mistakemaker1 Posted June 13, 2018 Share Posted June 13, 2018 we got into a fight and i have not spoke to her, well ive texted and called but she wont talk to me like why do people do this. they like wont just stop it already , like enough fighting , you know? does it give one power to make the other person feel like **** or have someone kiss their toes, even though the fight was mutual or the other persons fault in the first place. ive been experiencing this situation. were it might end my relationship i really dont know. im not going to get into details of my situation or what happend but im looking on how to deal with. why is my gf powertripping why is she holding my love hostag why she wont accept appologies or appologize herself. why doesnt she miss me? why cant we just kiss and make up? i miss her , im trying to understand her. ive been with her for a long time. does she really not care and not miss me after this long? Link to post Share on other sites
Author mistakemaker1 Posted June 13, 2018 Author Share Posted June 13, 2018 on another note, i feel like im being punished Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted June 13, 2018 Share Posted June 13, 2018 Apologize once and if she doesn't accept it go on about your business. Call up your friends, go out and have some fun. If you start giving in to women's childish ways you will continue to have a child as a gf. Stop begging her and BTW this is a form of punishment. Wouldn't you rather have a girl who is more chill? Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted June 13, 2018 Share Posted June 13, 2018 Many people, myself included, are done once the fighting begins. Not everyone is comfortable having fighting and confrontation in their life. I'm not. And I'd be a good strong fighter too, but I choose not to do it. I choose not to be that person. I want a nice life. I'd rather be alone than quarrel with someone. When you choose the behavior, you choose the consequences. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted June 13, 2018 Share Posted June 13, 2018 Do you want to be right or in a relationship? If momma ain't happy, no one is happy OP, the key is attraction. Fights/arguments/complaints are part of life. The more social power and attractiveness a man has, the more easily he will weather such events, or simply replace the other person with one of many who wish to enjoy his company and care. The answers lie within yourself, not with those you have relationships with. Own your responsibility, take responsibility, then move on. If she's not with you, cool, next. Plenty of fish in the sea. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted June 13, 2018 Share Posted June 13, 2018 If momma ain't happy, no one is happy :laugh: sad to admit, but it's true. And usually not for reasons of being mean, but because until we've worked it out in our minds and have come to a resolution, we stay cranky. Or angry. Or unhappy. see, guys are wired simply: They react, and more often than not, they move on. gals, not so much ... we look at every nuance and angle and go over it in our minds until we work it to death. And then we fret on it some more. But, once we've got it straight and figure out a "solution" (reconcile what's been said or done), then we go to the next step. as stillafool suggests, make your apologies and then proceed with your bad self, as my husband likes to say. When she needs to talk, talk. When she's ready to make up, run with it, baby! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted June 13, 2018 Share Posted June 13, 2018 ive been experiencing this situation. were it might end my relationship i really dont know. im not going to get into details of my situation or what happend but im looking on how to deal with. why is my gf powertripping why is she holding my love hostag why she wont accept appologies or appologize herself. why doesnt she miss me? why cant we just kiss and make up? We really can't begin to answer these questions without any context, OP. It's not possible to guess at her current frame of mind without having at least a few details about her, your relationship in general and what led to this fight. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 13, 2018 Share Posted June 13, 2018 She's not holding your love hostage. She is setting it & you free. She ended this fight by ending the relationship. Why is that hard for you to understand? Link to post Share on other sites
Author mistakemaker1 Posted June 13, 2018 Author Share Posted June 13, 2018 She's not holding your love hostage. She is setting it & you free. She ended this fight by ending the relationship. Why is that hard for you to understand? my relationship status is unknown. we never ended it n we never spoke, we have a family and a life built together, i just messed up bad and said n did things that i regret. i was really mean, n i feel horrible. i dont even care what she did. my mistakes are whats killing me Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 13, 2018 Share Posted June 13, 2018 You have a family, as in kids? If so go over there & talk to her. Ask her what is going on. Personally convey the apologies you said you offered via text. Link to post Share on other sites
guest569 Posted June 14, 2018 Share Posted June 14, 2018 my relationship status is unknown. we never ended it n we never spoke, we have a family and a life built together, i just messed up bad and said n did things that i regret. i was really mean, n i feel horrible. i dont even care what she did. my mistakes are whats killing me Some things are hard to forgive and forget, and some apologies hard to believe or accept. I have a hard time accepting an apology if it is something that has hurt me badly and that makes me wary of it happening again. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted June 14, 2018 Share Posted June 14, 2018 OP, don't know how this will end but, in the future, if you 'messed up bad', and wish to apologize for that, do it directly, not any of that 'my bad' BS. Say 'I apologize for xxx' or 'I'm sorry for xxx'. Own it. No qualifiers, no net-speak. You're sorry. That's part of being a man. Link to post Share on other sites
