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We've just split today and I am so incredibly sad

Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

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Old 13th July 2018, 6:30 PM   #1
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We've just split today and I am so incredibly sad

My partner of 4.5 years split with me today. I am in total shock even though there were signs recently he was unhappy.

He is a beautiful person but struggles with crippling anxiety. I have tried to help him but the issues are deep. We had a silly argument today and he went off. On his return I asked if he was happy and he said no. That was it.

I didn't beg, I told him I knew he was unhappy and he said he has been wanting to tell me for a good while but didn't want to hurt me. I am sitting here feeling a mixture of sadness and relief. I know he is depressed but he doesn't see that he is. I have done all I can for him.

He told me he always finds after a few years that he wants to be on his own. It has always been this way and he doesn't function well in relationships, that he needs his space. I am a person that likes affection. He was never able to give me that. It made him uncomfortable when I said I loved him. He would always play it down. I know he doesn't like himself. I am worried for him but he promised me he will not do anything stupid.

He has terrible self esteem and confidence issues and social anxiety. But we did have so many good times.

He has left for the night and I am broken. I wont be able to face work tomorrow.

I sent him a text to say that all I have ever wanted is for him to be happy and I understand why he felt we had to separate. He replied 'Thank you. You have been so good to me and no one will ever eclipse that...

I am just so, so sad, even though I know if he didn't get help we would have broken up down the line anyway. It doesn't make this any easier right now.

I hope somewhere someone can relate to this. Thanks for listening xxx
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Old 14th July 2018, 2:28 AM   #2
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This is a really tough thing to go through. I'm sorry to hear it. Maybe if you give him some space he might realize how much he needs you, or maybe you might realize how the breakup could be a good thing for you in the long run once the pain eases.
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Old 14th July 2018, 2:46 PM   #3
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The initial shock & the acute pain are the worst. You are stronger than you know. Do try to go to work, even if it will be hard. If you really can't it's OK to take ONE mental health day but you can't let a break up get you fired.

Hang in there. Step one is the grieving. Call a dear friend & cry your eyes out. When the tears dry up, just keep moving forward, one day at a time. You can get through this.
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Old 14th July 2018, 6:34 PM   #4
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I'm sorry this has come to a head and imploded. I hope some people here will read what you wrote because anxiety comes up a lot on this forum, people thinking it's shyness or people not owning that it's a real problem that needs real treatment. This is a good illustration of why you're chasing your tail trying to deal with someone else's anxiety. I hope he at least did his utmost to seek therapy and treatment and cared enough about you to at least exhaust the possibilities before giving up and isolating himself again.

I have a friend whose husband has anxiety and just blames on the rest of the world instead of admitting he is the one with the problem. For years, he wouldn't help her with anything domestically, do nothing much for the kids. He has gradually done a little better, is at least acting like he has a family he's invested in now, but he still only does what he wants, not what the family needs, leaving her overwhelmed.

I just want everyone to expect the most of a person if they are thinking about staying with them long-term, and if that person won't help themself, don't do it. You can't make them better with love.

I'm glad you had some good times to at least remember. I hope you find a better match next time. It's hard when you give so much and just can't help someone.
"I care not much for a man's religion whose dog and cat are not better for it." -- Abraham Lincoln
"The greatness of a nation & its moral progress can be judged by the way in its animals are treated." -Gandhi
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