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Mixed feelings after break up


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Hi :)

 

First, I want to apologize for my bad English.

Me and my ex GF broke up 4 days ago and I'm a lil bit confused. It's kind of long story so be prepared...

She's 24 and I'm 26 - both medical students but from different towns (at least the university is in the town of mine).

 

We met us for first time in a train during November 2016. We're both medical students. I heard her and her best friend (also a girl) talking about medical disciplines and teachers at my university so I joined the conversation. At this time I used to be in another relationship so I just found her in facebook and sent her request (in a friendly way) and did nothing else. I saw that she also was in relationship. 5-6 months later I broke up with my current GF. Weeks later I noticed that she was liking almost each photo, song or post I posted. I opened her facebook profile and noticed that she was single. So I took the decision to start writing her. She started answering me with short texts and every time I was the person who was starting the conversations. One day I offered her to go on a friendly date and she did accept. It was pretty nice - we talked a lot, walked in the park and she even noticed that I was still coughing because of the bronchitis from which I was still recovering and she told me that either should I take care of myself or she would do it :)

 

I accompanied her to the university's dorm and she offered me just a handshake but instead I hugged her and she was happy with it. Later I sent her a message to know that it was a pleasure to spend my time with her and I hope that we're going to have another date. She accepted and told me that she has had good time too.

 

I continued texting first but one day I took the decision to stop, aiming to see if and when she was going to text me first. Days later I guessed that she wasn't interested but there was a surprise - a message from her. We started writing everyday about our exams and wishing luck each other + wanting to text each other after the exam has already finished. I even sent her pdf textbooks to help her with her preparement. During the exam session she was living in her town and coming here the day before the next exam and travelling back home right after the exam. One day she hinted the question if I want to be with her. I have already had some disappointments in my life so I asked her in directly way if I've understood her question. She agreed and we started our relationship by texting with the expectation of her next exam and next visit here. The day came and we were obviously really happy together. Again we talked a lot, walked, kissed & etc. Later she went back to the dorm to prepare herself of the coming exam because she gets really nervous and anxious before each one of them. We talked on the phone and I was calming her, telling her that everything will be fine, that she can phone me even during the night if she wants & etc. She took the exam and came to my home where we kissed, hugged, listened music, laughed together and she even told her parents that she was here (they have already known of her having new BF - me).

 

She told me that she was going to spend the afternoon with me but she would sleep in the dorm and I was ok with it. The next day I accompanied her to the train station and she went back home. We started immediately chatting, talking on the phone and we both missed each other. 10 days later after her last exam she had to take her summer practices at the hospital and I offered her to start living together. She was really happy but some kind anxious about it. She has already told me that she's inexperienced about relationships because her longest one was 6 months with a guy who lives in a different town (which means that they weren't even dating everyday). Few days later we started taking showers together and even making pranks of each other. 2 weeks later I went abroad where my father is living and spent there a month and a half. We continued texting, skyping, sending photos. She was really caring because she waited me everyday to come home from work and chatting with me til 2-3-4h AM at the night. A week before my arival she told me that she will come to take me from the airport and she has found a place to stay during the night. That was so kind and heartmelting so I told myself: this is my Woman (with uppercase "W"!)

 

We started living together again and being really happy. 2 weeks after my arrival she invited me to visit her parents together and I got really excited. During this time she had a birthday and I was the first who congratulated her and gave her my gift at 00:00h

The first negative thing I noticed was that she started getting angry of her parents for not calling her to congratulate. It was 00:15 when she called the and yelled them. I tried to convince her to stop, that I'm here for her and I even gave her example with my parents who would call me 10-12h AM but it didn't matter. At this point I knew that this would happen to me too. Nevermind... I met her parents - her mother was really talkative but the father seemed sort of silent and grumpy but I didn't hurry up with my conclusions. The next evening we went to a restaurant with her family where we danced on different ballads. At one moment the mother offered to make an exchange - my GF to dance with her father and the mother - with me. During the dance she told me that my GF was her father's little daughter or princess, I don't really remember and that her father gets a lil bit jealous. I looked it from the funny point and didn't think it's something too serious. On the way back her home me, her and her mother took a taxi cab and her mother insited that I should sit next to the driver and she will sit with me GF on the backseat. I felt it like some kind of a barrier but still didn't want to hurry up with my conclusions. On the next day we got back in my town and I told her that I've felt that her parents didn't like me. She got angry and told me that they have behaved really well with me and I have no right to say such things. I believed her but kept it in my mind that I could be right.

