How to get over feeling like a loser after begging ex girlfriend back?

[srt92]

Long story short, i was with a female narcissist for 3 years. She's 27, and i am 25 years old. She was the dumper, and come to find out 3 weeks ago through a mutual friend she had moved in with her co-worker and got with someone else immediately after the break up, and that she did not want to return home to her 7 year old daughter, and her mother to get her life together. During the post break up i was torn really bad. I begged, pleaded, shared tears over the phone, all that stuff with her for i think a month if i could remember, for a little while i did speak to her occasionally and during that time i guess her confidence had boosted and she just blantaly friend-zone the hell out of me and was saying and doing things to intentionally break my hurt even further on how she's going out, and partying, and having fun and stuff. During this time i finally got to meet with her, and she acted as if she never knew me, and i tried to talk to her about the break up but she became annoyed by it. I'm not sure why but honestly i was broken, and i couldn't help it, and truly regret it everyday to this day. But at the same time i felt a sense of revenge from her in this act, like her actions were way to obvious posting happy pics on facebook, and posting pics of her being out, and posting pics of another guy on her social media if we had bumped heads. She was a subliminal type girl throughout the entire relationship. So, A few more weeks passed by and i started to cease talking to her more and more, by this point she told me she had wished me well, and to take care, and told me that she still loves me and miss me. (i made the mistake of telling her the same thing in return hoping i could get her back, yea really dumb on my part), and i didnt hear anything from her in 2 weeks. Then after a while i broke NC, and told her i still love her and miss her, and asked if her child was doing ok. She responded quite dry, and didnt same the same thing likewise. So then after that i got the message and went full blown NC to not get her back, but to an attempt to start getting over her. During NC, she would randomly text me about irrelevant things such as something i left at our apartment that i really did not

need, or some sorta junk mail of mine that came in and reminding me how she will be moving out our old apartment and that i "should" get an address change and so forth, and that i'm childish for ignoring her and etc,. During this phase, i just continued to ignore her. Last time she called was a couple months ago, i didn't answer, and i haven't heard anything since then. Also during the post break up she had her best friend's fiance guy call my phone talking trash, and telling me to leave her alone, and that it's over, and that he wanted to fight yada yada. (I was ready to fight the man, but come to find out, it was just all talk.) She's a highly immature person that does not want to have responsibilities obviously, and i finally have came to the point of not wanting her anymore thank god. But i am still embarrassed, i still feel upset and angry at times, and scared to run into her in public, and a side of me just wants revenge. (something i will never do) but I feel so ashamed for begging her back. This wasn't my first love, but it was the longest relationship i have ever been in so obviously i was in-experienced during the break up. Deep down inside My self confidence has ceased behind this breakup, but although i have been talking to other women that are interested, in fact i do have a date set up soon. The relationship with my ex was abusive, emotionally and physically. I wanted to move further in life financially, and mentally, and she was just trying to avoid responsibility as a mother and as a adult financially, and so forth. She had alot of baggage, didn't want to go back to school for her h.s diploma, didn't know how to fully drive, no drivers license, and left open domestic violence case she never took care of, she was lazy as hell the entire time. Is there anyway to completely get pass this? i don't want to be feeling this way dating other people.

Edited July 1, 2018 by srt92

[Marc878]

You can't fix the past but never repeat it. As far as running into her cool calm collected. No engagement.

 

All you have to say is "sorry, I have to go" then leave!!!!!

[Marc878]

Oh, and block everything. Like most she'll send a breadcrumb now and then

[srt92]

Oh, and block everything. Like most she'll send a breadcrumb now and then

 

You think so? And she can still see my instagram and Facebook. So your saying that won't be the last I hear from her? And if she does reach out I'm still going to ignore her. I hate that woman with a passion.

[Marc878]

Just block and move on. Anything at this point is a waste of time

[srt92]

Oh, and block everything. Like most she'll send a breadcrumb now and then

 

Just block and move on. Anything at this point is a waste of time

 

Yea I'm just curious of she will ever contact me again, not that I want to get back with her, but to know if she still thinks about me, or hasn't completely forgot about me

[Blanco]

Trust me, it's best to not even spend too much time wondering those things. It doesn't matter.

