jjb117 Posted July 1, 2018 Share Posted July 1, 2018 Kind of a crazy question, but for some reason I feel the need to catch up with my ex. I wrote this in another forum, but I wasn't getting any traction & i'm trying to get opinions here. We haven't uttered a word to each other in almost a year, I think it has been 10 months at this point. To give you some background information, she broke up with me so i'm the dumpee, and before it was a definitive break up, we went through a bs break that lasted for way too long. Anyways, it all started when one of my friends randomly showed a picture of my ex with her gf (she's bi). And for some reason, I felt indifferent, almost happy. As if, they were meant for each other. As if, they were a better fit for each other and that fine with me. Although i'm not necessarily with anyone else, I've dated a lot since. I understand now that there are other people out there for me - which is something I couldn't grasp in the beginning of the breakup. I just, I just don't know whether to do it though. I've blocked her this whole time up until yesterday, not sure if she even has my number still. It would seem very strange of me to POP right back in, but i'm so curious as to what she's up to. But at the same time, she hurt me more than anyone else has. I don't have anything against her, but I can't just let that slide either, right? I have been going back and forth on this one. I just don't know what to do. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted July 1, 2018 Share Posted July 1, 2018 Dude it's been a year....move on. Let her go. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted July 1, 2018 Share Posted July 1, 2018 Kind of a crazy question, but for some reason I feel the need to catch up with my ex. I wrote this in another forum, but I wasn't getting any traction & i'm trying to get opinions here.. Ex's are ex's for a reason. Does this have anything to do with the chick from the other post not texting to your satisfaction? Reaching back for an ex is not a good idea. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 1, 2018 Share Posted July 1, 2018 I can't see what you stand to gain from contacting her, OP. I would not recommend you reach out. Some doors are just not meant to be opened again. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jjb117 Posted July 1, 2018 Author Share Posted July 1, 2018 Dude it's been a year....move on. Let her go. ???? That's the point of the question. I have moved on, as in, I feel nothing for her. I'm friends with my other ex's, so it's possible. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jjb117 Posted July 1, 2018 Author Share Posted July 1, 2018 I can't see what you stand to gain from contacting her, OP. I would not recommend you reach out. Some doors are just not meant to be opened again. That's what I was thinking. There's not much to gain, but i'm not losing much either. I want to contact her, but at the same time i'm in no rush. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jjb117 Posted July 1, 2018 Author Share Posted July 1, 2018 Ex's are ex's for a reason. Does this have anything to do with the chick from the other post not texting to your satisfaction? Reaching back for an ex is not a good idea. Could be - i'll tell you reaching out to her would be for my own personal gain if I have to tell you the truth. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted July 1, 2018 Share Posted July 1, 2018 It turned ugly at the end why keep in contact with someone that treated you like crap? Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted July 1, 2018 Share Posted July 1, 2018 Weak move. She dumped you. Stay dumped Link to post Share on other sites
ElKay Posted July 1, 2018 Share Posted July 1, 2018 Could be - i'll tell you reaching out to her would be for my own personal gain if I have to tell you the truth. So let me get this straight, it's for your own personal gain to lose your dignity? Link to post Share on other sites
Author jjb117 Posted July 1, 2018 Author Share Posted July 1, 2018 It turned ugly at the end why keep in contact with someone that treated you like crap? Simple. In these kinds of situations, someone is bound to get hurt. But I believe her intentions weren't to cause me pain. She, like my other ex's, were very important people to me. They were good people too. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jjb117 Posted July 1, 2018 Author Share Posted July 1, 2018 So let me get this straight, it's for your own personal gain to lose your dignity? Asking for a second chance and longing for her would be losing my dignity. But to be friends with someone who I was once close to, all the while letting go of our past is nothing close to that. Seems to me you haven't had the best relationships with your ex's. To each their own. Link to post Share on other sites
ElKay Posted July 1, 2018 Share Posted July 1, 2018 Asking for a second chance and longing for her would be losing my dignity. But to be friends with someone who I was once close to, all the while letting go of our past is nothing close to that. Seems to me you haven't had the best relationships with your ex's. To each their own. I am still friends with one of my exs, but that's because we didn't have a bad breakup at all. We stayed friends from the start. My recent ex, who dumped me because he lost interest, may have asked to be friends, but since we've been doing NC, I'm not crawling back. I've moved on and have better things to do/people to see. If you feel like reaching out will "help you" somehow inside, good for you. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted July 1, 2018 Share Posted July 1, 2018 Yes some of us have no use to keep certain people in our lives....not a bad thing either. If you feel your exes are all good people to keep in your life, then why are you asking us whether you should reach out or not? What is holding you back? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted July 2, 2018 Share Posted July 2, 2018 So this is a "so I don't have to be alone" move... I'm curious though... what makes you think that she would be open to reaching backwards again after a year of not dealing with you? Link to post Share on other sites
