Trying to Understand

[confusedinseattle35]

So here goes my dissertation. I have been in a short term relationship with this girl. I am a 35 yo male and she is 25. Everything was great in the relationship, no fighting, we just always enjoyed each other's company. Feelings took off on both sides faster than I've ever seen in any relationship. We literally stayed with each other almost every evening (rushed things).

 

Once the exclusive issue was brought up (after a month), she was gone the next day. I felt the talk needed to happen because I could see our feelings were mutual and we had discussed all the things that couples talk about (future, wants/needs, etc.). I'll just put this in there to further clarify. It had been defined as a relationship at least.

 

We ended up talking a few days later. The end result was that we would go back to the way things were, but just not place a label on it. Well, that lasted for a week because she kept making excuses and didn't want to see me (and she was back on Match). So I had the final talk with her face to face and asked if she saw a future to which she replied she did not. I said that it seems as though I should move on with my life, which I did. She did not try to stop me.

 

So about a month later, she texted me out of the blue. I had no clue who it was initially because I had deleted her number. One of the things that I called her out again was her saying that she did not see a future. She ended up admitting that she is scared to death of a future and that was her way of kind of pushing me out the door.

 

We started talking/texting nonstop every day again and ended up meeting up for coffee. She ended up staying at my house and well we all know how that evening went....let's just say really well! However, AFTER "the deed" she was honest with me and said she did not want a relationship. But, our "friendship" was/is clearly not just that. There were strong feelings on both sides still after the breakup.

 

After about 4 days, I asked her to come over and she made up an excuse. The next day as we were talking I asked her to come over and she said she just didn't feel like it. I showed frustration and after that, she stopped texting me after telling me I just didn't understand her. So I apologized and let it go for the evening. The next few days, she didn't text me (she is a texter and will text all day long) and didn't respond to my texts. I sent one "How are you today text" each day.

 

Had we not went through this before the first time, I wouldn't have really gotten upset. But she was doing the same thing to me (making up excuses and not texting me as much). Anyway, the next day I decided to open up and tell her that it hurts because I've always been there for her and she's shutting me out again. I told her I had been doing fine and seeing other people (she was too) and that she reached out only to start pulling away from me again. I asked her to please be considerate by letting me know if she would like to continue contact. It was a lengthy heartfelt text and she just ignored it.

 

Two days later, she blocked me on Facebook. We weren't even Facebook friends because I told her the first time that she broke things off that I needed to do it for myself to help me be able to move on. I told her before doing it so she would understand and not be offended. But now I'm asking myself questions like "Did she block me for being too pushy?", "Did she block me because I made mention that I had been seeing other girls?" It's driving me nuts.

 

Anyway, now I am beating myself up. I feel like she gave us another chance and then I got too clingy by trying to get her to come over and I feel like my last heartfelt text pushed her over the edge. Did I do anything wrong here? I am not going to reach back out to her because I think her blocking me was her way of indirectly saying leave me alone, but that's just speculation.

 

At this point, I'm more interested in figuring out what went wrong and trying to see if I'm beating myself up over this for a valid reason or if I'm just playing mind games with myself. I know I will never hear from her again so I've already accepted the let it go mentality. I'm just trying to heal and move on. Thanks for reading and I look forward to hearing some constructive criticism because I want to learn from this experience.

[PRW]

So here goes my dissertation. I have been in a short term relationship with this girl. I am a 35 yo male and she is 25. Everything was great in the relationship, no fighting, we just always enjoyed each other's company. Feelings took off on both sides faster than I've ever seen in any relationship. We literally stayed with each other almost every evening (rushed things).

 

Once the exclusive issue was brought up (after a month), she was gone the next day. I felt the talk needed to happen because I could see our feelings were mutual and we had discussed all the things that couples talk about (future, wants/needs, etc.). I'll just put this in there to further clarify. It had been defined as a relationship at least.

 

 

No point in going beyond the second paragraph. The guy is NEVER to be the one to bring up "the talk",...period. Your behavor was the classic needy insecure beta-male crap,...gotta "lock her down" before some other guy comes along and takes her away!. The first paragraph made the second paragraph inevitable. The rest of the paragraphs below that just prove I'm right.

 

 

There are tons of videos on YouTube about this stuff, find them, and figure it out. One of the best books out there on the subject is "How to be a 3% Man" by Corey Wayne.