[CantTakeMySmile]

Long story short, i was with a female narcissist for 3 years. She's 27, and i am 25 years old. She was the dumper, and come to find out 3 weeks ago through a mutual friend she had moved in with her co-worker and got with someone else immediately after the break up, and that she did not want to return home to her 7 year old daughter, and her mother to get her life together. During the post break up i was torn really bad. I begged, pleaded, shared tears over the phone, all that stuff with her for i think a month if i could remember, for a little while i did speak to her occasionally and during that time i guess her confidence had boosted and she just blantaly friend-zone the hell out of me and was saying and doing things to intentionally break my hurt even further on how she's going out, and partying, and having fun and stuff. During this time i finally got to meet with her, and she acted as if she never knew me, and i tried to talk to her about the break up but she became annoyed by it. I'm not sure why but honestly i was broken, and i couldn't help it, and truly regret it everyday to this day. But at the same time i felt a sense of revenge from her in this act, like her actions were way to obvious posting happy pics on facebook, and posting pics of her being out, and posting pics of another guy on her social media if we had bumped heads. She was a subliminal type girl throughout the entire relationship. So, A few more weeks passed by and i started to cease talking to her more and more, by this point she told me she had wished me well, and to take care, and told me that she still loves me and miss me. (i made the mistake of telling her the same thing in return hoping i could get her back, yea really dumb on my part), and i didnt hear anything from her in 2 weeks. Then after a while i broke NC, and told her i still love her and miss her, and asked if her child was doing ok. She responded quite dry, and didnt same the same thing likewise. So then after that i got the message and went full blown NC to not get her back, but to an attempt to start getting over her. During NC, she would randomly text me about irrelevant things such as something i left at our apartment that i really did not

need, or some sorta junk mail of mine that came in and reminding me how she will be moving out our old apartment and that i "should" get an address change and so forth, and that i'm childish for ignoring her and etc,. During this phase, i just continued to ignore her. Last time she called was a couple months ago, i didn't answer, and i haven't heard anything since then. Also during the post break up she had her best friend's fiance guy call my phone talking trash, and telling me to leave her alone, and that it's over, and that he wanted to fight yada yada. (I was ready to fight the man, but come to find out, it was just all talk.) She's a highly immature person that does not want to have responsibilities obviously, and i finally have came to the point of not wanting her anymore thank god. But i am still embarrassed, i still feel upset and angry at times, and scared to run into her in public, and a side of me just wants revenge. (something i will never do) but I feel so ashamed for begging her back. This wasn't my first love, but it was the longest relationship i have ever been in so obviously i was in-experienced during the break up. Deep down inside My self confidence has ceased behind this breakup, but although i have been talking to other women that are interested, in fact i do have a date set up soon. The relationship with my ex was abusive, emotionally and physically. I wanted to move further in life financially, and mentally, and she was just trying to avoid responsibility as a mother and as a adult financially, and so forth. She had alot of baggage, didn't want to go back to school for her h.s diploma, didn't know how to fully drive, no drivers license, and left open domestic violence case she never took care of, she was lazy as hell the entire time. Is there anyway to completely get pass this? i don't want to be feeling this way dating other people.

 

What are you asking?

[CantTakeMySmile]

Yea I'm just curious of she will ever contact me again, not that I want to get back with her, but to know if she still thinks about me, or hasn't completely forgot about me

 

This doesn’t sound like you hate her. Why not block her? Just because you are curious? You aren’t curious about people you hate with a passion.

[srt92]

This doesn’t sound like you hate her. Why not block her? Just because you are curious? You aren’t curious about people you hate with a passion.

 

Well let's look at what happened...I already made myself needy and made it seem like I needed her when I was begging for her back. I'm not going to block her because i feel that doing that only reveals that I'm still hurt by her, and that I'm a further more weak individual. And I dont want that. I want that evil B to see how I'm progressing in due time.

