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No wedding invitation...should I break up?


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Old 25th March 2018, 2:38 PM   #1
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No wedding invitation...should I break up?

My boyfriend of 6 months is not inviting me to his daughterís big wedding. I know that his relationship with daughter has been strained lately and they havenít talked for a couple of months, so I was not sure how he was going to handle this issue.

I am feeling hurt and yesterday we had a huge fight over it and he did state that the daughters situation played a part but also that he wasnít sure of were the relation was going and that he didnít want me to feel that this would be a permanent relationship because he is going through a lot of issues right now. I am also going through a lot of issues myself and our relationship has been more platonic than not and that has been ok with me as I have too much going on as well.

Other than this, we have a lot of communication, talk every day and he does a lot of things for me around the house. Helping me with my stress and being a really good friend.

Another issue that he has is that he has issues with commitment and was very hurt in his marriage as he left him for another man, but they have kept in constant communication and he relies on her emotionally as well. So my thinking is that he never got over her and it would be uncomfortable to have me there. Also I know that the last time they had some social gathering he felt very uncomfortable and left very quickly after his appearance and he told me so

I donít know if this is an issue to break up with someone or just keep the friendship that is very good on one hand.

Anyway, I donít know that after my outburst last night if the relationship will take a new turn. He has always allowed me to tell him how I feel and I did let him know I was hurt and told him that perhaps the real reason was because he still loved her and seeing her with the man she left him would be emotional for him and the commitment issues with not putting me out in public as his girlfriend. When in arguments I tend to throw in all the other issues that we had and that I had not confronted him with so one argument let to another. Since he got all upset himself he simple stated that if I didnít like the way things were, then I should leave him. Itís just not that simple as I care for him and we do get along really great and have great communication.

Please let me know your thoughts. Am I being unreasonable to think that a man that I speak with on a daily basis, and do things together for companionship and friendship should feel that I should be invited? The wedding is not for another 3 months so thatís 3 months of probably feeling resentful. I met the daughter once and she was very pleasant to me so I assume that as his girlfriend I would be invited. I have invited him to events myself but nothing as formal as a wedding.

Help please.
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Old 25th March 2018, 2:50 PM   #2
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Youíve met his daughter once, why should you be invited? Isnít it her and her partnerís choice who they invite to their wedding?

Get over it.
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Old 25th March 2018, 2:59 PM   #3
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Weddings are expensive. It depends on who is paying for the wedding & the wording of the invitation. If the daughter only invited dad because she & her FI can't afford another $150+ for daddy's (relatively) new GF, simmer down. If your BF was invited with a plus one but is choosing to go alone, that is not good. He told that he doesn't think this is a permanent relationship. Since that is his stance I wouldn't stick around. If he is reluctant to invite you because he has father of the bride responsibilities, doesn't want to cause family drama & is concerned about you sitting by yourself, I'd take that into consideration but here it seems like it doesn't think you are important enough to introduce to "everybody" on this special occasion.
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Old 25th March 2018, 3:09 PM   #4
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I am concerned about what he said to you. But I'm also concerned that you jumped to such conclusions over a wedding invite in the first place. Like d0nnovain says, wedding s are expensive and sometimes plus ones aren't invited.
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Old 25th March 2018, 3:17 PM   #5
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Its highly likely that his daughter has no interest in you being there. Its HER wedding, not your boyfriends. Its up to her who is invited and who isnt. Why would she want her dad's girlfriend there, especially if her mother will be there?
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Old 25th March 2018, 3:24 PM   #6
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You need to look at all of it...

You need to look at all of it...

The wedding invitation in not a bid deal, at all. You need to rethink that.

It could be that one or more of the children don't want any drama at the wedding. And that is understandable.

Further, you guys have been going out just 6 months, and that is really not long enough (or serious enough based on your post), for a wedding situation.

I went through this with my kids, and they did not want any new GF/BF at the wedding because of the drama potential. I was pissed, but I will also say that I have moved on from that woman so they were kind of right.

Now, having said all of that... Girl, you really need to look at this whole "relationship" because it has a ton of red flags.

1) Mostly platonic? How many time have you slept together and how was it... HONESTLY?

2) This guy is still hung up on his Ex W. How long has the divorce been final?

3) Not only is he hung up on her, he is hoping to get her back. What does that tell you... He is a WEAK MAN. Moreover, he probably (maybe) is a low sex drive guy and he was not taking care of her in the bed room, which led her to cheat and leave him in the dust.