ambyc92 Posted June 14, 2018 Share Posted June 14, 2018 As has already been said without context its very hard to know the situation, but depending on what was said or done, It may take some time for a person to forgive you. Also forgiveness does not necessarily mean they will pick up with the relationship again as it once was, especially if damage has been done. You mention the fight was mutual etc...when apologizing its important to focus on YOUR part and only your part. Hopefully she will feel comfortable opening up and the both of you can have a heart to heart. You seem like a nice person who wants to resolve things no one likes to be in this position its not fun so i understand your desire to just squash things. Try to settle your nerves, pray and be patient with yourself and her. If this is really a relationship ending situation then it will take a lot of discussion patience understanding and love. If the person is completely unwilling to speak to you at all give them space you can't grovel and in time hopefully with your kind words they will want to open back up to you. Instead of texts which can be informal and cold try writing her a heartfelt letter and leaving it at that or emailing her a letter she will reach out if/when shes ready. In the meantime take care of yourself, and don't obsess, take pride in knowing you did what you could. we got into a fight and i have not spoke to her, well ive texted and called but she wont talk to me like why do people do this. they like wont just stop it already , like enough fighting , you know? does it give one power to make the other person feel like **** or have someone kiss their toes, even though the fight was mutual or the other persons fault in the first place. ive been experiencing this situation. were it might end my relationship i really dont know. im not going to get into details of my situation or what happend but im looking on how to deal with. why is my gf powertripping why is she holding my love hostag why she wont accept appologies or appologize herself. why doesnt she miss me? why cant we just kiss and make up? i miss her , im trying to understand her. ive been with her for a long time. does she really not care and not miss me after this long? Link to post Share on other sites
Author mistakemaker1 Posted June 16, 2018 Author Share Posted June 16, 2018 so my spouse? if were even together. came by and dropped a small bag of clothes. and my suit off since ive been wearing the same underwear for a week lol... me and her are both in world wide group and there is an event tomorrow. so obviously she cares that i go. not all my clothes are in there, enough to sustain, so i do think that she cares about me still. best case scenario. she sits beside me at event, or she talks to me after event, or we screw in my vehicle. medium case scenario, we both go, she sees me n misses me, worst case scenario. i go n she shows up with another man, we have been together for almost 8 years, if she did scenario 3 i would probably end my life i bought her an engagement ring before the fight. i got scared everytime i was going to do it, i missed my time to jump through that window. we havent spoken for over a week, if i can save my relationship i will . and i truly feel like this is my chance. please every one, wish me luck and leave advice , thanks. ps everything that happend was my fault. Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted June 16, 2018 Share Posted June 16, 2018 (edited) <snip> we have been together for almost 8 years, if she did scenario 3 i would probably end my life i bought her an engagement ring before the fight. i got scared everytime i was going to do it, i missed my time to jump through that window. we havent spoken for over a week, if i can save my relationship i will . and i truly feel like this is my chance. please every one, wish me luck and leave advice , thanks. ps everything that happend was my fault. Please don't say that, think that or do that. So much attention on suicide right now & there are people who care about you and want to help so please call a hotline or reach out to a family member or friend if you feel like this. You can and will get through what you are going through now. You are stronger than you think you are even if it doesn't feel like it at the moment. First take care of yourself And good luck with the other stuff, just a note to be careful about putting your happiness or future in the hands of another person or on the outcome of what happens with another person. Life has natural ups and downs for everyone. There are people who need you here now or that you haven't even met yet that need you in this world. Take care. Edited July 3, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Truncate quote 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author mistakemaker1 Posted June 16, 2018 Author Share Posted June 16, 2018 so right now me and my gf have space between us, were stuck in the calm water zone, she made this move more than likley to reavaluate the situation and to stop the fighting n now i understand. this alone time made me realize everything that my gf would nag n complain about , it was all true. it was all my fault. everything that i was doing wrong , that she said was true. i became lazy, i stopped contributing around the house. i stopped cleaning, id play videogames. i stopped being all in. i felt astho my gf hurt me in the past that she should be punished forever. i was wrong. i made her struggle. i made her suffer for the hurt she caused me and for that i feel terrible. i never helped her with money or anything, because i was bitter about her leaving me for someone in the past. we would get into arguements and i would try and bring her down. the worst thing i could ever done, although my gf has done things to me, they are irrelivant compared to what ive done. emotionally speaking i ****ed up bad. i wasnt the best i could be, i didnt put in 100% , i dont even think i deserve her. if she wants to work things out, then id have to be the luckiest guy in the world. this is kinda an epiphany that i had.. theres more things i could have typed but thats the just of it, basically i am a lazy, goof of a prick, and she was right all along, i need to fix my self, our relationship is broken because i was broken, i know what she did in the past was wrong , but i cant hold that against her for ever, she was truly sorry, and i took her for granted. im gonna go get a hair cut everybody. then im giong to my event and my spouse will be there. im not going to look desperate or anything, if she wants to talk we can talk, but im not going to there too chase n beg, im going there for my online buisness, and to better myself. i think i need to prove tomyself that i can change for i can even consider rekindling my relationship. or else the same thing will just keep happening over and over, im staying at my moms for now and i looked in the room im staying in, it was a pig sty so i started cleaning. i know its a small step, but i feel likeits a step in the right direction. im just speaking my mind, but i feel like god beamed knowledge into my mind. i think if a relationship fails, maybe your not doing whats right, for get about what your spouse was doing, what can you do to fix this, the only thing you can do is to fix your self, and know that even though your spouse is not talking to you, she/he is watching your every move and judging, not all failed relationships need to end. Link to post Share on other sites