 

10 days later me, her and a couple who are my friends went on a walk when she told me that we have to talk at home. When we got home, she told me that she's leaving because she can't put up with not having keys for my home and waiting me to be there or to meet us somewhere to go back together. The other thing was that I haven't prepared her a place in the wardrobe for her clothes. To be honest, I was planning to make keys for her but she outrunned me with her decision to leave me. I was devastated and the same evening I drived to the dorm where she used to live, called her and told her that the fault is mine and that I was going to make her keys for my home. I also accepted my fault for the wardrobe because I didn't really want to be neglectful towards her. The next day I made her keys and gave them her. She didn't want to accept them but I insisted so in the end she accpeted. She wanted to continue living in the dorm to overthink the things. I agreed and told her that she's welcome in my house and I'll wait the day when she'll use her keys to come back home. After 2 days my grandmother she was visiting me in my home hen my mother called me to tell that my grandmother was really sick. I told my GF that I have to go there and she told me that she's with me. We drove my grandma to the hospital (due erysipelas) and my GF stood with me all the time until my grandma was discharged with antibiotics perscription. Then we went back home and she stayed for a sleep over.

 

After 2-3 days it was my birthday. She gave me her present - a surgical cap and a notebook in which she has written how much she loves me and that she will never leave me. It was so kind that I ended up in tears in my eyes. On the next day after my birthday I insisted to come back living with me and that her leaving was a big step back for our relationship. She started crying and explaining me that we're too different and cannot be together anymore. I was devastated and started crying too. When she saw me, she hugged me, kissed me and told me that she was insecure about my feelings to her but now she sees that I really love her and she will not leave me.

 

Few days later she calmed down and got back here. I prepared her a place in the wardrobe and told her that if she wants to be with me, she just has to speak about her problems and needs instead of leaving. She insisted that I should have guessed those things so I continued apologizing.

 

1 month later, on the same date of the month, we had another minor problem when she was angry that I wasn't able to speak on the phone with her (she was with her family) right on the moment because I've ordered a chinese food for home and in the same moment while I was talking with her, the food has arrived and I have had to take it. I tried to explain that I'll call her back in less than a 5 minutes but she got angry telling me: will we even talk this evening? I tried to call her with no answer, texted her - again with no answer and on the next day she said that she has seen my attempts but she didn't want to reply because she has been angry on me. I told her that I have always been there for her and never ignored her needs and messages even when I was angry and that I've felt disrespected. However, the things calmed down. We used to have our minor problems but the things still seemed really good. I even wrote her a verse poem about relationship - from the first time we met in the train til the day when I dedicated it to her without mentioning the problems. I gave her a rose for 1 year since we met for first time.

 

2 weeks later (during the first days of December) I helped her for her first of the next exams again. I was still telling her that she'll pass it, wiping her tears. Days before the exam she wanted to go with her to a shop to buy a gift for her parents' anniversary. I'm this kind of man that doesn't want to visit each shop on my way but I've thought that she has already taken the decision where we were going. Instead of it we started visiting every shop she was seeing and I got a lil bit nervous. She noticed it and got angry and insisted to go home. I tried to convince her to continue the shopping because we already were at the town's mall, showing her different possibilities for a gift. She was still agry and didn't want to buy anything and wanted to go back home. On the way she was really grumpy so I told her that she already has keys for there and she could have told me that she wants to visit a lot of shops so I could have had the possibility to decline and let her go alone. She got even angrier but later she calmed down.

 

During the evening and the night before her exam I continued supporting and helping her because I've already passed the same exam before 1 year. On the next day while she was going to the hospital for her exam I told her to call me after he exam has already finished and to tell me what has happened (usually we both phone each other immediately after our exams). Hours later I saw a photo of her and her co-eds in a coffee bar which ment that the exam has already finished but there was no call. I felt neglected and used as a helper and then thrown away. A hour later after I saw the photo she called me. I told her that I was waiting of her phone call to tell me if everything was OK and that I've seen the photo which made me feel a lil bit miserable. She got angry again. A hour later she called me again to tell me that she's already home (I was with 2 friends of mine) so I immediately left to see her.

 

When I came home, she was still angry and started threatening me that we have a problem which could be easily solved by a break up. At this moment I got angry too and told her that if she thinks that's the soluton, she could do it. When she started packing her clothes and stuff, I tried to stop her but she continued doing it. I told her at least to take the rose that I gave her as a sign of my love to her when she told me that she was insecure about my feelings again. She gave me back the keys and left my home. I felt so miserable when I saw the rose left in my house... So I took the decision to get rid of all the gifts she has made for me.

