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what I did I do wrong?


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Hello,

I met a guy on Match in December, hit off really well immediately, lots of chemistry--felt like known him forever. He's actually small world in same group f friends as a friend of a friend. He asked me to be exclusive on second date. My father died at end of January, he was helpful with that as he lost his father as well. In March, he got very upset with me after I said I didnt know when he wanted to split bill, which normally I didnt mind but that night he caught me off guard. We worked through it through communication and got back to the place we were. Last couple of dates he wasn't as flirty but we still had chemistry but before that went to a mets game had amazing time and sexual chemistry. Last night before we were supposed to see each other he texted me "It really hurts me to say that I don't think we have the same chemistry that we had in the beginning or even a few months ago. I do care very, very much about you and don't want to hurt you. I really want to stay friends as there is not a better person in the world." Said he still likes me, still cares and is still attracted to me but just doesn't feel the chemistry or butterflies anymore. In person we spoke and told him I'm going to move on and meet someone else and go back to dating apps, he was holding back tears and upset when I said these things. He has shown insecurity traits as well previously. My question is that did I do anything wrong? Was I not interesting enough, too open, too nice? For future relationships. He wants to be friends and help me move this summer.

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I'm sure you didn't do anything wrong. Sometimes relationships just end with no logical reason.

 

Be wary of promises of friendship. Post break up isn't true friendship where you talk & rely on each other. It's more of a lack of drama when you bump into each other. Have a back up plan for your move.

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Chemistry usually will wane after the new wears off. There has to be enough commonality and basic compatibility to keep things going after that. Not everyone is cut out for it. Maybe he really is looking for "the one" and just didn't feel you were it, through no fault of your own. I don't know how many women he's dated, but the more you date, the more your perspective changes on what you want in a mate.

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  • 2 weeks later...
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The update is that a friend of mine who is also in same group of friends as him, told me that his friend took screen shot of his twitter post that he deleted, saying he was single back in March. We did no contact, I was good, but then he reached out making conversation. He continues to say nice things such as how great I am, that he was thinking about me the other night, I have a heart of gold, that I'm a strong and great person and believes in me very much, cares about me, and that hes still hurt by our breakup. I confronted him about the twitter post, he explained was angry about how I said i dont know to splitting the bill. Now we are back into no contact again. Does it sound like he will try to get back with me? I hope not.

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You didn't do anything wrong. He likes you.

Everyone has different preferences. You may not be the perfect woman for him, but you might be for the next guy. Be your best self while dating, but don't hold back. Don't be afraid to push back if they say or do something you don't like. Some people just want to marry someone like their mom or they have some other ideal in their head about who is a "right" woman for them. It's all subjective, and no two people are alike.

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BluesPower

You know, who really cares...

 

The thing is, you know, he broke up, don't chase him.

 

And let's just talk about how weird the dinner thing was, it was just stupid.

 

That was your first red flag. This guys has issues, he has had issues, and you did not want to look at them because you really liked him.

 

Don't do that, have some respect. Trust me, there are guys out there without as many issues that are better than him...

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salparadise
Does it sound like he regrets his decision or might want to still see me again?

 

He dithers, is emotionally immature, insecure, doesn’t know what he wants. He’s incapable of intimacy, has high walls, and uses indecisiveness as a defense against engulfment. He also wants to keep you on the string, knowing he could have you. Your best move is to move on. He’s just not relationship material at this point. Date people who are capable of going all in when the right opportunity presents. Men, not boys.

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Hi OP,

 

I don't know if you made mistakes or not but I do know that after being with you, he came to a conclusion he didn't want to be with you. So the fact that he's still here being sweet on you without committment and proposing a typical post-breakup friendship tells me he's full of it.

 

If he wanted to be with you, he'd be with you. Simple.

 

If he's not with you, he'll end up with someone else. He will fall in love. That someone else will tie up his time and make him stop talking to you which he will because you had history with him. He'll oblige because she's his everything and then you'll be history. That's friendship with an ex.

 

It's a way to keep you around to boost the ego, keep you as a backup, ween themselves off of you because cutting you out immediately is too hard etc. The list of self serving reasons go on.

 

Do yourself well and turn that page.

 

- Beach

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bathtub-row

There's no reason on Earth to continue any kind of contact with this guy. First of all, any man who gets irritated about a conversation about splitting the check is a man who isn't going to value or cherish you. Now, I know a lot of people are going to chime in and refute that but that's my observation about men like this. I think this behavior of his is him trying to teach you a lesson about that. Secondly, he broke up with you. That's all you need to know. He's either wishy-washy about you, doesn't know what he wants, or is playing games. Any one of those things makes him undesirable, if you ask me.

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Does it sound like he regrets his decision or might want to still see me again?

 

Not to me, it doesn't. He isn't mad at you. He wants you to know there's no ill feelings, but if he'd wanted to get back together, he'd have said that. A lot of people say "friends" when it's over trying to ease the person's hurt.

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He keeps on initiating contact with me every 3 days and stalking my instagram, liking something from more than a year ago. I have a date on Wednesday with another guy.

I'm moved onto the anger feelings towards him, reminding myself of all the negative things about him.

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CautiouslyOptimistic
He keeps on initiating contact with me every 3 days and stalking my instagram, liking something from more than a year ago. I have a date on Wednesday with another guy.

I'm moved onto the anger feelings towards him, reminding myself of all the negative things about him.

 

Maybe just block him?

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I can't we share same group of friends. I did tell him could be friends though so guess can't blame him.

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