Romantic_Antics Posted July 2, 2018 Share Posted July 2, 2018 After a year you should only be connecting with [X's] in a game of tic-tac-toe. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jjb117 Posted July 2, 2018 Author Share Posted July 2, 2018 So this is a "so I don't have to be alone" move... I'm curious though... what makes you think that she would be open to reaching backwards again after a year of not dealing with you? Reaching backwards again after a year of not dealing with me? Those words alone tell me more about your state of mind than what you've said thus far. To answer your question, I am more than certain she'd be open for it. Though it may have been words said at the heat of the moment, she did say that she did not want me to leave her life. I told her I had to, I couldn't stay as a friend. At least not right now. She then said that she'll respect my wishes and vanish if she has to, but would gladly take me back "with arms wide open" but as a friend. And she's done so. Her reaching out before isn't a matter of her not wanting to "deal" with me, but rather allowing me to heal. Our relationship wasn't bad at all. We rarely fought. There's no bad blood between us. Link to post Share on other sites
ElKay Posted July 2, 2018 Share Posted July 2, 2018 To answer your question, I am more than certain she'd be open for it. So.... why ask us if you've already made up your mind on this? We're just bringing our opinions here to help you, which is what you've come to ask us. Did you only want us to say: "Yeah! Contact her! Good job!". I'm a bit confused about your intentions with this post then. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
HiCrunchy Posted July 2, 2018 Share Posted July 2, 2018 If ur over her, and want to contact her I dont see anything wrong with it. Worst she can do is say she doesnt want to be friends. Link to post Share on other sites
BoxNSox Posted July 2, 2018 Share Posted July 2, 2018 If ur over her, and want to contact her I dont see anything wrong with it. Worst she can do is say she doesnt want to be friends. I agree. I don't understand why you would really want to reach out to her after a year, but if it's what you want to do then do it and don't ask our permission. If you're over her it's not going to hurt anything one way or another because you won't care that much if she doesn't respond or says she's not interested in being your friend. I suspect you're hoping to rekindle something more than friendship with her though. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 2, 2018 Share Posted July 2, 2018 OP, let's imagine you reach out to her, and a few possible resulting scenarios: A) You learn she's got a new boyfriend now and is happy with him. She's cordial with you, but not overly keen to keep talking to you. B) You get no response C) You get a lukewarm, generic "Hey, great to hear from you! How are you?" reply. She single but vague about keeping the lines of communication open with you and drops off the radar again after a couple days. How will you feel in each of the above situations? I am not saying her replies would be limited to the above, but it's worth envisioning how a less-than-enthusiastic response would make you feel. Also, what does friendship with an ex look like to you? Just general chatting once in a while, meeting up for coffee, or? There is a big difference between exchanging pleasantries from time to time, and building a true friendship. I am curious to know which you'd prefer from this specific ex. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted July 2, 2018 Share Posted July 2, 2018 (edited) Reaching backwards again after a year of not dealing with me? Those words alone tell me more about your state of mind than what you've said thus far. My state of mind is like most mentally and emotionally healthy people who aren't anxious to be with someone just to not be alone: to leave ex's in the past because if things were that great about them, they wouldn't be your ex. Would you even be doing this if the chick in the other thread worked out? You can't tolerate being by yourself until the right female comes along? Our relationship wasn't bad at all. We rarely fought. There's no bad blood between us. So how many times in the past year has she reached out to you to rekindle your relationship, seeing it wasn't all that bad? Edited July 2, 2018 by kendahke 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted July 2, 2018 Share Posted July 2, 2018 So.... why ask us if you've already made up your mind on this? We're just bringing our opinions here to help you, which is what you've come to ask us. Did you only want us to say: "Yeah! Contact her! Good job!". I'm a bit confused about your intentions with this post then. Thank you, ElKay 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jjb117 Posted July 2, 2018 Author Share Posted July 2, 2018 So.... why ask us if you've already made up your mind on this? We're just bringing our opinions here to help you, which is what you've come to ask us. Did you only want us to say: "Yeah! Contact her! Good job!". I'm a bit confused about your intentions with this post then. I was on the fence when writing it but made up my mind within the span of a day. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jjb117 Posted July 2, 2018 Author Share Posted July 2, 2018 I agree. I don't understand why you would really want to reach out to her after a year, but if it's what you want to do then do it and don't ask our permission. If you're over her it's not going to hurt anything one way or another because you won't care that much if she doesn't respond or says she's not interested in being your friend. I suspect you're hoping to rekindle something more than friendship with her though. No, because I just know it wouldn't work out. We eventually would have to be long distance and then remain that way for a long period of time until she graduates from med school. Plus, I plan on living in Chicago, while she wants to remain in the East Coast. Our families wouldn't mesh either, like it just could not work out. Link to post Share on other sites
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