 

I noticed that there was a shirt of her in the washing machine and texted her. The next day she came home to take it back but instead of just giving it, I invited her to come in the house. I gave her the shirt and told her that I will go with her to the waste containers on the street. I've already packed her gifts in an intransparent plastic bag with the same rose which I on porpose positioned in a way that its flower was standing out of the bag and could be seen. When I was ready to throw the bag in the container, she didn't tell anything (sort of: hey, what're you doing with my rose? Give it me back!) So her gifts were thrown together with the same rose that she didn't take with her. We both cried, kissed, hugged. She told me that she love me and would like to be together but that's not a good idea and it wouldn't finish well.

 

Then she suddenly told me: I have a secret from you. It's something bad but could be changed. But I won't tell you anything because if someone has told me the same thing about me, I wouldn't be happy. We continued kissing, hugging, crying and it was obvious that she didn't really want to go. But she did.

 

The next day we unexpectedly met few times at the hospital where we're studying medicine. She cried again, kissing, hugging and telling me how much does she love me but couldn't be with me anymore. Hours later she called me on my phone to tell me that she doesn't want to make such a drama scenes in the hospital and if I did ever want to talk with her, she'll agree but in a neutral place. We hadn't much to say but no one of us did want to end the call. The same evening I took the decision to make one more attempt so I went to the dorm. I phoned her and told her that I'm there. She came immediately in my car. Again - hugs, kisses, tears and telling each other how much do we love each other. She asked me why did I so easily let her go? (WTF) I told her that she's my family and I really do love her and that I came her to take her back homer where her place is. She accepted so she took her stuff from the dorm and we went back home. I noticed that she wasn't in a good mood but I concluded that it was because of our prior conversation.

 

The next morning she was still upset and didn't want to talk much. I tried to ask her what's happening and that I will support and help her, no matter of the reasons. When I calmly asked about her secret, she remained silent. Calmly again, I asked her if it's about her, her friends, family & etc. I asked her if it's about someone else. The only answer I was recieving was: stop asking, I won't tell you!

 

I tried to explain her that we aren't kids and she should tell me about it so we could solve our problems. She continued declining. Then I got angry and told her that I've trusted her, that I've given her access to my house and my entire life and although she still has secrets from me. I told her that she was behaving like a kid - telling me that she has a secret but not telling me what exactly it was. Then I asked her that if she's not ready to tell me about the secret, it would be better to go back to the dorm. She froze and remained silent for about 10 seconds when she suddenly took the decision to leave again, telling me that she did know that the things will not get better and that I have no patience. And she left.

 

I was really hurt but missed her a lot so I continued trying to text her, wishing her luck before every exam and telling her how much I did love her but she didn't respond to no one of my messages. I was feeling sick and miserable every single day. 3 weeks later it was Christmas when I sent her a message, wishing her all the best for Christmas but it seems that there are no Christmas miracles. A minute later my phone rang and it was her. I answered and I was told to stop calling her and that there's no reason to do it anymore. She wished me all the best back and asked me to leave her. So I stopped texting and calling her. At least I knew that I've tried everything.

 

2 weeks later it was my name day and I was already feeling better and better (but still missed her as hell) when during the evening - BOOM -a viber message from her! She sent me a photo of both of us as a background of poem which she wrote about us - that I was her first real love. It made my eyes wet but I suddenly started expiriencing mixed feelings - love and anger. I really loved her but was angry that she was the one who has told me to stop texting and calling her and now she's talking me about our relationship and love. Then she called me on my phone and I asked her, what exactly did she want from me? She answered that she only wanted to congratulate me about my name day and to write a poem for me because of the one which I wrote for her 2 months prior. Then she told me that I was the one who banished her from my home and that the fault was mine. She has told the same lie to her parents too. I was firm and told her that I couldn't be with someone who is telling me that has secrets from me. And then she told me her secret - her parents didn't like me which I've already known. I told her that it's stupid and that I knew it. Her answer was that she didn't know how would I accept it. I told her that I had a relationship with her and not with her parents but she told me that her parents' opinion is important to her and she couldn't be with someone who they disapprove.

