Talking Engagement

[Veryconfused09]

My girlfriend of 1.5 years and I are talking engagement and the topic of rings came up. I had what I thought was a very generous idea of what I want to spend. I ran it buy some friends who recently got engaged and they agreed what I was thinking was very generous.

 

Then my girlfriend wants a ring that is 3x the amount I thought was very generous. When I had severe hesitations she went nuts saying I am cheap and I don’t love her if I won’t do what makes her happy. It led to a huge fight that might end our relationship.

 

I don’t want to lose her but demanding a crazy ring makes me think I should look at this as a very bad sign and maybe I am better off without her.

 

I am curious to what people think?

 

Very confused.

[Happy Lemming]

....I don’t want to lose her but demanding a crazy ring makes me think I should look at this as a very bad sign...

 

You think?? Of course this is a bad sign. Its a preview of things to come.

 

She wants a ring 3X as much, as you can afford... this isn't going to end well.

[Els]

Nobody should be demanding anything from their partner and threatening to break up if they don't get what they want... so you're right, this is a red flag.

 

 

Out of curiosity, what is the "generous amount" that you intended to spend?

[ItIsNotMe]

If she did love you for real, she would be happy for a proposal even with a beer cap ring. You're not cheap. She's just a greedy gold digger who wants to brag about her expensive ring among her friends. Love isn't mean to be proved by money and expensive gifts. Today an expensive ring, tomorrow - a ferrari and if you aren't able to provide them - good bye. I know that the struggle is real but let her go for your own good.

[trippi1432]

Honestly, your post denotes that neither of you are ready for such a commitment. If the value of a ring and, well..."your idea" of the cost are a mile apart then it just isn't the "time".

 

And to note, it really isn't appropriate to paint anyone a "gold digger" or determine how a relationship will be by these indications without knowing the OP's actual situation. If there is any indication of the proper way to go about the ring, my fiance' told me that it should be 3x a man's wages. I have a beautiful ring that two prior ex-husband's never compared to, neither of them made a very high wage, and did poorly in the husband department to be honest, and not because of the ring.

 

At the end of the day, the engagement ring doesn't make the marriage, but pettiness on both of your parts can cheapen the marriage really quick. Hopefully you both find that you have more to offer to a marriage than just "the ring"?

[d0nnivain]

There are two sides to this.

 

 

1. An engagement ring is a gift. It's just a symbol & it really shouldn't be about the money.

 

 

2. She has to wear it every day so she gets some say in whether she likes it.

 

 

The diamond industry claims you should spend 2 months salary on a ring. I don't necessarily agree with that. I do think the ring should be at the level of your lifestyle. If I was dating a millionaire who drove an expensive sports car, I'd be hurt if I was offered a cloudy 1/2 carat diamond with a lot of flaws, unless it was a sentimental ring. However, if was young & my FI proposed with the same ring because that was in line with his net worth, I'd be thrilled even if I was secretly plotting about my 10th anniversary upgrade.

 

 

For her to call you cheap is mean. She should have been more gracious. She can express an opinion but should have done so diplomatically. I'd table the discussion about weddings for a while. Give yourselves time to mature & do more research about the costs of things, including weddings which are ghastly expensive.