4) He went to the "Family" event and his wife brought her other man to the party and he left because he could not handle it. (WEAK MAN, still hung up on his cheating wife)

Whether you realize it or not, this is not the type of man that any woman wants to be with, no matter how "nice" he seems, eventually his lack of strength as a man makes the woman lose respect and attraction to him. Which is what probably happened to his wife.

Don't get me wrong, his wife is probably a horrible person, and was wrong to do what she did, but I am betting that she had her reasons.

A strong man, never talks to a woman that treated him like this. Unless it deals with young kids. And he sure does not "lean" on her for emotional support.

Now, I may be wrong about some of this, but there is no way that I am wrong about most of it.

You need to dump this guy today, not because of the wedding issue, but because of everything else.

If you don't, I assure you that later you will be very disappointed that you stayed with him.
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Old 25th March 2018, 4:04 PM   #7
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I mean, his ex will be there and his daughter with whom his relationship is already strained. Bringing a date will only exacerbate whatever he is going to have to put on a smile and pretend to be nice about at that wedding. And he was honest with you that he's not serious enough to inject you into his family in a major way yet, so that's where you are. 6 months isn't very long. To bring someone to where the family and ex are, I would say you'd at least need to be a fiancee.
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Old 25th March 2018, 4:54 PM   #8
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There have been a great many sound reasons offered for you to not be invited to the wedding.

What interests me is that you're considering breaking up over this. Perhaps you're not happy with him over all and this is the final straw?
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Old 26th March 2018, 12:55 AM   #9
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Thank you all for your great responses. I am glad that I came to you for advise.

I did call him this morning and apologized for getting upset over this issue. In reality I really wasnít much for going except that when he told me this, he did discuss it or anything like that but just told me what he was doing.

Our discussion last night was quite intense as I had taken some medication and I guess it made me a bit more emotional. I was very embarrassed that I said the things I said and being that Iíve never good with conflicts because as a child I had to stay quiet and never say what bothered me. I always think that whenever I argue in a relationship that it would be over. But he has called me 2x today and has been very nice about the whole thing.

I think one the main issues is that he is commitment phobic and he is afraid of falling in love. I do want to fall in love and have someone love me as well and I fear that it may not happen. I think he was very committed to this woman who he has been divorced for 8 years. I just donít know whether to give this more time or not. He does have a lot of good positive things and has been a great friend whenever Iíve had any problems.

I donít know if its because its so recent, but I feel like something has changed in my feelings for him and I donít know how to once get back to where we were. It feels awkward. I havenít been very talkative when he calls and thankfully he does all the talking.
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Old 26th March 2018, 3:24 AM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Womanscorn View Post
Thank you all for your great responses. I am glad that I came to you for advise.

I did call him this morning and apologized for getting upset over this issue. In reality I really wasnít much for going except that when he told me this, he did discuss it or anything like that but just told me what he was doing.

Our discussion last night was quite intense as I had taken some medication and I guess it made me a bit more emotional. I was very embarrassed that I said the things I said and being that Iíve never good with conflicts because as a child I had to stay quiet and never say what bothered me. I always think that whenever I argue in a relationship that it would be over. But he has called me 2x today and has been very nice about the whole thing.

I think one the main issues is that he is commitment phobic and he is afraid of falling in love. I do want to fall in love and have someone love me as well and I fear that it may not happen. I think he was very committed to this woman who he has been divorced for 8 years. I just donít know whether to give this more time or not. He does have a lot of good positive things and has been a great friend whenever Iíve had any problems.

I donít know if its because its so recent, but I feel like something has changed in my feelings for him and I donít know how to once get back to where we were. It feels awkward. I havenít been very talkative when he calls and thankfully he does all the talking.
I really wish you had addressed all of this with him earlier, instead of making it all about the wedding invitation. FWIW, the SO and I are paying ~$120 per guest for our wedding, so I would think really long and hard about inviting someone's 6-month-girlfriend. I probably would if that person was close to us anyway, but I certainly don't blame anyone who chooses not to. Generally, a commonly-used rule here is that they should be together for over a year or living together, to be included. Making such a big fuss about it makes you sound really selfish, and if I were him, I would have serious second thoughts about someone who made another person's wedding all about themselves.

But, it sounds like there are legitimate issues lurking beneath the surface here, that are the actual reason for you overreacting to the wedding invite. I don't know how to advise you on them without knowing more about you and him and his last relationship, but I will say that you should keep your eyes wide open. Especially as he still seems to be rather close to his ex-wife - he may indeed not be ready for a relationship.
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