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Fiancee and I have broken up


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I'm 32. She's 25. We worked together. We were together 2 years total.

 

Two months after getting engaged, we started fighting a lot. Usually it involved alcohol. She would flip out and then I would tell her to go home. She met a new group of girlfriends and started paying less attention to me. While on a vacation, she has too much to drink and I get annoyed, so I say I'm sleeping on the couch. She physically attacks me!!! and verbally insults me, calling me fat and saying nobody likes me. I had to threaten to call the police. Never an apology from her. A couple of weeks later, I take her out and spend $150 that night, and she puts me down later by saying I don't do enough for her. We fight and I send her home.

 

I call her the next day and tell her I love her, but not happy with how things have been. I say we should spend time apart to focus on the issues, go to therapy together and see if we can make it work. She cries and flips out on me. Refuses to go to therapy. I give it a week and still, no attempt on her part to fix this. Then, out of the blue, she calls me and breaks up with me, changes our FB status, and asks if she can hold onto the engagement ring for a year to figure out what she wants. I tell her no and say, if we are broken up, give me the ring back. She does.

 

We don't speak to each other for three weeks, even at work. Then she approaches me and tells me she misses me and wants to do therapy. We have three sessions, but honestly, she wasn't trying. Blaming everything on me and when the focus is on her, has excuses and shifts the blame to me. She's spending more time with these girlfriends and even going out drinking without telling me. I find out from seeing her Snapchat. I tell her something isn't right and she gets angry, calling me names, saying she can do what she wants to. So I tell her I'm done. She cries and begs me to give her a chance but I say not unless you're 100% in.

 

Two weeks go by and she starts uploading pictures to Facebook of her and some guy. They apparently met months ago and he asked her out but she told him she was engaged. I try to remain friendly with her at work. Some days she's nice to me, other days treats me awful. I can't take it anymore so I find a better job out of state.

 

When she finds out, she calls me dozens of times telling me she loves me. Shows up at my house. Asks me out to dinner. We start talking again and it appears to be working. Before I move, I give her the ring back.

 

I move and when I get there, she sends me this long message saying she's confused and doesn't know what she wants anymore. She says she wants to talk on the phone, but in a few days.

 

We talk on the phone and the conversation goes well.

 

Then, a mutual friend informs me she's still hanging out with the guy from the Facebook picture. Then I find out she's visited and stayed with him a few times. I call her up and demand answers and she tells me yes she's still hanging with him. I ask if she slept with him and she says yes. That's when I say it's over for good. To give the ring back. She refuses to give the ring back and then blocks me everywhere. I decide to deal with the ring situation another time.

 

A month later, she finds out I'm coming back to town. She calls dozens of times demanding to see me. I tell her no and request she give the ring to a mutual friend. Then she calls my mother to get her to convince me. Instead, my mother demands the ring back, meets with her to get it and then tells her not to contact me anymore -- all because of the game playing and confusing behavior.

 

Now, she's officially in a relationship with this FB guy, is telling everyone that I broke up with her, that I'm an alcoholic and is turning my friends/coworkers against me.

 

I have been no contact since reading breakup books. I'm still devastated. I know this will never work out, just don't understand what happened with her. Things were perfect for two years then just confusing.

 

Any thoughts?

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You are never going to see that ring again. It's a shame you gave it back to her.

 

You are well rid of her even at the cost of the ring.

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No I have the ring back. My mother got it from her. Sorry if the post was confusing.

 

then count yourself very lucky.

 

I would speak to HR because you can't have her petulant rants interfere with your job. If your employer gets wind of allegations that you are an alcoholic that could jeopardize your job.

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CautiouslyOptimistic
then count yourself very lucky.

 

I would speak to HR because you can't have her petulant rants interfere with your job. If your employer gets wind of allegations that you are an alcoholic that could jeopardize your job.

 

I agree. And document everything. If she's posting this crap on FB, screen shot it and save it. If she ends up costing you your job or something, sue her.

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I'm 32. She's 25. We worked together. We were together 2 years total.

 

Two months after getting engaged, we started fighting a lot. Usually it involved alcohol. She would flip out and then I would tell her to go home. She met a new group of girlfriends and started paying less attention to me. While on a vacation, she has too much to drink and I get annoyed, so I say I'm sleeping on the couch. She physically attacks me!!! and verbally insults me, calling me fat and saying nobody likes me. I had to threaten to call the police. Never an apology from her. A couple of weeks later, I take her out and spend $150 that night, and she puts me down later by saying I don't do enough for her. We fight and I send her home.

 

I call her the next day and tell her I love her, but not happy with how things have been. I say we should spend time apart to focus on the issues, go to therapy together and see if we can make it work. She cries and flips out on me. Refuses to go to therapy. I give it a week and still, no attempt on her part to fix this. Then, out of the blue, she calls me and breaks up with me, changes our FB status, and asks if she can hold onto the engagement ring for a year to figure out what she wants. I tell her no and say, if we are broken up, give me the ring back. She does.

