ShannyWee Posted July 9, 2018 Share Posted July 9, 2018 (edited) Hi everyone, I will try and keep this short. So i was seeing this guy for about 2 years. We hit it off very well. We were casual at the beginning. He used to ask me out with his friends. Initially i would refuse but after about a year i decided to hang out with his friends. i got along really well with his friends. He did act up once or twice due to jealousy. That is when things got a little serious between us. But on our last meet up he was flirting with another girl right in front of me which i did not bother much about. Next day he texted to apologise. After a few days i decided to call it quits with him. But he refused to let go. We left it at that. And 2 days later i heard from him. He said that someone had sent his wife (yes, he was actually married and kept it well hidden for so long) an email about the girl he was flirting with and asked if i was the one who sent it to her. I was totally and utterly confused. Long story short, I explained to him it was not me. In fact i couldn't even have the opportunity to ask him about his lies as he was playing the victim card afraid that his marriage would be destroyed. He told me to my face that he was going to deny every single bit that he ever cheated to his wife. He clearly was telling me that he did not want anything to do with me and that his family was important. Which i understood and stepped away. He called me again after 2 weeks asking if i again sent more messages to his wife as it was sent from a profile that looked like mine. He was threatening me and i told him to get the hell out of my life and not bother me. I had not contacted him since. It has been 3 months of absolutely no contact. He had not blocked me on facebook or whatsapp. I knew he wanted to monitor me because he truly believes i sent those messages. And then, 3 months later, which was 2 days ago, he pops up at 5 am in the morning, texting me this "We need to talk". I saw the message much later and asked him what it was about. But there was absolutely no response from him. I just need to know why he would ask to talk and then disappear. I have heard from a mutual friend that the girl he was flirting with has been receiving annonymous messages as they believe there is something going on between him and that girl now. I just want to know why he would ask to talk and then disappear? Need answers to move on! It is not fair to me as I have given him all the space he deserves why can't he do the same and leave me alone! I would like to know: (1) What really is his intention? (2) Is he trying to send a warning that he knows I am sending those messages? Then why not ask me directly? It sucks to be accused and not be able to defend yourself! (3) I do not want to block him and let him have that control over me. So how else can I deal with this? Edited July 9, 2018 by ShannyWee additional information Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted July 9, 2018 Share Posted July 9, 2018 Look, I'll cut to the chase here and ignore your questions. This guy is quite clearly a total douche and has been playing you for a fool for a long time. It's really a waste of time to try to analyse his intentions and motivations. You need to BLOCK him and move on with your life! Why do you think blocking would give him control over you? In fact it does the opposite. If he can't see you or anything that you're up to and can't contact you in any way then he has no control whatsoever. And in future don't date married men. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 9, 2018 Share Posted July 9, 2018 Blocking him is not to give him control but to give you control over your life. This man is married, isn't going to leave his wife but has girlfriends on the side. Him saying "we need to talk" sounds like he's going to ask for a favor. You would do well to block him and continue moving on with his life. He probably has many women. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 9, 2018 Share Posted July 9, 2018 (1) What really is his intention? (2) Is he trying to send a warning that he knows I am sending those messages? Then why not ask me directly? It sucks to be accused and not be able to defend yourself! Maybe it's not him, but his wife using his phone. Trying to see who responds. Or maybe he sent the message, then his wife saw it, so he lapsed back into silence. (3) I do not want to block him and let him have that control over me. So how else can I deal with this Where did you get the idea the blocking him means you hand over control to him? That's backwards. By not blocking him, you are giving him the ability to watch your activity, contact you, and shake you up - just as he's done with this one measly message. If you truly want nothing to do with him, you know what to do. You're not doing it, which to me suggests that you were hoping on some level to hear from him. When did you discover he was married? Did you continue to date him after that? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ShannyWee Posted July 9, 2018 Author Share Posted July 9, 2018 Found out only on the day when he came to me to ask me if I had sent a message to his wife. He had the cheek to ask me if I had found out from social media when I have never even added him as my friend on any social media platform. The only form of communication we had was whatsapp. He pursued me persistently. Never had a clue that he was married! He did me good! Master Manipulator Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 9, 2018 Share Posted July 9, 2018 He obviously thinks you're spying on his social media. It sounds like he's actually trying to find out which girl is causing him trouble and he thinks it's you. It's really telling that he doesn't know which one it is which questions how many does he have. Again, why don't you BLOCK HIM???? Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted July 9, 2018 Share Posted July 9, 2018 (3) I do not want to block him and let him have that control over me. So how else can I deal with this? But he does have control over you if you're affected by his contact and posting on a forum unsure as to how you should proceed. This guy is a first class jerk and you're asking how best to deal with him? Purge, dump, erase, block -- this is not about control but self-preservation and empowering yourself by removing toxic people from your life. Block him. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted July 9, 2018 Share Posted July 9, 2018 We can't know his intentions and they don't really matter is the truth. Blocking him isn't giving him control over you. You're cutting him out of your life so that you can move on from his asshat ways. You have ALL the control by doing that and you're the one who is dictating who has access to your time and head space when you make that choice. Not blocking him but still worrying about his intentions and even posting here trying to figure out what's in his mind and such is actually giving over WAY more control to him in your headspace than blocking and keeping it moving. Believe me. You will feel great relief, even if at first it feels weird. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted July 10, 2018 Share Posted July 10, 2018 You're asking the wrong questions. This guy is a user and a liar ... He lied to you ... and then turned on you based on a false allegation. So you don't care what his intent was when he contacted you ... anymore than you care why a mugger showed up to your door three months after mugging you. You'd say, "it's the mugger. I'm calling the police." Here you say, it's the liar-jerk at the door. And you block him and ignore him. You're not blocking him ... even though clearly, you can't ignore him. Now if you really want an answer to why he returned, there is none ... Could be a number of things ... Could be he got drunk and realized he liked you enough to want to talk about his marriage ... Could be that he wanted to have sex with you ... and then changed his mind because his life is already chaotic with a wife and a different side woman. Could be that he was going to try to borrow money from you ... because he thought he could charm you. What you do know ... is that whatever he wanted was NO GOOD for you. That much you know. And if you know that much, the details of how on this particular 5 a.m. morning he was scheming to lie to you and use you ... don't matter. To say blocking is giving him control ... is like saying locking our doors at night is giving burglars control ... like saying putting on a winter coat is giving the weather control. I don't get it. This guy's random text just disrupted your life and equilibrium. Where's the control there? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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