Can't see the point anymore

[elaine_s]

Hey, I'm new to this so be gentle. My boyfriend dumped me after 4 years, no real reason given other than he doesn't see a future with me. We had all these plans just half a year ago - of getting married, buying a place of our own, going on holidays etc. And now it's all suddenly gone. It's been about 4 months since the break up and I'm really not doing well. I'm 30 years old, back to living in a bloody house share with people I don't know, can never afford buying a place on my own, family live abroad. I genuinely don't know what to do with myself. I tried going out, being busy, and it does provide some relief at the time, but on my own I just feel broken.

 

I know everyone says time helps and you will love etc, but I just can't see it happening. This man was truly the greatest love of my life so far. Not sure if anyone has any other thoughts to share but it would be good to see how others have coped with any situation like this. It just seems hopeless at the moment and I'm just tired of even trying. Can't see a way out if I'm honest, this is pure torture. I'm not going to kill myself if anyone wonders, my family would be devastated, but if I could swap places with someone who is dying and doesn't want to, I would happily swap places.

Edited May 19, 2018 by elaine_s

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I'm so sorry for how you are feeling . 4 years is a long time, and 4 months isn't. Give time time. Be kind to yourself <3.

[elaine_s]

I'm so sorry for how you are feeling . 4 years is a long time, and 4 months isn't. Give time time. Be kind to yourself <3.

 

To be honest, treating myself is the only thing that helps. Problem is, there's only so much I can do right now given the circumstances. This totally sucks, because I was always this happy go lucky, independent kind of person who never needed anyone. And now this person is gone and I have no clue how to get it all back...

[preraph]

It's only been 4 months. It just takes time. But you're doing the right thing continuing to try to distract yourself being social and planning things to stay busy. It's the best road out. It's a shame you wasted 4 years on this guy and then he bailed, but it happens. Two things about feeling someone wasted your time. One is in time, you will be able to look back dispassionately and enjoy some of the memories when things were good. Two is don't let him waste any more of your best years by letting yourself dwell on him to the exclusion of living life. Keep living life and these months of mourning will not be such a waste. Good luck.

[d0nnivain]

It's not hopeless but you are still in the acute phase of pain & can't see past that. If your family is all abroad you probably feel like you have limited support here.

 

The trick is to keep yourself busy. You mention money & finances. With all the time you have on your hands, now would be a good time to address your financial situation. It's good that you have shared housing. It keeps the expenses down.

 

First task: make a budget. See what you have coming in & going out.

 

2. Set some long & short term goals. Start saving for retirement, a house & a short vacation in that order.

 

3. See what if anything you can cut. That daily latte & eating out for lunch every day are costly. Learn to cook for yourself & meal plan.

 

4. Think about getting a better paying job or a part time job. Remember you are new single & sad with time on your hands. Even if you pick up 20 hours per week working minimum wage at fast food that is 20 hours you won't be able to wallow & money you can bank for your future.

 

Now as your short term goal, figure out how much it will cost for you to fly home for the holidays so you have something to look forward at the end of the year. It will help you survive your 1st set of holidays without him. Being surrounded by family should lift your spirts. You have 7 months to save . . .well maybe a little less because holiday tickets are cheaper if you can buy them before Labor Day.