What do you suggest I do next?

[Somethinglovely]

I’m going to pour my heart out into this thread.

 

Here’s my story.

 

I’m American and my ex was from Nepal. We meant in college and it was love at first sight. I was her first love, first sexual experience, first kiss and we got to a point where nothing mattered but us. We became each other best friend.

 

Now here comes issue. Her parents were really strict, she had curfew couldn’t talk to boys or bring anyone over. To make things short her parents found out about us and made her life a living hell. They manipulated her into breaking up with me every time they found out she was in contact with me. She got so used to breaking up with me that it became a routine. If I said anything to tick her off or we get in fight she would leave.

 

One night she was so stressed about how her parents were treating her she decided to drink in my apartment without my consent. Long story short she passed out, her parents kept calling but obviously she didn’t answer. Next thing I know, there are cops at the door looking for her, she wasn’t even missing. She just didn’t answer her parents calls for two hours.

 

Anyway, I got arrested and charged with furnishing alcohol to a minor. I had to quit school just to pay for a lawyer. I was so depressed and stressed and the fact that I had to be arrested because of something I wasn’t aware of wasn’t fair. But seeing as she was 20 and I was 25 they arrested me.

 

Anyway, this situation destroyed me mentally and I couldn’t function on a day to day basis. I had to move back home which is out of state and we kept our relationship on a long distance status. All we ever wanted to do was be together and literally everything was holding us back.

 

Anyway, we had amazing trips where we would meet up in New York, Colorado, Texas. Everything was working out then after the Colorado trip, her parents found out again that she went to see me. When she came back they kicked her out of the house and she was homeless. I felt terrible, because they’re wasn’t anything I could physically do being miles away.

 

We ending up finding a place for her to stay. After the the relationship was on and off she was so stressed and depressed at her situation that in started having impact on how she thought and viewed life. She had no energy, no passion, she just wanted to smoke and get high because that’s the only thing that gave her peace of mind.

 

Again, we got into an argument about something stupid and she broke up with me again. This time she cut all contact and I was devastated I ended up leaving my job, my school again, and I flew all the way to where she lived. I ended up meeting up with her and she was happy again. Happy that we were one happy that we were together. Everything was fine and I decided to go back home 3 weeks later after making sure she was okay. I ended up loosing my wallet on my way to airport and I had to return to her apartment and stay. She had to go to Nepal a week later and this had me scared. Because I knew if she left she would break up with me again. Her mind wasn’t clear and her parents were making her go to Nepal to visit family.

 

Anyway, I asked her to stay because I didn’t have my documents to leave. I had no id, no credit card nothing. She let me stay for about 2 weeks and I was simply waiting on my documents. Something happen while I was in the apartment, around 5am someone came to the window and was flashing a light inside to see who was in.( I believe it was her father but I’m not sure). I told her and she asked was it him? I said I don’t know and she said: she’s pretty sure it wasn’t him. So I left it alone.

 

A day later she says I need you to leave the apartment as soon as you get your things. I said ok no problem just give me some time. Her text started being pushy, I asked her what’s wrong and she said doesn’t know who she is and she’s not stable. I said it’s okay I’m here just stop hurting me.

 

She decides to immediately switch and tell me I don’t want you in my life. I need you to leave my apartment right now. I had to beg to stay because I didn’t have my documents , however she ended up kicking me out on street with nothing but clothes on my back. I had to find a homeless shelter to stay for two days until I received my documents.

 

She blocked me after that told me never to contact her.

 

I’m extremely confused and hurt. I have no idea what happen or what I did at that very moment. I’m not saying I’m prefect, and if there is an issue I usually tell her and we work things out. She gives me no leg room to understand what’s going on.

 

At this point you can imagine I’m crying, texting, calling a million times nothing. I head to homeless shelter just in pieces. Now I’m just trying to get back home. Guys, I’ve tried to receive an explanation that makes sense but she ends up just dismissing me. Once she’s in the “break up mode” she doesn’t care and doesn’t think twice.

 

Any help with this would be appreciated. I honestly love her with all my heart and we planned a future together. But she feels always stuck in middle between me and her parents. I don’t have the financial means to take care of her so she ends up just doing irratic and crazy things.

 

I want to go home and work really hard to try to get her out of the manipulative mentality of her parents, but she makes it seem like I’m crazy for coming and leaving everything. She says I’m not her problem anymore. Right now, she blocked all forms of communication with me. Idk what to do

Edited May 23, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
paragraphs ~T

[ExpatInItaly]

OP, you need to move from this. It's not going to work out, with her parents in such control of her life.

 

You can't do anything but work on getting your own life together again. She isn't the person for you.

[UpwardForward]

OP, you need to move from this. It's not going to work out, with her parents in such control of her life.

