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Night from hell with Ex


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livinglife2019

I went to a gig with my ex last night, we've been in pretty good contact since the break up but last night all hell broke loose. While we where at the gig he was grabbing my ass and putting his hands on my hip and dancing with me, it was all very sexual. I didn't know what to make of it as he now has a girlfriend, I found myself drinking way more than I should have. We where getting ready to leave and he said he was going to meet his gf I told him to go and I could make my own way home. However he wouldn't leave me, he literally walked with me for an hour, we had a massive fight on the street and I begged him to leave me alone but he wouldn't he wanted to make sure I got home ok.

 

Anyway we eventually parted ways, I was feeling very very low and I done something very stupid. I said I was going to take my life. I was considering it but if I'm honest. My phone died and by the time iturned it on i had about 100 missed calls from him and my mother, he had contacted her as well. I left him a voice mail and he said " I assume that was you who left the voicemail, I didn't listen to it goodnight" I texted him to say I was ok and he said "your a disgrace, you can't treat people like that, goodbye"

 

I really regret it all, the whole lot. I don't even expect him to forgive me or want to talk to me.

 

I really do want to apologise but I don't know what to do or say, I was feeling very low but that's not an excuse for what I done. the fact he put goodbye at the end of the message makes me think he's done with me which is fine. I'm really upset over it.

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CautiouslyOptimistic

If he has a girlfriend, why did you go with him in the first place? Are you in the band?

 

We've all had those moments we regret :(. I'm sorry this happened. Be kind to yourself, forgive yourself, and if you truly are thinking of suicide, please talk to someone.

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ExpatInItaly

Oh, dear.

 

I too have to question why you were out with him to begin with. How did that come about?

 

And yes, he is done for good. That type of scare is terrifying for the people close to you and he doesn't want any part of it after learning you're fine. You would be best to cut all ties with him for good, and focus on your emotional health. Thinking about suicide and threatening it are signs that you need professional help, OP. I don't mean that in an unkind way either - this is life trying to send you the message that you need a third party to help you heal now.

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livinglife2019

We've hung out a few times since breaking up, was fine but last night he really upset me and I went over the edge.

 

I agree the goodbye at the end of the message really does mean goodbye for good. Hes the only person who upsets me like no one else can. My family have told me to stay away as they think he's playing mind games. Before we went to the gig we where chatting and I told him I'd hooked up with someone and he called me a whore and then proceeded to tell me that he introduced the girl he's seeing to his family something that he wouldn't do with me. When I said "your girlfriend" he said not my girlfriend but will be at some point.

 

We did agree to be friends after the break up, but he's so flirtatious with me that last night I lost it and told him he can't be grabbing my ass holding me close when dancing when he has a girlfriend.

 

Anyway after what I done I think he won't ever speak to me again.

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CautiouslyOptimistic
We've hung out a few times since breaking up, was fine but last night he really upset me and I went over the edge.

 

I agree the goodbye at the end of the message really does mean goodbye for good. Hes the only person who upsets me like no one else can. My family have told me to stay away as they think he's playing mind games. Before we went to the gig we where chatting and I told him I'd hooked up with someone and he called me a whore and then proceeded to tell me that he introduced the girl he's seeing to his family something that he wouldn't do with me. When I said "your girlfriend" he said not my girlfriend but will be at some point.

We did agree to be friends after the break up, but he's so flirtatious with me that last night I lost it and told him he can't be grabbing my ass holding me close when dancing when he has a girlfriend.

Anyway after what I done I think he won't ever speak to me again.

 

Yeah, I agree with your family about him playing games. And with you that he shouldn't be all grabby with you if he has a girlfriend. I doubt she'd like that very much either! Does she know you guys still see each other?

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livinglife2019

Yeah he's likes a drug to me, I keep going back for more even when I shouldn't. I actually could have been friends with him, I still do have some feelings for him and I think he knows it. I don't get why play mind games, we agreed to be friends so he shouldn't need to play games. he told me she knows but I don't know if he's telling the truth or not.

