Fiance left after 8 years together needs to focus on self?

[Antome]

After 8 years my fiance left saying she needs time to get to know who she is and what she wants. All this was done over a text by the way while I was at work. I've done so much to try and keep her happy cooked all the time cleaned all the time worked 40 45 hours a week basically anything I could think of and she still left me like that. How am I suppose to move on when it she tells me she needs time but if I find someone else than go for it ? 8 years I'm not that guy to just give up like that what can I do ?

[basil67]

I'm sorry you're in this situation. You haven't given us much information, so forgive me if I ask some questions.

 

Was she happy in the relationship? Did the two of you have a great connection? Or was it full of "ups and downs" and other issues?

 

You've said that you work a solid job and do all the housework. Doing 40-45hpw is what one would expect of a partner. That's good. But you shouldn't be doing all the housework because this is treating her like a princess. (unless she's working 60hpw) If you treat a girl like a princess she will either get bored or she will become a princess. Neither option being good. Expecting both of you to pitch in and cook/clean is only fair.

 

Which leaves the rest of the relationship. There's so much more to a relationship than earning money and domestics. Did the two of you have a lot of fun together? Do interesting stuff? Look forward to each other coming home at night? What kind of things make her feel valued?

[PegNosePete]

Almost always when a woman says she needs to "get to know who she is", "what she wants" and the ever-popular "find herself", there is another man involved.

 

Sorry to say, she's done for good. No-one would tell their partner to go for it with someone else if they still had feelings or any intention of getting back together!

 

She is telling you to find someone else because that's what she's done. If you find someone else then she can simply say "well we both moved on, great" and feel no guilt for cheating on you.

 

She "needs time" because she doesn't want to move out of the house today. She wants to get herself set up first. That means building a lump sum of cash, finding somewhere else to live, telling friends and family etc. She wants you to wait patiently, play house and keep treating her like a princess while she gets ready to fly the nest.

[d0nnivain]

If you were together for 8 years as an adult this was just cruel. By text while you were at work, she's a coward. You deserve better.

 

If you were together for 8 years since HS, guess what . . . . her 1st job is overwhelming her & she's realizing that worked for her at 15 might not be how she wants to spend the rest of her life. Her method of telling you still stinks

 

Her statement that she needs time but you should go for it with someone else tells me she at least has her eye on someone else.

 

You need to take time to grieve, then purge all the stuff, then heal. Do cancel all wedding plans & get back as much of any deposits as you can

[Highndry]

After 8 years my fiance left saying

she needs time to get to know who she is and what she wants.

All this was done over a text by the way while I was at work. I've done so much to try and keep her happy cooked all the time cleaned all the time worked 40 45 hours a week basically anything I could think of and she still left me like that. How am I suppose to move on when it

she tells me she needs time but if I find someone else than go for it

? 8 years I'm not that guy to just give up like that what can I do ?

 

 

It's another man. She is done and you should immediately cease all contact.

[JDJ]

8 years and a text while you were at work? You need to drop her like a hot potato. There is another man for sure, but the text just might be worse!

 

You have all of the skills and income to live independently and attract a better class of woman. Just go for it and enjoy your freedom. She is never coming back, nor should you want her to, so just make a clean break.

 

Eight years and not married yet - also a giant red flag that this was never meant to be. Learn your lessons and pick someone who makes you happy, and who is happy to be around you, not someone you have to work constantly to please. It should come naturally.

 

A text!

[c.a.f.]

Jesus H man, a text... that should be enough of a reason to never give her another thought again.

 

She was likely bored with your life together. If you were cooking and cleaning and being mrs doubtfire for her, she was imagining this life as your future married life and she wasn't digging it. You didn't provide a lot of information about this, so this is just speculation on my part.

 

Also there's the fact that there is likely another man, or she wants to try other men. Sadly the mainstream culture nowadays is pushing for the destruction of the nuclear family, insisting that promiscuity is a virtue, and sex and intimacy are meaningless. Their view is that life is short so why not be nihilistic? Abortion is legal, and women are happy that they can have even more promiscuous, degenerate sex with whoever they want to. They can just get the accident sucked out of them and be on their way.

 

With the advent of Tinder and Threesome Tinder and whatever the hell else comes along, sex for a woman is literally at her fingertips anytime, anywhere. They know this. Why would they lock into something in their 20s when they can get railed by BBC until they hit 30, then finally settle down with a provider and start a family? Some of them are even convinced they don't ever want to get married and have kids, instead choosing to forever go from meaningless relationship to meaningless relationship. I mean, what's the point of a relationship if it isn't to develop something that will eventually lead to child-bearing?

 

This doesn't bode well for traditional guys who want nothing more than to provide for their family and come home from work to a caring, supportive wife. Sadly these values are being forced into the past, and the deterioration of any remaining meaningful relationship between the sexes will continue, perhaps to the destruction of us all.

[ExpatInItaly]

Tell us a little more about your relationship, OP.

 

How old are you both? How has your relationship been recently? Why were you doing all the cooking and cleaning - what was she doing?

 

The others are right, though. When someone tells you to find another woman, she is very much done with the relationship. Any woman who wanted a chance with you in the future would not utter those words.