LDR Break Up Messaged Ex After a Week and really upset about it

[moonandsun]

A week ago, my ex and i broke up after three months of dating. In a way, it wasn't a bad relationship, it was just difficult. We met through online dating, and he lived an hour and a half away from me (for work), but his family lives in my area. We started seeing each other and even spent New Years eve together.

 

When were togehter, it was wonderful. He told me that being with me made him want to be a better person. He would talk about how i was the girl he saw in his future. He introduced me to his parents and invited me to an extended family dinner a month into our relationship. A month after we began officially dating, i came to his place in his city.

 

The only thing that really made it hard was the fact that he took everything extremely slow. And i tried to adjust to that. I am naturally an opportunist. I like to live in the moment and when I have someone who i can be with, I am happy to take advantage of it (especially since i want to make them happy too).

 

He also began to make less effort to see me. He would come back to town to see me once every two to three weeks, and it wouldnt even be for a long time (an evening usually, unless i slept over). but even when he would come, he would allocate more time for his friends than to see me. He wouldnt plan dates (and if he did, they usually were very low effort). It felt that i started to make more effort. It also felt like he didnt prioritize me.

 

So last week, he came to town to see me for 4 hours (we hadnt seen each other in 2 weeks, again, and he limited seeing me for so little). So i opened up to him about wanting him to try a bit more for me because i felt like i was putting more effort (planning to come see him for 2 to 3 days in his city, when he would only allocate a few hours for me when he would come to my town). I also said I wish he would prioritize me more. He said that thats not who he is naturally and he cant do that for me.

 

So we broke up... and yesterday i messaged him a heartfelt message telling him that i did like him for who he was, i just wanted us to have equal effort in the relationship. I ended it with wishing him the best. I dont want to get back together ( i realized that he was emotionally unavailable), i just wanted him to acknowledge that i did care for him and that he knew my mission was never to change him. I

 

Its been over a day and he hasn't even opened the message (although he has been online and active on fb all day). I feel really embarrased for messaging him and i feel so weak. i miss him and i know he isnt ready for our relationship, but it doesnt change the fact that he is literally ignoring me.. to add to it, he went out on friday night to party and snapchatted bringing girls home with his friends (i deleted him off snapchat after that).

 

any advice? How do i move on without the closure? Part of me wishes he would reply, just so I know he acknowledged my feelings.

Edited March 25, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Patrice]

Much better to find out now.

[d0nnivain]

You are not weak or stupid. You are human. You spoke your piece & told him your reasonable expectations. He couldn't meet them so you walked. You then sought closure but were met with silence. All in all silence isn't a bad response. You can't think he was going to say OMG! You are so right & I will change now that you sent me that message. He didn't know what else to say or do. He didn't want to refute your points & start another fight so he simply said / did nothing.

 

Be OK with the fact that you stuck up for yourself & you tried. You also took the high road.

 

Now put it behind you & move forward. The way you describe yourself tells me you are an optimistic person so move forward. Onward & upward. Good luck!

[basil67]

So we broke up... and yesterday i messaged him a heartfelt message telling him that i did like him for who he was, i just wanted us to have equal effort in the relationship. I ended it with wishing him the best. I dont want to get back together ( i realized that he was emotionally unavailable), i just wanted him to acknowledge that i did care for him and that he knew my mission was never to change him.

 

You didn't do anything wrong. Heck, I once blew up the phone of someone who went AWOL on me. Most of us have done stuff we regret.

 

About the only suggestion of what you could have done differently is to have no said the bolded part. Had you simply said that you enjoyed your time with him and wish him well, you may have gotten a response. Unfortunately, the bolded bit made the message really awkward....he already knew the reason for breaking up and it kind of sounds like you needed to rehash it.

 

At any rate, be glad it was only a few months and that you didn't waste a lot of time on him.

[moonandsun]

 

About the only suggestion of what you could have done differently is to have no said the bolded part. Had you simply said that you enjoyed your time with him and wish him well, you may have gotten a response. Unfortunately, the bolded bit made the message really awkward....he already knew the reason for breaking up and it kind of sounds like you needed to rehash it.

.

 

Thank you for your response. I see where you are coming from. the message was a bit longer, but i guess i just said that to him because i meant to explain it wasnt the change i wanted. but again i understand what you mean. To be honest he didnt even open the message on facebook, although i do think he saw it, he just doesnt want me to see he saw it.

 

Either way, you are right, better now than later.

[ExpatInItaly]

Don't be too hard on yourself, OP.

 

You were open and told him how you felt. There is much to be said for emotional availability; it's an admirable quality.

 

Look at this as him being totally wrong for you.

[Nox]

You shouldn't see your message as something that humiliates you (even though it's a big blow for the ego to confess your feelings to someone who's out partying, flirting and quite possibly having one night stands while you are still feeling this way).

 

The situation is bad, but you got the best out of it - it ended rather quickly, you didn't waste years on a wrong person, and you maintained your integirty by being open about the things you dislike.

As for the message you sent about your feelings, look at it this way: you got it off your chest. You won't have to dwell on what you'd want him to know about your feelings, you won't wonder if it would have been different had you put more effort into it, etc... If someone has a clear insight in your heart, and rejects you, on one hand you can see it as humiliation... but on the other hand, you can see it as the best sign of incompatibility that you should use to propel you forward, further away from him.