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When all his friends are your friends

Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

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Old 25th March 2018, 10:43 PM   #1
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Join Date: May 2015
Posts: 58
When all his friends are your friends

I'm going to type out a background of the relationship and breakup as a way of venting and also explanation because I feel like I'm going to explode if I don't.

I am a transfer student in my third year of college. I started at a new school last semester and did not know anyone. I met my ex within a few weeks of moving here and we spent every day together. He practically lived at my apartment. From the beginning, we had a super close relationship that seemed too good to be true. I guess it really was in the end.

It's been one week since the breakup. It was an extremely frustrating one as it was truly out of nowhere. I know a lot of times on this forum people will say that and sometimes backtrack and remember red flags but there was only really the week previous to breaking up that it got bad. He randomly became extremely distant and called me out of nowhere and said he did not feel that "in love" feeling anymore. I have been struggling immensely despite going through a bad breakup in the past. Part of this also has to do with the fact that I do not have any other friends beyond his friend group.

Because I started somewhere new on my own, his friends became my friends. Him and his friend group are the only people I actually knew and hung out with. Because of this, I am really conflicted on what to do now.
He was out of town this past weekend and his friends invited me out clubbing and I went with them and was really happy to be invited. As you probably know if you've been dumped, it's extremely hard to go out and have a good time and enjoy the things you normally would but I gave it the best that I could and everyone was extremely nice to me. A few of his friends told me they liked having me around better than him too which made me feel good.

Now, his friends are stuck in a weird place and I really feel bad for them. My ex is their close friend of a few years so he obviously comes first in terms of invites out, but they all still want to extend the invite to me. So the way we all agreed on it is that it is up to me if I want to go out with them with him being there. They did not want to choose between us. When we were breaking up and I expressed the fact that I did not want to lose all of my friends, he told me that he was fine with me going out with them as a group. It may be fine with him because he lost feelings but I know it would not end well for me.

I am not sure what advice to even ask for- I just want to know if anyone has been in this situation. I am kicking myself for not meeting other people even though I was happy in the situation at the time. I think because I moved to a new city, it was really intoxicating to immediately find a great boyfriend and a new friend group that I never thought ahead to what would happen if it all ended.

I was invited to a friend's birthday next weekend and I am stuck on what to do. I know most likely I will not show up because I do not want to see my ex but more than anything in this world, I do not want to lose my friends and miss their special events because I still have feelings for my ex. I am so extremely torn. I know seeing my ex would be really difficult and I do believe that for me to heal, I need to stay away. But it will be so lonely for me if I cannot see my friends anymore. Most weekends we would all go out to a bar or hang out at someone's house so I am really dreading having weekends alone now. I did meet up with two separate friends during this week which I can still do thankfully, I guess I'm just sad about missing big events and having to put that distance between me and my friends.

Last edited by na27; 25th March 2018 at 10:46 PM..
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