They verified that the number calling was not my carrier. The last I heard the sheriff was out looking for her to confiscate her phone.

On my way to work I saw her vehicle in the driveway, but it was gone when I was leaving for lunch. I still have not been contacted that she's been served so I don't know what's going on.
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Old 17th July 2018, 7:54 PM   #11
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You got a real bunny boiler on your hands.
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Old 18th July 2018, 8:39 AM   #12
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This sort of abuse is very common for men in modern relationships. I don't know any men who haven't had this experience.

You should tell the police, but be aware that you run the risk of being arrested, as the woman will then usually lie to the police and tell them you did something to her.

So only go to the authorities if you have evidence to back up what you say, as our society tends to discriminate against men on these matters.

Are there any support groups for abused men in your area? They're starting to surface in Europe to deal with the increase in women to men abuse. That would be a good starting point if one is available.
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Old 18th July 2018, 8:42 AM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tafkaga View Post
Well, as of Sunday night she had not been served yet. I didn't realize that I was supposed to be informed when this happened so I just assumed that it happened the next day.

She was in my driveway when I pulled in on Sunday afternoon. She said she wanted to talk and I immediately informed her of the restraining order and the fact that I could have her arrested. She then began to ramble angrily about how she gave me her love for 5 months and I gave her nothing. I just turned around and left my house, hoping that she would follow. She did. I called 911 and led her through town, but she must have figured it out because she turned around and went the other way.

That night I got a call from 911 asking me if there was an emergency and telling me that they had just received a call from my number. I told them I hadn't called since that afternoon. 10 minutes later a deputy shows up and says they keep getting 911 calls from me. I showed him my phone to verify that there were no calls in the logs. While he was standing there, dispatch informed him that they were getting a 911 call from my number. He confirmed that I was not making a call. As it turns out, apparently there's an app where someone can call 911 from a number that's not their own. They verified that the number calling was not my carrier. The last I heard the sheriff was out looking for her to confiscate her phone.

On my way to work I saw her vehicle in the driveway, but it was gone when I was leaving for lunch. I still have not been contacted that she's been served so I don't know what's going on.

Just read the whole of your thread. Glad that you have had police assistance. Document everything, when you see her film her and turn it in to the police. If you feel she could become violent again, defend yourself.
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