im so upset right now ***Updated***

[someguy89]

me and my gf got into a huge fight, i havent spoke to her since tuesday , ive text her apologizing and stuff but she is mad or hurt and wont reply, i miss my family so much right now i dont know if were over or anything, we never said those words but i just feel lost, i havent seen my baby and my older daughters either. i just feel depressed and empty. im not happy right now. im feeling suicidal but i know id never do it, ive already been through hell with one of my exes before and i cant go through that again, my head hurts and my heart aches.

 

my life was going so well too.

 

it doesnt even matter what she did, i always seem to be the bad guy. theres no winning, i guess its not even about winning. theres no safe path in my life. it feels like any decision i make has a ****ty ending. ugh id trade my soul for a second chance...

 

words of wisdom please

[Marc878]

It'll blow over one way or the other. These things happen. Relationships take two one person can't do it.

 

You'll be fine. Don't sweat it to much.

[Happy Lemming]

Well, you texted an apology; I'm curious as to why you didn't call and apologize??

 

I might try to call in a couple of days and see if she has "cooled down" a bit.

 

You are not the "bad guy", no two people are going to agree 100% of the time, you have to pick your battles and learn to compromise.

 

Just my two cents...

 

Best of luck.

[someguy89]

i didnt call because i know she wont answer. im at my moms house shes at our home. i know im not the bad guy but i feel like it. id do anything for my girl and getting into a big fight like that. i just feel like i failed my family and even though she started it, it doesnt matter. it was my job to not let it escalate but i did. thats why im so upset.

[Happy Lemming]

i didnt call because i know she wont answer. im at my moms house shes at our home. i know im not the bad guy but i feel like it. id do anything for my girl and getting into a big fight like that. i just feel like i failed my family and even though she started it, it doesnt matter. it was my job to not let it escalate but i did. thats why im so upset.

 

If you share a home, why can't you just go home??

 

I'm assuming you pay part of the bills, so it is your home, as well.

 

Don't act like a patsy, you don't have to be subservient to her. She started the argument, what are you supposed to do sit there like a bump on a log and take whatever is dished out at you??

 

Are you or are you not a man??

[someguy89]

If you share a home, why can't you just go home??

 

I'm assuming you pay part of the bills, so it is your home, as well.

 

Don't act like a patsy, you don't have to be subservient to her. She started the argument, what are you supposed to do sit there like a bump on a log and take whatever is dished out at you??

 

Are you or are you not a man??

 

well i cant go home because police were called thats why. i left that out of my story. they said that i couldnt stay there until things are sorted out. i also left out that my vehicle windshield got smashed. but none of that matters. all that matters is my spouses happiness and it sucks not realizing that until after its to late

[Happy Lemming]

well i cant go home because police were called thats why. i left that out of my story. they said that i couldnt stay there until things are sorted out. i also left out that my vehicle windshield got smashed. but none of that matters. all that matters is my spouses happiness and it sucks not realizing that until after its to late

 

Well, that changes everything... (police being called).

 

You may need to consult an attorney at some point. I don't know how "sorted out" is defined in legal terminology. How long do you think you should wait?? A week or so?? If she didn't return your call or text in a week or so, you can't just stay in limbo at your mother's home. You may have to force her hand and obtain some advice from an attorney. I would give it at least a week, under these circumstances.

 

Get a new windshield $250-$300?? I'm guessing.

 

Again, it takes two to tango. An argument is never one sided, this is NOT 100% your fault.

 

One a side note, I don't like the fact that the police were called. Was there physical violence or just arguing??

[someguy89]

Well, that changes everything... (police being called).

 

You may need to consult an attorney at some point. I don't know how "sorted out" is defined in legal terminology. How long do you think you should wait?? A week or so?? If she didn't return your call or text in a week or so, you can't just stay in limbo at your mother's home. You may have to force her hand and obtain some advice from an attorney. I would give it at least a week, under these circumstances.

 

Get a new windshield $250-$300?? I'm guessing.

 

Again, it takes two to tango. An argument is never one sided, this is NOT 100% your fault.

 

One a side note, I don't like the fact that the police were called. Was there physical violence or just arguing??

 

she was violent, but it was just arguing. the only reason why they were called is because we started arguing. i took away my vehicle keys that i let her use. she threatend to call the police if i did, so i did, she freaked out and through a wrench and a buncha stuff around the house and broke my window on my suv. the police came. of course me being the man i was told to leave. they mainly came because property was damaged. no charges yet.