 

You can't do anything but work on getting your own life together again. She isn't the person for you.

 

I reiterate or second this.

 

You must have your own self together - before it will work with anyone else.

 

Perhaps in time you will be able to fill in the pieces and to know what has been going on with her. But trying to rescue her, and/or be dependent on the relationship (or her) for your happiness and fulfillment - just isn't working.

[FilterCoffee]

Hi OP,

 

Sorry to hear what you’re going through. I can understand your pain because I’ve been there twice but you have to let this girl go. Her parents are very conservative and they’ll never accept you. I know you love this girl and I’m sure she loves you too but don’t make her choose between you and her parents. That’s not what you intended but that’s just how it is. Maybe after some time when things have settled, she’ll come back to you. But in the mean time, save yourself from this drama and give her space.

[Somethinglovely]

Thank you all for the replies. I guess I’m hoping she will come back. I’m hoping she will apologize for what she did, but I don’t think I’ll get one.?

[ExpatInItaly]

Thank you all for the replies. I guess I’m hoping she will come back. I’m hoping she will apologize for what she did, but I don’t think I’ll get one.?

 

Even if she apologizes, that doesn't really change anything.

 

Her parents still don't want her with you, that isn't going to change, and she is under their thumb. You need to let go of the idea of settling down with her.

 

I understand you're very hurt. But sadly, you're at a dead end with this relationship.

[Somethinglovely]

Hi OP,

 

Sorry to hear what you’re going through. I can understand your pain because I’ve been there twice but you have to let this girl go. Her parents are very conservative and they’ll never accept you. I know you love this girl and I’m sure she loves you too but don’t make her choose between you and her parents. That’s not what you intended but that’s just how it is. Maybe after some time when things have settled, she’ll come back to you. But in the mean time, save yourself from this drama and give her space.

 

Is there anyway she will contact me down the line? For some reason my heart is telling me I need her and only her. However, how am I suppose to reconcile if they're are no open doors for communication. It's like each day gets harder and harder. I'm about to break!

[Somethinglovely]

Hello guys,

 

I posted my story before, and as you all may know. I'm going crazy and the only think that's helping is writing these threads. My ex-girlfriend has a tendency of breaking up with me for any little thing and this time I think it's truly over because she's deleted me and blocked me from everything. She also kicked me out of her apartment without even a 2 hour notice. Guys I love this girl and I know she is going through a lot with her life and family.

 

There are times where we have fights where she has every reason, to get upset. However, this doesn't warrant a break-up every time. Even though she kicked me out and broke-up up with simply something I said that ticked her off. I believe I said, I'm kind of upset that I'm here for you and you don't want to spend at least a day before a go back home. Then she started flipping out, calling me needy, telling me I don't appreciate anything and then kicking me out. I legit came all the way from up north to visit her. I stayed with her because she offered and I ended up loosing my wallet so I had no choice. She just kicked me to curb without any of my documents and blocked me.

 

I'm conflicted because I know she over reacts when she going through a lot of stress and does irrational things. They're are months she doesnt talk to me for 3 months no contact. Each time I have reach out regardless if it wasn't my fault. It's been 5 days since I last herd from her and I'm caving in. I want to send her an email, but I part of me know she won't respond to it. I just want to know the truth from her. I can wholeheartdly say that I didn't do anything for her to hurt me this way. Do you guys think it's a good idea if I contact her? I'm an old fashion, I really don't want to "move on" because I want an opportunity to actually have a normal relationship without her parents or her life problems be involved. She says stuff like: she doesn't know who she is, and is mentally unstable and doesn't want me in her life. Then she flips and says , but my heart will always belong to you. I just wish she would sit down and tell me, what I can do to help her instead of always pushing me away. I've been so patient with her and all she does is push me away if something bad happens.

 

Is there anything I can do in hopes of reconciliation? Do you think she will come back? I'm just afraid because I'm the one who always has to reach out for things to work, I just want her to realize that I am important as well

Edited May 25, 2018 by Somethinglovely

[Lotsgoingon]

I feel your pain brother.

 

What I don't feel is why you so strongly want to stay with person who creates a ton of turbulence and chaos in your life.

 

Is your definition of a good relationship something of turbulence?

 

She is right to say you're needy ... because you don't seem to be able to let her go no matter how badly she treats you. That is the definition of neediness.

 

Look, it can be hard at times to really realize we do not have to be with this person ... But you got plenty of evidence of the cost of being with this person.

 

You might just have to cave and go back and get burnt again ... perhaps several more times ... before you can happily and confidently call it quits ... If so, that's fine ... Some lessons we genuinely do have to learn the hard way. But in the meantime, I encourage you to explore the question of why you think life has to be miserable? Why do you think you have to put up with this level of conflict and craziness?