[srt92]

What are you asking?

 

I'm asking how should I get over feeling like pathetic p.o.s when I begged her back during the post break up. I feel ashamed that I did that, and futher more am regretting that everyday. And I just want to move on and stop living in the past. I feel like that B has got the upper hand on me and It makes me miserable. Like honestly I hate that woman

[Mac0908]

I'm asking how should I get over feeling like pathetic p.o.s when I begged her back during the post break up. I feel ashamed that I did that, and futher more am regretting that everyday. And I just want to move on and stop living in the past. I feel like that B has got the upper hand on me and It makes me miserable. Like honestly I hate that woman

 

It's called losing your dignity. Sucky feeling, isn't it? We've all been there, including myself. Best thing to know is that you will learn from this mistake and hopefully never ever make it again. It's threads like these that push me to make sure guys know how to handle a woman post break up. Unfortunately we've become programmed to think we're supposed to chase and even beg sometimes, and this is what ends up happening. We end up curled up on the couch feeling pathetic. Your journey towards healing has only just begun my friend, but the good news is you're on the right track coming here for help. Stick to NC for absolute starters, surround yourself with friends and people who care, go to the gym a little more than usual, treat yourself to some fun stuff whether it be a night out or new clothes, etc and most importantly, STICK to NC.

[Zahara]

Well let's look at what happened...I already made myself needy and made it seem like I needed her when I was begging for her back. I'm not going to block her because i feel that doing that only reveals that I'm still hurt by her, and that I'm a further more weak individual. And I dont want that. I want that evil B to see how I'm progressing in due time.

 

Then the focus is still on her. That’s weak on your part because you’re still trying to receive some form of validation from her. You still care about what she thinks. If you claim she’s a narcissist, why the importance of making a statement?

 

You block and shut down any possibility of contact because it helps you self-preserve and it allows you to safely heal. This is where you prioritize your wellbeing above anything else. It’s the mature thing to do.

 

What you’re doing is still trying to receive some form of validation from her. Childish games. If you claim she’s this abusive person, the smartest thing you can do for yourself is cut full contact and disappear. People like her won’t miss you because they’re emotional about you but only because they don’t have their puppet to kick around anymore. So your need to prove a point is fruitless.

[stillafool]

Well let's look at what happened...I already made myself needy and made it seem like I needed her when I was begging for her back. I'm not going to block her because i feel that doing that only reveals that I'm still hurt by her, and that I'm a further more weak individual. And I dont want that. I want that evil B to see how I'm progressing in due time.

 

No actually the opposite. I shows that you could care less now and no longer wish for any contact with her and could care less if she's trying to contact you or not. If you hate her with a passion this should work well for you.

[stillafool]

I'm asking how should I get over feeling like pathetic p.o.s when I begged her back during the post break up. I feel ashamed that I did that, and futher more am regretting that everyday. And I just want to move on and stop living in the past. I feel like that B has got the upper hand on me and It makes me miserable. Like honestly I hate that woman

 

You get over this by blocking any contact she has to you. Outta sight, outta mind.

[Marc878]

You aren’t blocking her because you want her to contact you.

 

Living on hopium won’t get you a thing.

 

You want your respect back. Don’t ever take that kind of crap from anyone again.

 

Sounds like you’re settling yourself up for a repeat

[srt92]

Then the focus is still on her. That’s weak on your part because you’re still trying to receive some form of validation from her. You still care about what she thinks. If you claim she’s a narcissist, why the importance of making a statement?

 

You block and shut down any possibility of contact because it helps you self-preserve and it allows you to safely heal. This is where you prioritize your wellbeing above anything else. It’s the mature thing to do.

 

What you’re doing is still trying to receive some form of validation from her. Childish games. If you claim she’s this abusive person, the smartest thing you can do for yourself is cut full contact and disappear. People like her won’t miss you because they’re emotional about you but only because they don’t have their puppet to kick around anymore. So your need to prove a point is fruitless.

