Intercultural Breakup & No Contact

[streetsoldier3322]

I ended an intercultural relationship in March 2018.

 

She's Russian and I'm Indian. We dated almost 11 months - the chemistry was off the charts. Despite acknowledging our differences, she brought up commitment, wanting a relationship and even teased about marriage. My gut kept telling me that it won't work, but I went along. Eventually, our differences caught up, since it was at a fundamental dietary level (among others). We realized having kids with such differences (including religion and culture) would be stressful, let alone our extended families, who would feel worlds apart.

 

The breakup spanned a couple of weeks of intense crying, since neither of us wanted to give up, but we both saw the end. I tried to end it but she asked me to not stop believing in us. She eventually cancelled a date the following week, called me the next day and said she does not see a future for us, all while crying uncontrollably.

 

We met up in a couple of days and spent our last night together. I mentioned that I'm hopeful of a miracle that someday we might date. She said we should just let our lives happen.

 

We were in light contact post breakup with her eventually not replying to an email. Less than 3 months post the breakup, she posted a picture with a new guy. I was gut wrenched initially, but I'm actually happy for her now! I know how badly she wants kids and I feel less guilty of having wasted her time.

 

Anyway, we've been 3 months with absolutely no contact. I'm very temped to wish her for her birthday next month or just drop a line, checking in on her.

 

Any advice? Should I stay away (what my head says) OR is it okay to break NC (my heart's calling)?

[Gaeta]

100% NO.

 

 

She is happy now why do you want to re-open the wound?

 

 

 

Now you need to find your own happiness. Enough watching what she's up to. Delete her and move on and work at finding your next love.

[streetsoldier3322]

Thanks Gaeta! I am in a much better place now and have begun dating and finding my happiness, but a part of me misses her and wishes that she be a part of my life (not as a couple, but not complete strangers either).

 

I know we cannot be friends yet (having had such an intense journey... and 4 months still feels fresh). If anyone did end up being friends with their exes, how long did it take for either person to reach out?

[Gaeta]

Eventually you will stop missing her. You don't want to let her go completely because you are still hurting and still loving her. It will pass. Being friends will only bring conflicts in your next relationship and into hers. Let her be. Loving someone sometimes means letting them completely go.

[carhill]

Great learning experience. Now, when meeting someone new you get on with, suss out the fundamental differences, if any, early, before you get involved sexually and/or emotionally attach. You're looking for a life partner. Go into it with that mindset and know your deal-breakers and what you can compromise on.

 

Unless circumstances, like children, necessitate continued interaction, IMO once romantic partners are done, spouse, fiance, GF/BF, lover, whatever, they are done, move on. Back to the billions. No contact. No need for it. It's done. I was cordial with the few contacts my exW initiated over the years but other than that zippo. Good luck to her, next.

[streetsoldier3322]

Thanks Gaeta and Carhill!

This should have probably ended much earlier, with such fundamental differences. At our age, we're indeed looking for a life partner.

 

We had discussed some of these differences and I guess the attraction / emotions took over and we both kept going. We were a bad match to begin with (as she rightly said when we broke up), but with off the charts chemistry. Which is why I found it strange that she wanted commitment and a relationship!

 

Anyway, great learning experience indeed.