 

She asked me if I wanted to meet us for one last time and speak in private. I accepted. The next day we met us and immediately started kissing and hugging with tears in our eyes. I told her that to me it's more important if she does love me and not her parents' opinion. She promised me to try to change their minds and we reunited. She invited me for a sleep over in the dorm. When I came there she was obviously happy - tears of happiness and she was constantly attached to me. We were the happiest people in the world. Because of the exams period she was half of the week in my town and the other half - with her parents who didn't know that we were together. During the exams period every night and every day we were together in my house or her room in the dorm, promising each other never ever to separate anymore. I continued helping her for every exam and calming her the night before.

 

I was kinda offended during the time she was in her town because I couldn't phone her when I want because her parents still didn't know the truth. She didn't accept my facebook friend request because they could see me there. I know that FB is a sh*t but still felt miserable, like I'm a bad person or a criminal instead of the supportive person next to her. But I was trying to convince myself that it's for our own good.

 

One day I told her: everyone can approve or disapprove me. It's his own right. But why did your parents disapprove me? She explained that they didn't like that we were kissing in front of them and my clothes as well. The most ridiculous thing was that they didn't like my socks when I met them for first time - the weather has been too warm for wearing thick socks. I started laughing but she was still serious because her parents' opinion, as I said, is important to her. Then she told me: wear whatever you want, just be mine.

 

Every time she was with her family, I felt disrespected because of her keeping me in secret from them. I was always helping her for her exams, English classes (she was studying for her A2 level so it was easy even for me), driving her here and there, preparing meals and little surprises & etc. I didn't make all those things to impress her parents but I realized that if she really did want to change their opinion, she could just tell them about all my nice gestures to her.

 

A month and a half later she told her mother about us and she was OK with it. But she also told me that her father is this kind of person who has too rigid mind and can't easily change his opinion about someone or something. I felt better and told myself that if the mother is ok, the father would accept it easier.

 

In the beginning of March we started living together again. I'm good at cooking but I really suck at cleaning my house but she's the opposite. So I offered to her to be a team and every one of us would learn, how to be better in the deed in which he/she isn't good enough. I started using the vacuum cleaner and the mop more often than before, preparing the laundries and all the home chores at which I wasn't good enough. But I didn't see the same effort in the opposite side.

 

A week later after we started living together, she went back to visit her family. I felt again neglected because we couldn't spend even a weekend together, staying late in the bed, relaxing & etc. When she called me, she told me that her mother was sick - she was suffering of a minor but unusual uterus bleeding and she will be diagnosed and treated in my town because of the better hospitals and possibilities. I told her to ask her mother to stay in our house during her treatment if it's necessary so she would have to pay for nothing and they would be together (my GF and her mom). When the mother was told my offer, she has immediately told her husband about it, aiming to defend me and her daughter's relationship. The next week I was invited to visit her family due her mother's birthday. At first I was really happy but then felt mixed feelings - I was happy for an obvious reason but didn't know if it's a good idea because I was told that her father didn't like me, didn't like her ex BF and doesn't like her son's (my GF's brother) fiance as well.

 

2 days before our visit, my GF started remembering me all the conditions:

- to buy new clothes

- to iron them (I'm not this kind of a man who irons his clothes but she has also never asked where the f*cking iron is)

- to buy new shoes

- to use a bag instead of backpack

- not to use my phone during the dinner (the previous time, 6 months prior this visit, I was constantly on my phone because we were a lot of people which I didn't know and they were speaking each other family things and I had nothing to do. I know it's my bad so I accept it as a constructive criticism)

 

- to keep my wallet in her bag instead of my pocket because it makes it look too thick

- not to kiss her in front of her parents and on public places

- she wanted to check my bag to see if everything is fine

- I had not to cross my arms before my chest. To be honest, I'm suffering of chronic epicondylitis of the both elbows and that's the way to give my arms a rest. And she knows it.

 

I felt bad for all of those conditions in our "unconditional" love... But however we departed. Her father was waiting of us on the train station and I had to behave myself like as if I had no f*cking idea that he disapproves me. OK, still thinking that it was for the good of our relationship. During the first evening there, I was constantly feeling anxious if I'm doing everything right and if my clothes look good enough to impress the dad. He went to work and my GF talked with her mom for a minute and then told me that everything passed well.

 

The next day we went on a walk and came back for dinner with her family, to celebrate her mom's birthday. I was aware to behave my self as I was told but at one moment my elbows started burning and hurting as hell. However, I didn't cross them, aiming to make a good impression this time and doind all the things my GF wanted. Her father has almost not spoken with me. Only with his son about cars and car engines. Yeah, I have a driving license but I'm not interested in such kind of topics. The father had his arms corssed before his chest and at one moment, he turned himself towards his son, leaving me behind his back.

