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Full of Uncertainty


Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

 
 
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Old 19th May 2018, 9:30 AM   #1
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Full of Uncertainty

My bf and I were together for 9 months. For the most part, the relationship was great. He lives an hour and a half away and at first he spent a lot of time here with me. Then, he got a new job and , understandably, that took priority over me at times. He started working out of state a lot, but when he was back he made sure to come see me. When he had his children, he would come to my house with them. I even gave one of his daughters a birthday party.

We talked and text every day, all day. We talked about the future and planned on living together.

After his last business trip, he did not make it to see me. He said he had to clean his apartment and had errands to do but would come over as soon as he was done. His replies were slow and as it started to get late, and finally I realized he wasn't going to come over. And I just had an odd feeling and something told me to check out the dating site we met on.

I made a fake account and let it sit. A few days later, he viewed my fake account and I was devastated.

I confronted him about it and he flat out denied that he was on the site. I showed him screenshots of his updated account (pics and new job) and he tried to imply that it was a fake account. I told him if he wasnt happy with me then he just needed to be honest. He said he was happy with me and only wanted me, but, hes not ready to live together. This was news to me but I didnt want to get off the topic of the dating site. He kept avoiding it so I finally told him to be honest with me or leave me alone so I could let go and move on and I said please don't disrespect me again by saying that isnt you on that dating site. He said he would leave me alone and he hasn't said anything else to me. That was 5 days ago.

I'm in shock and disbelief. I dont know what to think, but I do know that its killing me that he isn't talking to me.

I know I asked him to leave me alone, but obviously I was upset. I have since text and told him that's not what I really wanted.

So, my question to you all is, do you think he was looking for someone else seriously, or just because he had doubts about us living together?

Is this salvageable or am I wasting my energy on trying to find an excuse as to why he is on there aside from him looking to cheat? Maybe he's addicted to the attention?

Do you think there's a chance he'll realize he messed up and will come back to rectify the situation? I told him if its not him on the acct then I hoped he would contact them and report the acct. So, I did give him an out.

This is so hard to accept. He was just here with his kids last weekend. He bought me a mother's day gift, which I returned to the store yesterday. I caught him looking at me Sunday and playfully asked why was he staring at me. He said he wasnt staring, he just enjoyed looking at his woman. Sigh, I'm so utterly confused.
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Old 19th May 2018, 9:42 AM   #2
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He said he would leave me alone and he hasn't said anything else to me. That was 5 days ago.
You told him to go away and leave you alone, so he did... Whether you were upset or not, he is respecting your wishes.

In the end, the relationship ran its course. 9 months was enough for him and he is ready to move on, thus he started searching the on-line dating site.

You gave him "the out" he was looking for.

Just out of curiosity, who brought up the "living together" idea??
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Old 19th May 2018, 9:48 AM   #3
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Just out of curiosity, who brought up the "living together" idea??
He did. 4 months after we started dating, he moved into a new apartment. He said he should have moved in with me because he felt more at home here than he did in his apartment. He said he signed a 6 month lease instead of a year long lease and as soon as it was up, he was going to move in with me, if I would have him.

A few weeks ago when he was here with his kids, he even asked them how they would feel if he lived here with me.
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Old 19th May 2018, 9:58 AM   #4
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He did.
Hmmm... I thought maybe he got scared, but that isn't the case.

I guess I'll stick with my original theory of "the relationship ran its course" and he was ready for someone new. It happens all the time.

Sometimes people just want to make a change.

How long was he married to the mother of his children?? Perhaps he just wants to be single and "play the field".

At some point, he changed his mind about living with you. I have no idea "why", though.

Last edited by Happy Lemming; 19th May 2018 at 9:59 AM.. Reason: Clean up spacing
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Old 19th May 2018, 10:02 AM   #5
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Hmmm... I thought maybe he got scared, but that isn't the case.

I guess I'll stick with my original theory of "the relationship ran its course" and he was ready for someone new. It happens all the time.

Sometimes people just want to make a change.

How long was he married to the mother of his children?? Perhaps he just wants to be single and "play the field".

At some point, he changed his mind about living with you. I have no idea "why", though.
They were married 10 years, divorced 2.

He said he was all in and was open to living together but he is scared of failing and having to move and start over again. His lease is up at the end of June. I think he is just scared. And I think he was caught off guard because, obviously, he never intended for me to see him on that dating site. And now he's ashamed. Idk. I just wish he would talk to me and be honest.

Last edited by JustMizz; 19th May 2018 at 10:04 AM..
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Old 19th May 2018, 10:07 AM   #6
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I just wish he would talk to me and be honest.
Why would you want to hear from someone who is clearly exercising their options to leave a relationship and find another SO ?

When a person does that they have already left emotionally and pulling them back will not get the wanted results.. only more heartbreak.
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Old 19th May 2018, 10:12 AM   #7
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Why would you want to hear from someone who is clearly exercising their options to leave a relationship and find another SO ?

When a person does that they have already left emotionally and pulling them back will not get the wanted results.. only more heartbreak.
I guess I'm just in denial.
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Old 19th May 2018, 10:13 AM   #8
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They were married 10 years, divorced 2.
10 years... Yes, he wants to be single and "play the field".

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I just wish he would talk to me and be honest.
Why?? He was looking at new dating profiles, he is ready for a change. What do you get if he admits that he was looking for someone new?? Some justification for your efforts of creating a fake profile and catching him with the screenshots you printed??

What do you get if he says... "OK you caught me, yes that is my updated profile and I'm looking to replace you." In theory, he was going to string you along until he had a new established relationship with a new person. He lied because he wanted to keep you around until he accomplished his "new person" goal.

Just my two cents....
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Old 19th May 2018, 10:19 AM   #9
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Its just the fact that he involved his children and kept bringing them around. He just seemed genuine in his feelings for me.

If he was looking for someone new, wouldn't he keep his children away from me?
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Old 19th May 2018, 10:42 AM   #10
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If he was looking for someone new, wouldn't he keep his children away from me?
Maybe it was convenient to bring them along.

"Kill two birds with one stone" -- See you and see his kids??

Keep up the facade that you are "special" by exposing his kids to you??

Hard to tell...
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