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Gave my heart to the wrong person..


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confusedfille

Hi everyone,

 

My story: I had only dated men until last year where I met a few women off Tinder. It was solely threesomes. In January I drunk swiped on a woman and we hit it off. I fell hard and fast. She made it clear she was in an open relationship that was “miserable and sexless” according to her. She gave me hope that she’d leave her for me. We’d see each other around 2-3 times a month which sucked. She always treated me so well and would give me money and buy me things without me asking. While this isn’t the reason I love her, it made me feel that it wasn’t just about sex. We both said “I love you”early on.

 

A few times, when I felt neglected and lonely, I’d get very drunk and say hurtful things. This week it happened again but I was sober. Yesterday she cut me off via text saying she could do this anymore because she knew she was hurting me and it wasn’t fair. I lost it. I was on the floor. Texting and calling, begging her not to do this. She kept saying she was in love with me but couldn’t leave her gf at this time.

 

Today she posts some stupid song lyrics on Instagram and I lost it again, but it gave me the courage to block her. I don’t wanna play that social media nonsense game.

 

Anyway, I feel a little better now and I remembered this site from 5 years ago when I was hurting as well.

 

I’ve wanted to drink so much since last night. I also acknowledged this week that I am an alcoholic and I need help. I am quite proud of myself for not (yet) seeking comfort in the vodka I love. It’s hard though and the weekend is coming and I live alone.

 

And please I know I was the “other woman” and I don’t need judgement. I truly believed what she told me about her gf knowing about me. I’m looking for people who are also hurting. We see the red flags and we ignore them because we are convinced they aren’t that bad..

 

Much love to everyone. If anyone wants to chat privately I’d like that.

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It sounds like to me that you are drawing the right lessons from this experience you had, so you could acknowledge the positives which are growing from this not-so-positive situation which has passed.

 

From what I gather from your story, this woman used you to meet her needs which she was not getting in her other relationship. She was taking advantage of you in that respect.

 

I wouldn't be so hard on you to judge you for being the "other woman." Remember, this woman mis-represented herself from the beginning by claiming she was in an open relationship. Maybe that's the truth, maybe not. You said you sensed other red flags, so clearly you can tell she wasn't being entirely honest about something. Only she knows what's the real truth, while you were fed perhaps some half-truths (ie, lies).

 

Either way, that woman had a responsibility to her relationship, and she is responsible for her happiness as well. That is on her, and not on you. It's unfortunate she dragged you into her drama, but as you know now, there are wolves in sheep's clothing in this world.

 

Another thing that should be pointed out is that "falling hard" for someone quickly only works in movies. In real life, it's problematic behavior.

 

How you handle yourself now is on you. You are aware that your drinking is a problem...and it seems your drinking is what got you involved w/this woman to begin with (with the drunk swipe on tinder). Addressing the drinking seems like a good place to start, in my humble opinion.

 

Edit: You are taking steps to address the drinking. This is very good.

Edited by magnesium
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