Limited contact or no contact?

[enchanted771]

My boyfriend lived with me almost 2 years, but we just couldn’t agree on things and he was showing some narcissistic tendencies I couldn’t deal with. He didn’t want to end things but after a really bad fight, I just couldn’t handle it anymore. He said he would move out and just be single (he always said that but it was always just talk) I ended up breaking up in March, he moved out 30 days later. I just couldn’t stand how he would blame everything on me and had to have his way. I felt unappreciated so I felt it was for the best for him to be on his own. He ended up renting a room somewhere. I went strict no contact. He ended up calling me once a week because he had left some things. So we set up a time and he came over. In a weak moment, we ended up sleeping together and he stayed over. He went to work straight from my house in the morning, so the heavy things he couldn’t take. He has called me once a week to try and coordinate so next Saturday he will retrieve his things. I was trying to go strict no contact so I could heal, and I had a lot of anger I didn’t deal with. However, I’m considering limited (sporadic) contact for now.

 

Thoughts??

[Zahara]

https://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/627040-having-post-breakup-anxiety

 

Is this the same guy?

 

If it is the same guy -- collect every piece of item belonging to him. Make sure he picks all of his belongings on Saturday so there's no more excuse to keep making contact.

 

Then shut the door and go complete NC.

[d0nnivain]

You can't go fully NC until you undo the living arrangements, return the stuff, pay the final bills, get people off leases etc. However the contact should be limited to addressing those subjects.

 

Have somebody else present when he comes to get his stuff so you don't fall back into bed with him.

[enchanted771]

https://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/627040-having-post-breakup-anxiety

 

Is this the same guy?

 

If it is the same guy -- collect every piece of item belonging to him. Make sure he picks all of his belongings on Saturday so there's no more excuse to keep making contact.

 

Then shut the door and go complete NC.

yes, it’s the same person.

[enchanted771]

You can't go fully NC until you undo the living arrangements, return the stuff, pay the final bills, get people off leases etc. However the contact should be limited to addressing those subjects.

 

Have somebody else present when he comes to get his stuff so you don't fall back into bed with him.

only thing to address is him picking up the last couple of things.

[Zahara]

yes, it’s the same person.

 

You should go back and read your past threads. Remind yourself of why this man was not right for you. You noted he tore at your self-esteem.

 

There's no question you should remain NC. Nothing has changed. You slept with him and your brain is clouded -- conclude your dealings with him as soon as possible and move on from him.

[enchanted771]

You should go back and read your past threads. Remind yourself of why this man was not right for you. You noted he tore at your self-esteem.

 

There's no question you should remain NC. Nothing has changed. You slept with him and your brain is clouded -- conclude your dealings with him as soon as possible and move on from him.

absolutely...it was a bad decision.

[Zahara]

absolutely...it was a bad decision.

 

I'm guessing he is going to keep playing games with you in terms of his belongings. You have to take the lead and cut the cord as soon as you can.

[enchanted771]

I'm guessing he is going to keep playing games with you in terms of his belongings. You have to take the lead and cut the cord as soon as you can.

supposedly he is getting someone with a vehicle now. If he doesn’t pick it up this weekend I’m going to stop answering his calls.

[ItsJustMyOpinion]

If you truly want to move on from this guy, put his **** in a box outside your door and tell him where the box is. Then block his number and go about your day. If it's important, he'll come and get it.

[GoreSP]

If you truly want to move on from this guy, put his **** in a box outside your door and tell him where the box is. Then block his number and go about your day. If it's important, he'll come and get it.

 

So much of this. Narcissists will stop at nothing to get your attention back. Your only weapon is to ignore and move forward.

[BC1980]

Limited contact is a terrible idea. It's basically bargaining to keep them in your life someway because you can't let go. As for his things, give him a time limit to come get them. Otherwise, drop them off where he lives or throw them out unless it's something really valuable. Tell him you are throwing the stuff out on X day, and, if he cares, he will come get it.

[lifeofapirate]

My boyfriend lived with me almost 2 years, but we just couldn’t agree on things and he was showing some narcissistic tendencies I couldn’t deal with. He didn’t want to end things but after a really bad fight, I just couldn’t handle it anymore. He said he would move out and just be single (he always said that but it was always just talk) I ended up breaking up in March, he moved out 30 days later. I just couldn’t stand how he would blame everything on me and had to have his way. I felt unappreciated so I felt it was for the best for him to be on his own. He ended up renting a room somewhere. I went strict no contact. He ended up calling me once a week because he had left some things. So we set up a time and he came over. In a weak moment, we ended up sleeping together and he stayed over. He went to work straight from my house in the morning, so the heavy things he couldn’t take. He has called me once a week to try and coordinate so next Saturday he will retrieve his things. I was trying to go strict no contact so I could heal, and I had a lot of anger I didn’t deal with. However, I’m considering limited (sporadic) contact for now.

 

Thoughts??

 

I definitely say no contact.