 

We don't speak to each other for three weeks, even at work. Then she approaches me and tells me she misses me and wants to do therapy. We have three sessions, but honestly, she wasn't trying. Blaming everything on me and when the focus is on her, has excuses and shifts the blame to me. She's spending more time with these girlfriends and even going out drinking without telling me. I find out from seeing her Snapchat. I tell her something isn't right and she gets angry, calling me names, saying she can do what she wants to. So I tell her I'm done. She cries and begs me to give her a chance but I say not unless you're 100% in.

 

Two weeks go by and she starts uploading pictures to Facebook of her and some guy. They apparently met months ago and he asked her out but she told him she was engaged. I try to remain friendly with her at work. Some days she's nice to me, other days treats me awful. I can't take it anymore so I find a better job out of state.

 

When she finds out, she calls me dozens of times telling me she loves me. Shows up at my house. Asks me out to dinner. We start talking again and it appears to be working. Before I move, I give her the ring back.

 

I move and when I get there, she sends me this long message saying she's confused and doesn't know what she wants anymore. She says she wants to talk on the phone, but in a few days.

 

We talk on the phone and the conversation goes well.

 

Then, a mutual friend informs me she's still hanging out with the guy from the Facebook picture. Then I find out she's visited and stayed with him a few times. I call her up and demand answers and she tells me yes she's still hanging with him. I ask if she slept with him and she says yes. That's when I say it's over for good. To give the ring back. She refuses to give the ring back and then blocks me everywhere. I decide to deal with the ring situation another time.

 

A month later, she finds out I'm coming back to town. She calls dozens of times demanding to see me. I tell her no and request she give the ring to a mutual friend. Then she calls my mother to get her to convince me. Instead, my mother demands the ring back, meets with her to get it and then tells her not to contact me anymore -- all because of the game playing and confusing behavior.

 

Now, she's officially in a relationship with this FB guy, is telling everyone that I broke up with her, that I'm an alcoholic and is turning my friends/coworkers against me.

 

I have been no contact since reading breakup books. I'm still devastated. I know this will never work out, just don't understand what happened with her. Things were perfect for two years then just confusing.

 

Any thoughts?

 

Just focus on yourself now, exercise, work, socialize, eat well, get plenty of sleep, start dating again. Throw out all reminders of her. You'll forget her over time, you were together 2 years so it might take several months to get over her.

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Just focus on yourself now, exercise, work, socialize, eat well, get plenty of sleep, start dating again. Throw out all reminders of her. You'll forget her over time, you were together 2 years so it might take several months to get over her.

 

Exactly what I'm doing. Just don't understand what happened with her. The change. Guess it doesn't matter.

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I agree. And document everything. If she's posting this crap on FB, screen shot it and save it. If she ends up costing you your job or something, sue her.

 

She's cost me friendships. Had plenty of people delete me on social media including former colleagues.

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Exactly what I'm doing. Just don't understand what happened with her. The change. Guess it doesn't matter.

 

In short, she was cheating on you. Obviously, this other guy has been in the picture for a while.

 

Good riddance!

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I know you both played a part, but remember there are people out there who can't ever admit they did anything wrong.

 

You be the normal acting always polite and civil person at work.

Don't be seen trying to corner or talk to her, but always be seen smiling and nodding or saying hello as you pass her (and remember there may be cameras). Be the one who isn't ruffled at work and isn't causing a stink. Be the sane one.

 

If alcohol changes who you are, it will always mess with your life. I'm very proud of my best friend who has her 28th sober anniversary today.

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I know you both played a part, but remember there are people out there who can't ever admit they did anything wrong.

 

You be the normal acting always polite and civil person at work.

Don't be seen trying to corner or talk to her, but always be seen smiling and nodding or saying hello as you pass her (and remember there may be cameras). Be the one who isn't ruffled at work and isn't causing a stink. Be the sane one.

 

If alcohol changes who you are, it will always mess with your life. I'm very proud of my best friend who has her 28th sober anniversary today.

 

I have already moved out of state for another job within the same company.

 

I don't think alcohol is a problem for me. When it came up during therapy, she brushed it off and said it's not an issue. Now that I'm far away and she's with someone else, shes saying alcohol was the problem, that I mistreated her and that I'm the one who broke up with her.

 

So confusing.

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In short, she was cheating on you. Obviously, this other guy has been in the picture for a while.

 

Good riddance!

 

Sounds like they met each other two months before she broke up with me... though my family believes it was sooner. They noticed a change in her before then.

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She’s nuts and will say anything to make herself look good. You dodged a bullet, my friend.

 

Yeah. I figure she's doing all this to make me out to be the bad guy and keep her looking good.

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DrReplyInRhymes
Yeah. I figure she's doing all this to make me out to be the bad guy and keep her looking good.

 

She's justifying her poor behavior by making it seem like you are the reason,

She's putting on a show to explain why she let someone else put the keys in.

If she only has annoyances and reasons as to why she doesn't want it to work out,

Then you did the right thing by letting her go, who cares if she has a pout.

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