 

Any chance you grew up in a family full of conflict?

[Somethinglovely]

I feel your pain brother.

 

What I don't feel is why you so strongly want to stay with person who creates a ton of turbulence and chaos in your life.

 

Is your definition of a good relationship something of turbulence?

 

She is right to say you're needy ... because you don't seem to be able to let her go no matter how badly she treats you. That is the definition of neediness.

 

Look, it can be hard at times to really realize we do not have to be with this person ... But you got plenty of evidence of the cost of being with this person.

 

You might just have to cave and go back and get burnt again ... perhaps several more times ... before you can happily and confidently call it quits ... If so, that's fine ... Some lessons we genuinely do have to learn the hard way. But in the meantime, I encourage you to explore the question of why you think life has to be miserable? Why do you think you have to put up with this level of conflict and craziness?

 

Any chance you grew up in a family full of conflict?

 

 

I believe you’re shockingly right. My family life has been complete chaos and I turned to her for everything. So I’m a sense, became very needy. I feel like I showed her everything and shared so much, I just want her to realize that much” yet she seems so cold and distant as if I committed a crime. I want to text her so badly, but something is holding me back. I know it’s the fact that I know she won’t respond. I can’t bare that. It would crush me.

[gone_girl]

I've done this but he had cheated on me and I just couldn't trust him. Did you break her trust? If not, then she's obviously not well. If she doesn't accept help there's not much you can do.

[d0nnivain]

Get a plate out of your cabinet. Smash it on the ground. Now glue it back together & take a long hard look at it. Is it the same as it was before you broke it? Of course not. It's weaker. It's uglier. It's not as functional.

 

 

That plate is your relationship. Every time she breaks up with you she is smashing your relationship on the ground. Every time you get back together you are trying to fix the broken plate. At some point there aren't enough pieces to glue back together.

 

She is immature & has no conflict resolution skills. You cannot sustain a long term loving relationship with a person like that. Stop trying.

[Somethinglovely]

I've done this but he had cheated on me and I just couldn't trust him. Did you break her trust? If not, then she's obviously not well. If she doesn't accept help there's not much you can do.

 

I have been 100% honest and faithful. I'm not sure if she just got tired of the long distance routine. I miss her everyday. I'm so close to writing but I want her to reach out for once. I'm not sure she ever will.

[gone_girl]

I have been 100% honest and faithful. I'm not sure if she just got tired of the long distance routine. I miss her everyday. I'm so close to writing but I want her to reach out for once. I'm not sure she ever will.

 

I know you miss her.r I can imagine.. But this is just how it is and it probably won't change. She chooses breaking up over staying, and I'm quite sure that you dont deserve this hot and cold shower each time.

[basil67]

What went down before this breakup? It's really hard to judge without knowing if the trigger was a serious deal breaker or something trivial.

[Somethinglovely]

Well, before the break-up I came to visit her before she left to Nepal. I ended up leaving to go home a few days before she left for her trip, however when I got to airport, I notice my wallet was missing. I couldn’t fly that day and I also didn’t have any of my credit cards or cash. So I asked if I can stay at her place for a bit until I get my documents mailed over to me. She agreed, she let me stay, but as always she kept it from her parents. One night while I was sleeping I woke up to a flashlight beeming at the blinds. I didn’t get up to see who it was , but I’m pretty sure it was one of her family members checking if she’s letting anyone stay in apartment. The next day, her attitude changes with me. She explains that she needs me to leave as soon as I get my documents. I tell her okay no problem. I think where I went wrong is I kept asking her, what’s wrong. How can I help. I kept pushing her to tell me what’s the matter. Then she snapped at me and said I have to leave right there and then. I begged and I pleaded that I have no where to go and she once again said it was okay. I ended up shutting my phone because I seriously felt afraid that she was going to kick me out on street with nothing. Next thing I know, I get kicked out by members of the apartment complex. Then she blocks me on all social media. I have a feeling it’s her parents making her do such things. However, despite that. I do think it was wrong for her to do that to me. She literally snap on me because I wanted to know what was wrong and wanted to see her before I left.

[BaileyB]

My friend, you really need to let this go. It is very unhealthy.

 

You need to ask yourself, why are you clinging to a realtionship that is so full of conflict and obviously unhealthy for you...

[UpwardForward]

Are her parents taking care of her financially? If so, this is could be the reason she listens to them.

 

Also, If you are continuing to try to contact her, this could be a turn-off for her.

 

I would think the only way to know if she will at some point contact or return to you, is if you do what she asks - in not contacting her .. and to go about your life.

[Tearknee]

OP you have been on a roller coaster ride and sadly it is not going to end until you end it completely with her and if she appears back into your life just let it be. This hectic life isn't going to change with her with her parents being in so much control of her and she also seems a bit destructive herself because of that stress.

