wainright Posted June 22, 2018 Share Posted June 22, 2018 My girlfriend and I are at the verge of breaking up. I simply don’t know what to do anymore. I’ve sought the help of her friends, my friends, both my parents and hers but to no avail. I’ve also watched videos online and read some international dating blogs, personal blogs, open forums on dating, etc. I’m about to give up. Talking to her doesn’t even work anymore. After being together for about 8 years, I guess there’s nothing much to do at this point. Can someone give me some advice about this? Link to post Share on other sites
springy Posted June 22, 2018 Share Posted June 22, 2018 what are the issues? Does she have any interest in working things out? Have you been LD for 8 years?? Link to post Share on other sites
Funny bunny Posted June 22, 2018 Share Posted June 22, 2018 What if you said “I will move to be near you because I take this relationship seriously.” What if the long distance is the issue itself? Why can’t you guys be closer together? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted June 22, 2018 Share Posted June 22, 2018 Have the entire 8 years been long distance? Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted June 22, 2018 Share Posted June 22, 2018 8 years long distance is an unsustainably long time. Why has neither of you moved closer to the other by now? Link to post Share on other sites
Author wainright Posted June 22, 2018 Author Share Posted June 22, 2018 what are the issues? Does she have any interest in working things out? Have you been LD for 8 years?? I'll be lying to myself if I say that she does because it feels more like she doesn't want anymore. Not for all of the 8 years Link to post Share on other sites
Author wainright Posted June 22, 2018 Author Share Posted June 22, 2018 What if you said “I will move to be near you because I take this relationship seriously.” What if the long distance is the issue itself? Why can’t you guys be closer together? We weren't LD the whole time. We were together for 5-6 years then left for another country to pursue better opportunities. And I tried that already. I asked her if she wants me to come back or if wants to go her instead but she isn't too keen. Have the entire 8 years been long distance? No we weren't. 8 years long distance is an unsustainably long time. Why has neither of you moved closer to the other by now? I already asked her to come here or if she wants me to come back there but she's not too fond of the idea. I didn't push it because she was starting to get pissed. Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted June 22, 2018 Share Posted June 22, 2018 I've heard there are counselors who do therapy via phone or skype like settings. Have you looked into that? Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted June 22, 2018 Share Posted June 22, 2018 It sounds to me like the relationship, for her, is over. What are the problems you feel you two need counseling for? Link to post Share on other sites
Author wainright Posted June 25, 2018 Author Share Posted June 25, 2018 I've heard there are counselors who do therapy via phone or skype like settings. Have you looked into that? No. Haven't heard about those actually. It sounds to me like the relationship, for her, is over. What are the problems you feel you two need counseling for? Maybe something like those in marriage counseling where the counselor helps you fix things Link to post Share on other sites
marky00 Posted June 25, 2018 Share Posted June 25, 2018 (edited) What if you said “I will move to be near you because I take this relationship seriously.” What if the long distance is the issue itself? Why can’t you guys be closer together? Because sometimes that's what actually ends the LDR. I was in a LDR for 9 years so I know what you are going through. The difficult part with LDRs is if your partner starts to disconnect emotionally, you don't really see it because they are able to hide it fairly easily. As much as saying you will go there in person with a plan to stay there indefinitely sounds good in theory but in practice she will probably see that as clingy behavior. She might not like the fact your willing to uproot and leave your job etc on account of her. This is why LDRs are so hard. For the first few years, its fine because the emotions are high and the dream seems real, but eventually one party starts to feel disappointed with things and drifts away and it's too late to fix it because they were able to hide their true feelings due to the distance. If you feel like you have made it clear to her you care, you should actually walk away now and tell her your going NC because things don't seem fixable. I know that will be very hard but trust me when I tell you that's the only tiny chance you have she might gain interest again. Anything else you do just digs a bigger hole for you. You guys have know each other for a long time and I guarantee you that she will contact you at some point, usually after a few months. Not saying that will lead to a reconciliation but she will value you more for being strong and walking. Edited June 25, 2018 by marky00 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted June 25, 2018 Share Posted June 25, 2018 No. Haven't heard about those actually. Maybe something like those in marriage counseling where the counselor helps you fix things For example? Link to post Share on other sites
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