[Happy Lemming]

she was violent, but it was just arguing. the only reason why they were called is because we started arguing. i took away my vehicle keys that i let her use. she threatend to call the police if i did, so i did, she freaked out and through a wrench and a buncha stuff around the house and broke my window on my suv. the police came. of course me being the man i was told to leave. they mainly came because property was damaged. no charges yet.

 

Yes, this looks like it is going to get messy.

 

Be very thankful that you don't have to contend with charges.

 

I think I would lay low for at least a week. Can you stay at your mother's house for a week??

 

After a week, try to call, if no response I think you are going to have to seek the advice of an attorney. I'm assuming you want some type of visitation with your children and you want to retrieve the balance of your belongings.

 

I don't have any personal experience dealing with a woman that has called the police, but a close friend of mine did. He told me, once his wife called the police once, she continued to do it for any stupid little thing. They eventually divorced.

 

I'm really sorry you are in this situation.

 

Stay strong and thank your mother for a roof over your head and her continued support.

[Simple Logic]

When windshields are getting smashed thinks have progressed well beyond the agreement stage.

[someguy89]

i still cant help but feel like this whole thing could have been avoided. so easily too. life hates me

[basil67]

What were you arguing over and why did you take the car keys away from her?

[someguy89]

it all started when my step daughter what giving me serious attitude, i ate a poptart in the cuboard and she was crying around n whining that it was hers that she bought with her own money, so i said, sorry i didnt know, then i said i dont complain when i buy you slurpees all the time, and when i said that, my gf got all defensive and quickly stepped in and started siding with my step kid. over poptarts. so we went for a walk around the block, i could tell that my gf was off. she started questing me about things, my finances n what not. then i asked her why she was always getting all offended when ever i say somthing to my step daughter. she exploded on me on the street and started saying rude stuff about my child. we each have children from previous relationships, she would say my kids way better than your kid and you and your kid are losers and it came out of no where, its like she doesnt want me to father her child even though she says she does. but she just always starts bashing my kid, anyways i took off and walked back home, she came back 10 mins later and followed me down stairs. and then the fight broke out.

 

very small thing turned into something huge

[basil67]

it all started when my step daughter what giving me serious attitude, i ate a poptart in the cuboard and she was crying around n whining that it was hers that she bought with her own money, so i said, sorry i didnt know, then i said i dont complain when i buy you slurpees all the time and when i said that, my gf got all defensive and quickly stepped in and started siding with my step kid.

 

I can see why your wife stepped in. The bolded part was really unnecessary. A simple apology on your part and promise to buy her another one would have been quite sufficient - but instead you escalated with a 'tit for tat' argument with a child.

 

she started questing me about things, my finances n what not. then i asked her why she was always getting all offended when ever i say somthing to my step daughter.

 

Why is she questioning your finances?

 

Asking her "why she was always getting all offended whenever I say something to my SD" was a further escalation on your part. Nobody is always anything. Nor is it true that whenever you say something to your SD she reacts. Using absolutes like these are going to further inflame the situation.

 

she exploded on me on the street and started saying rude stuff about my child. we each have children from previous relationships, she would say my kids way better than your kid and you and your kid are losers and it came out of no where

 

but she just always starts bashing my kid, anyways i took off and walked back home

 

Your kids are losers? Totally out of line. But it didn't come out of nowhere - you say further down that she is always bashing your kid. Again, the use of the word "always" is inaccurate, but are there issues between her and your kids?

 

but she just always starts bashing my kid, anyways i took off and walked back home she came back 10 mins later and followed me down stairs. and then the fight broke out. very small thing turned into something huge

 

So by this stage, you'd both lost control and were fighting unfairly and both pouring oil on the fire. I wouldn't mind betting that some horrible insults have been flung by both sides at this stage.

 

Now, the world doesn't hate you. But you do need to learn better communication. As does she. At this point, I would suggest you stay away for the time being and begin marriage counselling, with a big focus on learning how to fight fairly

[ExpatInItaly]

This relationship sounds very dysfunctional. I am guessing it's not the first time she's gotten violent, correct? And her child is around to witness this toxicity, I imagine?

 

You need a lawyer. This is not something that just a little chat and kiss is going to fix.

 

I would seriously re-evaluate returning to this mess. It's obvious there are some very big problems between you two.