 

I was just going by what friends and family told me. They told me to improve myself, not only just to prove a point, but for my own well being. I'm not a bump on the log waiting for a response from her I could care less. I refuse to do drastic measures such as changing my phone number and etc all behind A ex. Yea some sort of pride I have as you can see. I was just curious. I'm not in hopes or getting back with her, its just that as time goes by, I realize the mistakes I shouldn't have did during the post break up and in return I just feel like a loser, and I was just asking how to overcome this without going out of my way to do such drastic things as I described earlier.

[srt92]

You aren’t blocking her because you want her to contact you.

 

Living on hopium won’t get you a thing.

 

You want your respect back. Don’t ever take that kind of crap from anyone again.

 

Sounds like you’re settling yourself up for a

 

Whether if she does or not I'm not gonna care, and as time goes by, my curious thoughts would fade. A few months ago I was begging for her back and I honestly thought that would never stop but it did as time went by. Maybe I just need more time don't you agree?

[srt92]

You aren’t blocking her because you want her to contact you.

 

Living on hopium won’t get you a thing.

 

You want your respect back. Don’t ever take that kind of crap from anyone again.

 

Sounds like you’re settling yourself up for a repeat

 

Whether if she does or not I'm not gonna care, and as time goes by, my curious thoughts would fade. A few months ago I was begging for her back and I honestly thought that would never stop but it did as time went by. Maybe I just need more time don't you agree? I'm pretty sure once I run into someone all these thoughts will fade.

[srt92]

This doesn’t sound like you hate her. Why not block her? Just because you are curious? You aren’t curious about people you hate with a passion.

 

Yea I do hate her. I have regrets from meeting her, ND I did have regrets and resentment during the relationship

[Beachead]

Hey OP,

 

I'll start by stating what you already know. Your ex is toxic for you. She's got problems that she needs to deal with on her own. I don't know if she will ever allow herself the opportunity of that but I do know that it is out of your control.

 

To answer your question about why she was so cold..your ex wanted to explore other options and felt like the relationship was holding her back from this. It felt like a prison. Coincidently, when she left you, she knew she hurt you and felt guilty for it. Some people avoid the guilt by distracting themselves. At the same time, with her new found freedom, she felt like an uncaged bird and flew. Explored everything. Dated, socialized, did what she wanted to do without having to answer to anyone. Everytime you came back to talk aobut the breakup, you reminded her of what she did which made her feel like crap. So, she responded with coldness and distance and irritation. It has to do with her, not with you.

 

Keep your life light right now and don't date. Your anger and resentment as well as the damage this girl caused you will spill over into new relationships. Things are still relatively fresh and you'll need some time to heal.

 

Having said that, do socialize to meet other people. Let all the different kinds of personalities rub off of on you and remind you there are good people out there. Join activities that you love and that are in line with your heart. This will allow you to meet people who share in your interests and goals.

 

Additionally, continue to work on your academic and career goals. Continue to read books and exercise etc.

 

Do this and give yourself a good year. Wounds will take time to heal. I promise you'll notice a positive change by then.

 

- Beach

Edited July 2, 2018 by Beachead

[preraph]

Trouble is you are still hung up on her. You want to hear from her. You want to think she cares. You may even want to be the one to dump her -- which you should do, and how you do it is blocking her from your social media and your phone and every way possible and not talk about her to friends that it may get back to her and show her that you are DONE and are no longer interested in getting her back. You did humiliate yourself and you can't fix that, but you can redeem yourself by not caring NOW and not looking at her social media and not letting her contact you by email or text or any other way.

 

Don't you see? The goal is for you to stop caring what she thinks. Only then are you really over her. Let her think what she wants. Who cares? You're done.

[srt92]

Hey OP,

 

I'll start by stating what you already know. Your ex is toxic for you. She's got problems that she needs to deal with on her own. I don't know if she will ever allow herself the opportunity of that but I do know that it is out of your control.