 

When we went to her bedroom, I was angry, desperated and devastated because of my pain - the physical one and the heartache caused by all the conditions which the father, himself, didn't keep towards me. She saw me unhappy and I explained her how I've felt myself during the dinner. She got angry and told me that her father is in his own home and could do whatever he wanted. My happiness was ruined. The most exact way I was feeling could be explained by extinguishing a candle's fire with wet fingers. My happiness was extinguished the same way.

 

The next day we went back home where I was still feeling unhappy and she was seeing it. I tried to convince myself that it was due her parents' fault, not hers. But then I realized that she was inlove with someone else. Not a real person, may be, but rather trying to change me into the perfect person for her. She didn't love the person I was. So I wrote a poem in which I say that she doesn't love the person I am but rather someone else in whom she's trying to transform me like a clay figure and if she couldn't love me with my flaws, it would be better to let me go with my dignity.

 

Her mother's medical results came and it was clear - a pre-cancer state. So I took the decision not to give her the poem and instead to keep supporting her and her family. She had again to visit them and again I offered that her mother could stay with us. She told me that she wasn't sure that I could clean the house good enough for her mother and if she sees "the mess", she would ask her, why is she still living with me. I promised to give my best at cleaning during her visit in her town but she was sill firm. I told her that I'm giving them my help and if someone who's in such a need would investigate my house, the same person doesn't deserve to be helped. She realized that she was too insolent and offered to come back before her mother's visit in my town, aiming to help me in the cleaning.

 

It was during the Easter weekend. We talked on the phone about her prom and she got some kind of angry and nervous because we didn't speak about it in private but on the phone. She also told me that she'll come back in Monday instead of Sunday as she promised a first. When I calmly asked her why has she changed her decision, she got angry and told me that she isn't obligated to give me explanations and she has the freedom to do whatevery she wants.

 

So I sent her my poem and she called me back even angrier, threatening me that if I'm feeling this way, she would leave me. I told her that the solution isn't the separation but to think about her words and behavior to me. She didn't want to hear even a word and started threatening me that I'll see what's going to happen on Monday and not to bother her during the Easter holiday. On Easter I was with 2 friend of mine (a couple) at the girl's village with her family. I didn't call my GF and neither did she call me too. Me and my friends uploaded in facebook a photo together. 20-30 minutes later my GF called me again angry and started to threaten me again. I told her that Monday will come, no matter of what's happening and yeah - I'll see. I asked her why did she even call me. Obviously, she was expecting me to be devastated and to stay home, crying like a b*tch but I was happy with my friend. At on moment she got sort of upset and told me: don't to even realize why do I call you? I just wanted to hear your voice and to know that you're fine. Don't I have the right to call you?

I tried again my best to keep calm and to soothen the situation but she was still angry. The next day she came back home and we had a fight. She started again threatening me that she could easily solve our problem by leaving me. Again I told her that the break up is no solution.

 

Days later she started work as a cashier and promised me to give me some money for the fuel and to buy me clothes without purpose. Every evening I was driving her back home from her work, no matter how tired I was.

 

Week later we were celebrating 10 months together so I made her a surprise - I ordered a pizza, bought number-shaped candles, prepared my audio system and gave my best to make her happy with a romantic dinner at home. She was amazed and I thought that it was a good idea to make her feel special so she will do the same for me.

 

Despite of all, she started coming home (I was driving her, I mean) tired and irritated, asking me why have I forgotten to do or not to do something. Every day was different story - my shoes weren't on their place or I've forgotten a shirt on the bed or I've interrupted her while she has been speaking to me, or I've forgotten to give her a hand while she's climbing the stairs, or I've forgotten to keep the door open for her, or if I've kept it - why I'm on her way & etc. And she was blind to all the good things I was doing for her - home chores (usually we do them together but some days I was doing them on my own because I knew that she's combining studying + work), meals, driving back home & etc

Every time when I told her that I have enough of her mumbling, I was recieving the same answer: we could easily solve the problem by a break up.

 

A day before her prom we went to the mall and she bought me trousers which was a nice gesture because I'm a last year medical student, I don't work and don't have my personal incomes.

 

The next day she had a task again in the same mall so I had to leave my car on a small street behind it. When we finished her tasks and got back to the car, there was a policeman who asked me about my driving license and told me that I've parked in a part of a crossroad and he has already called on the road police to come. My GF had an appointment for a hairdresser so I told her to go and not to waste her time and that it wouldn't matter if she's here or not because I'm the driver and the fault is mine. I was polite with the policemen and they just warned me not to park this way anymore and left me go with no penalties. I thanked them, gave them handshakes and left.