[d0nnivain]

A texted apology isn't going to fix this. Once the police get involved it's better that things just end. If you were required to leave, every text message you send is a violation of the temporary restraining order. Stop reaching out to her.

 

You are the adult. It was unreasonable for you to tell the child you buy her slurpees as justification for eating her pop tarts. You should have just apologized & offered to replace the treats.

 

Where is your child now? Please tell me that your child is with your child's mom & not this horrible GF who calls a kid a loser.

 

Stop texting your STBX & call a lawyer before you dig this hole so deep you can't get out.

[preraph]

You screwed up. Unless she was drinking and that's why you took her keys away, it's abuse to stop someone from leaving.

[Happy Lemming]

it all started when my step daughter what giving me serious attitude, i ate a poptart in the cuboard and she was crying around n whining that it was hers that she bought with her own money, so i said, sorry i didnt know, then i said i dont complain when i buy you slurpees all the time, and when i said that, my gf got all defensive and quickly stepped in and started siding with my step kid. over poptarts. so we went for a walk around the block, i could tell that my gf was off. she started questing me about things, my finances n what not. then i asked her why she was always getting all offended when ever i say somthing to my step daughter. she exploded on me on the street and started saying rude stuff about my child. we each have children from previous relationships, she would say my kids way better than your kid and you and your kid are losers and it came out of no where, its like she doesnt want me to father her child even though she says she does. but she just always starts bashing my kid, anyways i took off and walked back home, she came back 10 mins later and followed me down stairs. and then the fight broke out.

 

To someguy89...

 

This fight isn't about "poptarts" or "slurpees". Its about you (the adult) getting dressed down by a child, her child. The child doesn't understand that rent & utilities & car payments & insurances all cost money that you were contributing to the household, but the mother does. The mother should have stepped in and told the child that she needs to respect adults/elders, and we will get more poptarts next time we go to the store. But the mother's child is gold and can do no wrong, whereas your children are "losers" - her words, not mine.

 

Of course you are offended, who wouldn't be... You shouldn't have to take crap like that from the child or the mother.

 

I want you to stop beating yourself up. Your girlfriend was probably looking for an out and escalated the child/poptart fight to get you removed from the household.

 

You were trying to make a blended family and it didn't work, again not something you should be beating yourself up about.

 

Just my two cents...

 

Hoping you are feeling better, today!

[someguy89]

Yes i know men do it too. Im just wanting a look from a womans perspective. I never done it myself either. So i dont know.

 

I feel like its winning or satisfaction of being chased or the chaser is in the wrong. It could also be anger or hurt . Asking towards women who have done this. Why ? What was going on in ur head. Did you miss him at all.

 

For the record my situation were not broken up. I love her i just am not sure what to do

[basil67]

Hi Someguy, I remember you from this thread.

https://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/658167-im-so-upset-right-now

 

Given the severity of your fight and the things said to each other, we're not talking garden variety "going off to cool down" here. It sounds like the two of you bring out terrible toxicity in each other and it wouldn't surprise me if she's taking time to rethink your future together.

[ExpatInItaly]

Yes i know men do it too. Im just wanting a look from a womans perspective. I never done it myself either. So i dont know.

 

I feel like its winning or satisfaction of being chased or the chaser is in the wrong. It could also be anger or hurt . Asking towards women who have done this. Why ? What was going on in ur head. Did you miss him at all.

 

For the record my situation were not broken up. I love her i just am not sure what to do

 

You're focused on all the wrong things here, OP.

 

Your relationship sounds like a train wreck that was waiting to happen. A ticking time bomb.

 

And anyway, why do you want a woman who calls your children losers?

[CantTakeMySmile]

Yes i know men do it too. Im just wanting a look from a womans perspective. I never done it myself either. So i dont know.

 

I feel like its winning or satisfaction of being chased or the chaser is in the wrong. It could also be anger or hurt . Asking towards women who have done this. Why ? What was going on in ur head. Did you miss him at all.

 

For the record my situation were not broken up. I love her i just am not sure what to do

 

 

 

When I stop communicating, there is no chance of going back. If I am still fighting with you, there MAY be a chance, but when I go quiet... forget about it.

[d0nnivain]

For the record my situation were not broken up. I love her i just am not sure what to do

 

Yes you are broken up! You no longer live together & a judge is about to enter an Order that says you have to stay away from her FOREVER. If you violate that order you will end up in jail. That is as broken up as you can get.

 

When you do now is hire a lawyer & move on with your life.