 

To answer your question about why she was so cold..your ex wanted to explore other options and felt like the relationship was holding her back from this. It felt like a prison. Coincidently, when she left you, she knew she hurt you and felt guilty for it. Some people avoid the guilt by distracting themselves. At the same time, with her new found freedom, she felt like an uncaged bird and flew. Explored everything. Dated, socialized, did what she wanted to do without having to answer to anyone. Everytime you came back to talk aobut the breakup, you reminded her of what she did which made her feel like crap. So, she responded with coldness and distance and irritation. It has to do with her, not with you.

 

Keep your life light right now and don't date. Your anger and resentment as well as the damage this girl caused you will spill over into new relationships. Things are still relatively fresh and you'll need some time to heal.

 

Having said that, do socialize to meet other people. Let all the different kinds of personalities rub off of on you and remind you there are good people out there. Join activities that you love and that are in line with your heart. This will allow you to meet people who share in your interests and goals.

 

Additionally, continue to work on your academic and career goals. Continue to read books and exercise etc.

 

Do this and give yourself a good year. Wounds will take time to heal. I promise you'll notice a positive change by then.

 

- Beach

 

As heart breaking as that sounds it's true. She had already detached herself emotionally that's why sometime before the break up she was acting horrible which led us to argue and fight so bad to where she timed it to call it quits. That's why I hate her. And that's why the B said "I hope you won't hate me". I'm not sure how I ran into this person. I hope she karma for that. I went so far out my way for her and her child. Words can't explain.

[srt92]

Trouble is you are still hung up on her. You want to hear from her. You want to think she cares. You may even want to be the one to dump her -- which you should do, and how you do it is blocking her from your social media and your phone and every way possible and not talk about her to friends that it may get back to her and show her that you are DONE and are no longer interested in getting her back. You did humiliate yourself and you can't fix that, but you can redeem yourself by not caring NOW and not looking at her social media and not letting her contact you by email or text or any other way.

 

Don't you see? The goal is for you to stop caring what she thinks. Only then are you really over her. Let her think what she wants. Who cares? You're done.

 

 

Yea I forgot to mention, i made a dedicated promise to quit looking at her a social media a few months ago, and to this day I still haven't viewed or reached out to look at any of her social media or anything. So no I haven't been snooping, along with nc that I initiated a couple months back. The nc and the fact that I haven't seen her social media in a few months is making me curious. I just feel less of a man because of the humuliation. But like you said who cares what she thinks? I have to keep telling myself that.

[srt92]

Hey OP,

 

I'll start by stating what you already know. Your ex is toxic for you. She's got problems that she needs to deal with on her own. I don't know if she will ever allow herself the opportunity of that but I do know that it is out of your control.

 

To answer your question about why she was so cold..your ex wanted to explore other options and felt like the relationship was holding her back from this. It felt like a prison. Coincidently, when she left you, she knew she hurt you and felt guilty for it. Some people avoid the guilt by distracting themselves. At the same time, with her new found freedom, she felt like an uncaged bird and flew. Explored everything. Dated, socialized, did what she wanted to do without having to answer to anyone. Everytime you came back to talk aobut the breakup, you reminded her of what she did which made her feel like crap. So, she responded with coldness and distance and irritation. It has to do with her, not with you.

 

Keep your life light right now and don't date. Your anger and resentment as well as the damage this girl caused you will spill over into new relationships. Things are still relatively fresh and you'll need some time to heal.

 

Having said that, do socialize to meet other people. Let all the different kinds of personalities rub off of on you and remind you there are good people out there. Join activities that you love and that are in line with your heart. This will allow you to meet people who share in your interests and goals.

 

Additionally, continue to work on your academic and career goals. Continue to read books and exercise etc.

 

Do this and give yourself a good year. Wounds will take time to heal. I promise you'll notice a positive change by then.

 

- Beach

 

And btw, I a talking to a woman who I really like..your saying as far as dating I shouldn't date so, does that mean I need to back off of her as and quit talking to her? I'm confused here.