 

Later I drove her to the dorm where she was going to wait of her family so her mother could help her with the makeup and I got back home. I bought her a rose, dressed myself and went to the university where the prom started. I gave her the rose, congratulated her and her family and the photo session started. At one moment the mother wanted a photo of me, my GF and her - together. Minutes later my GF and her co-eds went into the uni to have a group photo on the stairs. When she came down the stairs, she said me in ironic way "thank you for the help". I've forgotten to give her a hand... She started being rude with me and I wanted to leave the prom. However, my friends (the same couple) motivated me to stay and I calmed down.

 

Her father drove us to the restaurant and was considering to leave his car on the street. Despite of his hidden disapprovement to me, I told him that it's not a good idea because it's forbidden there and he could have problems for doing it.

 

During our stay in the restaurant she was constantly trying to send me to the friendly couple while she was taking photos here and there (ok, it's a prom). I was still grumpy for her behavior on the stairs and her unwillingness to spend my time with her and instead insisting that I should go to talk with my friends. However, I went to them and they saw that I wasn't in a good mood. They asked me what else has happened and I explained them shortly her behavior. Then I got back to her and she asked me if I was complaining to them. I denied but she said that she was watching me and was reading me word by my lips. Then she asked me why I'm still grumpy and I told her that I'm exhausted due the policemen-related problem from the same day and now her behavior towards me. I also told her that if she wants to see me happy, she should do something to make me smile. She started joking, hugging and kissing me and I calmed down. Minutes later she told me: I'm going to dance so sit here and have a meal.

I asked her what if I wanted to dance too or she just doesn't want to dance with me. She told me that she didn't expect me to dance but it's ok so we danced together and it was pretty nice.

While we were walking in the restaurant, I pushed her purse unawares while I was trying to hold her hand and she scolded me for being careless. Later the same evening the was turning around when she hit an inflamed finger on my right hand. I kept calm and just said to be more careful because she has hit my finger and it hurts. She told me that it's my fault for being careless and not watching my hand...

Hours later we had to go back home so she could change her shoes and clothes before going to a club with her co-eds. When we got home, she didn't notice the prepared laundry on the clothes line but instead - the bed with 2 shirts of mine on it. She has already forgotten that I've driven her to the mall, where I almost got fined, trying to save her time. She didn't neither mention that I've driven her to the dorm, nor the rose, nor the laundry on the clothes line but those shirts I've forgotten while I was in a hurry for her needs.

We went back to the restaurant at which entrance were my friends but I went upstairs with her where she started talking with a friend (a girl) of her. So I went back downstairs to my friends. At one moment I saw her friend leaving with her boyfriend and recieved a message from my GF, asking me where I am. I told her that I'm at the entrance with my friends and she replied "Fine".

Minutes later I saw that the crowd is starting to enter the club so I went back upstairs to find my GF and tell her that we should go too. When I found her, he got angry again, accusing me of leaving her alone. When we got on the row to pay for our tickets for the club she passed before me and there was some kind of "lag" while I was waiting for my ticket. I saw her entering the club and I shouted (because the crowd was too noisy) to wait for me. She got angry again and started yelling that she isn't a dog to be shouted this way. Then she entered the club with her best friend (a girl) and her boyfriend. I felt miserable and unsure if I should follow them so I froze on the stairs leading to the club. A moment after, her best friend shouted: there he is!

My GF came back and asked me why am I not coming. I just told her that I was waiting for the moment when she'll notice my abscence. She got angry again.

The club was too noisy, too much smoke, the music wasn't good so we just found a place to sit and I hugged her. She hugged me back and we kissed each other. I invited her to dance but she declined because she was already too tired so we just kept sitting. Some time later we left the club. I told her that I didn't really like it. Her response was: why did you even come then?

When I asked her if she has liked the club, she told me that she would just leave me with no comment.

The next morning I was still mentally tired of her behavior and she told me that she's going back her town for the weekend, leaving me 2 days to reconsider if I want to "solve our problems". I told her that she should do the same thing and she left. The same evening I called her on the phone and she was with her family, celebrating her prom with them at their home. She was nice and kind as how she should be during most of the time in a normal relationship. The next day she came back home and acted pretty nice and caring. I was happy. Even 2 days laters I made a cake for no reason - just to have a good time with her. But every evening, when I was driving her back home, there was something that was irritating her - my shoes' insoles have came out, I've forgotten this or that & other little things that were annoying her constantly. I told her to stop mumbling. She answered that she has no problem with me but I have a problem with her "which could be easily solved".