[Somethinglovely]

Are her parents taking care of her financially? If so, this is could be the reason she listens to them.

 

Also, If you are continuing to try to contact her, this could be a turn-off for her.

 

I would think the only way to know if she will at some point contact or return to you, is if you do what she asks - in not contacting her .. and to go about your life.

 

I believe your absolutely correct. My issue is I just don’t see how she could just kick me out like that knowing that I relied on her. Not even a notice to leave and try to get my things just leave. No explanation other than, I don’t want to help you. So it’s just hurtful ya know.

[Somethinglovely]

OP you have been on a roller coaster ride and sadly it is not going to end until you end it completely with her and if she appears back into your life just let it be. This hectic life isn't going to change with her with her parents being in so much control of her and she also seems a bit destructive herself because of that stress.

 

I’m trying to refrain from contacting her, this is day 6 but it’s been destroying who I am.

[Somethinglovely]

Hello guys,

 

I’m having a really rough time with no contact. I made it through week one, but I desperately want to here back from my ex. My mind is legitimately poisend with this person and I can’t do day to day activities. I afraid I’m mentally unstable now and I’ve become just afraid of the world itself. I feel like I’ve lost it all. I feel empty and lifeless. I trusted her so much to not put me through this now I’m still waiting for her call, waiting for her text even though she blocked me. I’ve gone mad, looking for the truth. Looking for answers, I’m so close to texting her I’m scared. Guys, I gave up on everything, she was literally all that mattered to me. She was my only friend, and we literally shared everything.

 

Now, I’m legit just staring at the wall waiting for anything to happen. Worse part is something is bugging me, Somthing is fishy, it just doesn’t seem right that after I told her that I saw strange flashlight at her apartment window, she completely kicked me out of the apartment the next morning. I literally begged her not to do this as I didn’t have any of my documents. I was solely relying on her until I received my driver license and credit cards because I lost them on my way to the airport. I believe the flash light that was flashed at the window while I was staying there was her father. I didn’t get look outside fast enough and they were gone. Next morning ex-gf texting I need you out as soon as you get your things. I said: “ okay np I’ll leave as soon ask I get my stuff “ and she responds : I’m serious. Then I say : “ I understand, but baby what’s wrong ? I just want to see you one last time before I go back home”

Then she responds: it’s best if you get your stuff and leave.

At this point I’m confused: so I tell her look I came here for you to see you, I understand you have moral responsibilities and and obligations to family but we have a future and family to think of too.

 

Then she responds: I need you to leave immediately, and which I reply to : you just said I could stay, then she says: no I changed my mind get out now I’m calling the office. The office shows up at the apartment asks me to leave, ( note I don’t have family, money, credit card, or license Inwas truly homeless) I go and I sleep in a student housing lobby for a few days. She ended up blocking me from all social media accounts accept Facebook ( because we aren’t friends on Facebook) I just want to know the truth in the past every break up we had , was facilitated by her parents one way or another. I feel like her parents influenced her, and just seemed she snapped because I was trying figure out why she doesn’t want to spend time with me before I go? That simple question that seems si harmless caused a chain reaction which lead to this break-up. I’m not saying I’m perfect because I’ve hurt her emotional but I’ve also never left her side. I’ve been faithful, loving, and caring despite my anxiety and depression at times. I wasn’t perfect like I said, but I tried to be for her. She brought out the best in me always. She’s was my wife to be guys and you have no idea as a man how hard it is not to cry. I fight it at least 8 times a day.

[Somethinglovely]

What does it mean if a girl says : she doesn’t want to be in a relationship because she’s unsure of her self? She says her heart belongs to me but she doesn’t want to be responsible for a relationship? Does she want to date other people? I’ve been her only boyfriend I’m legit going insane.

[Romantic_Antics]

Saying she's unsure of herself could mean that she's insecure or thinks there's something about her that could make her a bad girlfriend or make you fall out of love with her. The fact that she said her heart belongs to you is a good sign so rather than asking us what she means, ask her instead. Get her to open up and talk about it and be a supportive and understanding listener.

[Somethinglovely]

Saying she's unsure of herself could mean that she's insecure or thinks there's something about her that could make her a bad girlfriend or make you fall out of love with her. The fact that she said her heart belongs to you is a good sign so rather than asking us what she means, ask her instead. Get her to open up and talk about it and be a supportive and understanding listener.

 

Well, that’s why I’m confused. When I try to ask her what’s wrong, she pushes me away. I never get the truth of why she completely abandons me and blocks me . I understand I did text a bunch and act a bit crazy, how could I not? She was kicking me out and I had no clue what sparked it. I wish I could just text her but she said those things, but then asks me to never contact her again. It’s like she made me an enemy and I don’t understand why.