LimboGuy Posted June 17, 2018 Share Posted June 17, 2018 (edited) Seems like you have had a sudden realisation. Time alone, time left to think, is awesome for this reason. Especially in a time like we live in today, with so many distractions and electrical devices to absorb our attention. People lose touch with themselves, with reality and with how to better their lives and their own personality. I hope you can address your issues together, and rebuild your relationship. But as you have not said how long you've been together and what not, it may betook late. You know better than any of us here if it is or isn't too late, but you've got nothing to lose so go out and be the best version of yourself, and build upon the reasons you fell in love in the first place. It may also be a good idea to get some counselling, only because it can further and expand upon your realisation you have had, that's only a healthy and positive thing spiritually speaking. Edited July 3, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Merge and redact full quote of immediately preceding post Link to post Share on other sites
fromheart Posted June 17, 2018 Share Posted June 17, 2018 'She came off and dropped a small bag of clothes...' Thats not a sign of interest dude, I'm sorry to have to say it. When women go into giving his things back/chucking them away mode, its because they don't want you around. Worse still she may be dressing you up for disposable sex, the way a disposable plastic dil#o would be prepared for its designed purpose. You need to get all of your stuff back, and wear those smart clothes for a new life. Walk on and look after yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mistakemaker1 Posted June 18, 2018 Author Share Posted June 18, 2018 (edited) 'She came off and dropped a small bag of clothes...' <snip> You need to get all of your stuff back, and wear those smart clothes for a new life. Walk on and look after yourself. im happy to say that i just saved my relationship. we decided that we are going to councelling. and we are going to get through this. im so happy right now, all the weight is off of my shoulders. i will never ever treat my spouse poorly ever again. Edited July 3, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Truncate quote 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author mistakemaker1 Posted July 2, 2018 Author Share Posted July 2, 2018 My spouse n i just worked things out. But shes stuck in this cycle that she has been in before. She goes into rage mode n it keeps happening. She is very verbally abusive. N its getting out of control. Ive knoticed things that keep setting her off. She exploded this morning when the baby was crying n having a temper tantrum. My spouse suddenly jumped out of bed n exploded on me. My daughter who was sleeping in the other room n my other kid in the kitchen. Yelling saying that shes the only one who does anything. We were all just waking up. My spouse stormed off. Our "arguements" are a power struggle. Only her feelings matter. You cant calm her down. Always saying if you dont like it then you can leave. Or im done talking about it. She just appologized yesterday after a 2 hour struggle to comminicate with her. N that arguement started because i fell asleep with the baby n left a jar of penut butter on the counter. She said the same thing. I want you to leave. Its obvious that im the only one who is puttying any effort in at all. My spouse on the other hand gets angry over everything i do. I dont understand it. The rage of anger happens instantly. We could be laughing n loving one second n then suddenly one little thing like something in the wrong spot will set her off n she yells n gives attitude n over talks n screams. Like wtf is this? So i dono ive fought for our relationshipn i dont know why. Its like she just cant stand my presence. So i guess i cant change how someone feels about you. White flag i giveup. But these personality symptoms are so confusing. How can you love then instantly hate out of no where? Why cant she just stop the fighting instead she just demands to be wright all the time. Even if she does hypocriticle things. I dono. I just hate my life right now. Link to post Share on other sites
WhatYouWantToHear Posted July 2, 2018 Share Posted July 2, 2018 Counseling. Individual for her. Couples for both of you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 2, 2018 Share Posted July 2, 2018 First you have to figure out what you want. If you want her to calm down & for your marriage to work, you have to think about what it will take to make that happen: IC for her & MC for you both. If she won't go, then there is no other choice except divorce. If you simply want out, then make an appointment with a lawyer. Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted July 2, 2018 Share Posted July 2, 2018 Has she always been like this, or is it recent? Maybe it's a postpartum issue that requires at least temporary pharmaceutical intervention. Maybe you can find some way to ask her to ask her doctor about it, maybe noting that the children are distressed because of the outbursts and you want everyone to be healthy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted July 2, 2018 Share Posted July 2, 2018 Much needed context is in your other recent posts. In this one, you talk about how self reflection has made you realise that you've got to get it together. While I'm glad you were able to reevaluate yourself, I don't think you understand that it will take a lot of time and hard work on your part to rebuild after the previous damage done. In this one, you open by saying that she brought you clothes and that you've been wearing the same underwear for a week. Dude! It's a disgrace to be unable to go and buy yourself a few pairs of undies and a change of clothes. I'm not meaning to kick you when you're down, but you're doing yourself a disservice by portraying her as crazy when you're doing such crazymaking behaviour around her. Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted July 2, 2018 Share Posted July 2, 2018 Ok, I'm just confused now. This is all over the place. In some posts you call her your girlfriend, in some your wife. In some you say you messed up and did bad things, in others you say she's just blowing up without warning. Link to post Share on other sites
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