 

By the time I started working in a private clinic as a surgeon. Although I kept trying my best to give her as much time as I can and to clean the house instead of her because her next exams were coming again. I kept driving her back home and I gave her all the pdf textbooks I have.

 

On 17. of May she called me during her pause at work. We talked about this and that but I asked or tld her something (not important) and she started accusing me of interrupting her. I apologized and she continued with her subject. She asked me if I'm going to take her with the car and I agreed as usual. During the drive back home she told me that I've interrupted her again and got grumpy. When we got back home I tried to make her laugh but she was still angry and told me that I can't expect her to smile after I've interrupted her 2 times.

 

Then I thought that enough is enough. I asked her what's she doing with such a bad person like me. I told her that I've enough of her mumbling. She again threatened me to leave me alone and to "solve our problem". So I pointed her the door and told her: the choice is yours.

 

Obviously she wasn't expecting such an answer so she started crying but continued putting her clothes in the washing machine. Then she went in one of the bedrooms where we usually prepare ourselves of the exams. I followed her and despite of all tried to hug her. She started yelling to leave her alone but I declined and she started even being rude and telling me that "I'm not normal". Then she told me that she has already taken the decision to leave me the next day because it already was too late (22h). I got even angrier and told her that she couldn't leave me when she wants and that I insist to do it right now because I've enough of her threats. She started crying even more and preparing her stuff. For last time I tried to explain her that a separation is no solution and I just wanted her to stop scolding me every f*cking day for no reason. She started accusing me of showing her the door and that she has been hoping that the things would calm down during the night and we would stay together. Then I told her how offended I've felt during past few months because of her and her parents' behavior and words. I also told her that my family also did disapprove her (it's true) not due her socks, clothes or kisses but due her behavior towards me.

I also told her that if she has left me right now, she should forget about me forever. And she told me: so what?

I answered: yeah, now I see how important I'm to you and how much you do love me...

She tried accusing me of killing her feelings for me and told me never ever to try to contact her. I promised to let her do whatever she wants and she left.

 

It's already a week and I almost don't miss her. There's a huge difference between the way I've been feeling during our relationship's hiatus in December and right now. I'm not depressed and I'm feeling pretty well. All the people around me who knew about our relationshup issues were telling me to leave her earlier but I waited until the decision was mine. But I can't understand such a person who is constantly threatening me that she would leave me and when I pointed her the door, she started crying. I also have to mention that this is her longest relationship - almost a year. Your opinion? :)

Edited by ItIsNotMe
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ExpatInItaly

OP, that was very long-winded. You might want to provide a TL;DR version for folks who don't have the time or patience to go through all of the details.

 

In any case, you need to be done with her forever. And then you need to ask yourself what on earth attracted you to such an emotionally-stunted, immature girl. The number of times you wrote "she got angry" is indicative of the overall tone of this relationship. She is angry, intolerant and rude.

 

It's over and you should be very, very happy about that. But you have some work to do on yourself, so that you never allow anyone else to wipe their feet on you like this again.

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By the way, the same evening when we broke up, at first she blocked me on facebook but hours later she did unblock me. She had already changed her relationship status to single but all the photos of us were still there. Today I saw one facebook photo collage of us missing - she has removed it. And she had also untagged herself from all the photos what I've uploaded. I deleted all of them and then blocked her too.

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salparadise

7,769 words. 22 instances of angry. I read maybe a tenth.

 

But I can't understand such a person who is constantly threatening me that she would leave me and when I pointed her the door, she started crying.

 

Based on what you've said, she's a terribly immature, spoiled child who believed that she was entitled to treat you like dirt under her feet. Her disposition is so narcissistic that she believed the threat of leaving was the ultimate trump card that could be used an unlimited number of times to control you. It worked well a long time, just not indefinitely.

 

It sounds like there could be cross-generational social dysfunction of some kind. What culture and socioeconomic class are we talking about?

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We had our great memories too. She has done a lot of nice gestures to me too. I was stuck with the idea that those relationships issues are transitional and that each relationship has its ups and downs and if I'm patiet enough, we'll stick wih each other and we'll be fine together. We're both from Bulgarian but she's half Turkish (her mother belongs to the so-called Bulgarian Turkish people - born in Bulgaria but with Turkish ancestors who came in our country ages ago during the Ottoman slavery 1396-1878). Turky could be a modern country but a lot of the so called Bulgarian Turkish people are with old-fashioned way of thinking:

 

- the parents should choose the husband of their daughter

- boys/men are free to do whatever they want without being interfered

 

By the time of our relationship I've realized that her brother (6 years older than her) was alway set on first place. During my second and last visit to her family, she showed me her notebook with poems that she has written years ago. In one of them she has mentioned that she has never recieved the parents' love she deserved and how nobody was understanding her feelings. I also realized that my ex-GF was sort of feminazi because she would every time find her father guilty for her family fights and she would accuse him for a lot of things, mostly for being rigid and interfering with her choices while putting her mother on pedestal. She has often been compared to her brother and she was jealous with his freedom and being kinda prefered by their parents. She also mentioned a lot of times that she wants to have a son and no daughter. I started thinking that she was spoiled by her parents and needs some kind of vengance by threating her boyfriend/husband bad because she was always too dependent on her parents, especially the father and she wants to take her piece of cake in her relationship/marriage because she didn't have it in her family.

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ExpatInItaly

No, these were not "transitional" relationship problems.

 

She is not mature enough for an adult relationship. The good times pale in comparison to the consistent mistreatment throughout your short time together.

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It really does sound like you will be better off without her. She gave you just enough sweetness to make you feel it was all working ok again and then she'd hurt you again. These pull/push behaviours can be very confusing. You keep trying to get the good girl back but then she shows the other side. It is likely to carry on that way for as long as you can bear it. I am sorry but she is not the girl you want her to be.

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By the way, a friend of mine (in her course at the Medical university) asked me for a textbook. I noticed it was missing and I think that I've given it to her (my ex GF). Today was the exam and I thought that she would return me my textbook personally or by the same common friend but she didn't. I'm still hesitating about asking her if she has it or I've lost it somewhere else but I don't think it's a good idea. Should I continue NC or ask her about my textbook?

 

Edit: found it :D

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Today should be our 1st anniversary if we were still together. I was visiting my mother and opened my ex GF's facebook profile by my mother's and read a sad love quote, written 4 days ago (2 days after 1 month of break up and NC). I'm almost healed but I still miss our good memories, sometimes. I wish she hadn't behaved this way and we would have spent this day together, celebrating our anniversary but sh*t happens...

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Sorry to be frank, but that gal was crazy! I really hope she gets some help with whatever issues she has one day as she will continue to struggle with relationships until she does. She sounds like she needed control and for things to be only on her terms, which is not a relationship, it's slavery.

Be thankful it didn't work out as she'd continue messing you up for years and years if you let her.

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Yesterday I was hesitating if I should text her something due our "anniversary" but now I'm proud of myself that I had enough power don't to do it ^_^

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ExpatInItaly
Yesterday I was hesitating if I should text her something due our "anniversary" but now I'm proud of myself that I had enough power don't to do it ^_^

 

Good for you, OP.

 

You need to continue drawing on that power and not go back for more drama that won't net any positive results.

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ExpatInItaly
Today I saw her, 100-150m away walking with a new boy, holding their hands together...

 

I know that's hard to see. But perhaps you needed to see it, in some way, to understand that this is really over between you two and you need to begin your healing now.

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I started healing myself the same evening we broke up because it was on my term. But since I knew I was her longest relationship and she has never lived with any of her prior BF-s and since I saw her depressive status, I hoped that she has somehow realized her awful behavior to me and she would try to make a change...

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ExpatInItaly
I started healing myself the same evening we broke up because it was on my term. But since I knew I was her longest relationship and she has never lived with any of her prior BF-s and since I saw her depressive status, I hoped that she has somehow realized her awful behavior to me and she would try to make a change...

 

That was very unlikely to happen. She demonstrates zero insight into her behaviour and thus won't change.

 

Good riddance to her and her new boyfriend. Be glad she is not your headache anymore.

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Yesterday I opened her FB profile by a fake one to see if she has changed her relationship status and she had done it - since 11th of June - less than a month after our break up she ha begun a new relationship with a guy with whom she had 2 dates during our break up in December. They have met 2 times during our break up (I know this from her) but she has realized that she hasn't been ready to be with anyone else and he told her to try to contact me (she showed me their conversation at FB when we reunited in January) if she loves me this much. This happened 2 weeks after our first break up. And now - 3 weeks after our second - BOOM - again with him but now she has been ready and they're official...

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ExpatInItaly

What does this new information do for you, OP?

 

Other than confirming she has moved on, you gain nothing by checking her social media now. Let this be your closure so you can let go.

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