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We've hung out a few times since breaking up, was fine but last night he really upset me and I went over the edge.

 

I agree the goodbye at the end of the message really does mean goodbye for good. Hes the only person who upsets me like no one else can. My family have told me to stay away as they think he's playing mind games. Before we went to the gig we where chatting and I told him I'd hooked up with someone and he called me a whore and then proceeded to tell me that he introduced the girl he's seeing to his family something that he wouldn't do with me. When I said "your girlfriend" he said not my girlfriend but will be at some point.

 

We did agree to be friends after the break up, but he's so flirtatious with me that last night I lost it and told him he can't be grabbing my ass holding me close when dancing when he has a girlfriend.

 

Anyway after what I done I think he won't ever speak to me again.

 

You shouldn't be hanging out with him because it is clear you aren't over him. He has told you he has a new gf and it sounds like you are putting yourself in a position to get hurt. Any affection he sends your way now will be sexual because he doesn't want more from you. I think you should apologize to your Mom for threatening to commit suicide.

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losangelena
Yeah he's likes a drug to me, I keep going back for more even when I shouldn't. I actually could have been friends with him, I still do have some feelings for him and I think he knows it. I don't get why play mind games, we agreed to be friends so he shouldn't need to play games. he told me she knows but I don't know if he's telling the truth or not.

 

I am always skeptical of the whole "just friends with an ex" thing. Yes, I'm sure it's possible, but I also think it takes an extraordinary amount of time away from each other to allow for true separation and healing before a real "friendship" can exist. Don't kid yourself; y'all are not friends. Spend time away from him, allow yourself to heal mentally and emotionally first.

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What he hopes is just friends and what you hope is just friends are two different things. He was hoping just friends tomean just have sex with you once in a while wiithout you caring if he had a girlfriend. Men can't take the sexual rejection once a relationship is over well enough to be just friends without sex. But they're more than happy to have sex and no obligation, and to them that is just friends.

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The only reason he is mad at you is that you didn’t respond to his advances.....he wanted you to take him home and have sex with him. What would help you is to cut him out of your life. He is a danger to your mental health.

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ExpatInItaly
Yeah he's likes a drug to me, I keep going back for more even when I shouldn't. I actually could have been friends with him, I still do have some feelings for him and I think he knows it. I don't get why play mind games, we agreed to be friends so he shouldn't need to play games. he told me she knows but I don't know if he's telling the truth or not.

 

Why do you consider someone who called you a whore to even be friend material, OP?

 

You need better standards. This guy treats you like crap, seems to enjoy the power he has over you and certainly does not love you.

 

Please, do seek the help of a great therapist. You are going to need to redefine what love and friendship is to you, and learn how to apply better boundaries for yourself so you don't allow people like him into your life.

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We've hung out a few times since breaking up, was fine

 

How does his girlfriend feel about him hanging out with you?

 

if you were his girlfriend, would you be cool with him hanging out with an ex who clearly isn't over him that he wants to smash?

Edited by kendahke
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livinglife2019

Not sure how his current gf feels, I did say to him at the beginning if she had any issues we should go our separate ways and he said she didn't! I do regret how it escalated and for what I said. I would like to apologise to him, I just don't know when or how to! My mother told me he was extremely upset on the phone to her last night and that he was really worried. And for that I think I owe him an appolgie. I was shocked by how worried he was about me! But I do realise he has a gf who has met his family, done things that we never done together. And I respect his choice. I also don't know her but I wouldn't want to upset her so hence why when he was grabbing my ass, pulling me close to dance with I told him to stop and that it wasn't right. While we where fighting and I was begging him to leave me alone all he kept saying was I was his petal (his pet name for me) anyway I know this would never work, I do think he has some feelings for me but doesn't want to go down that road. He told me Yesterday he was incapable of love, don't know why he said it. How can I apologise to him, should I text or ask to meet for a coffee?

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livinglife2019

I don't know if this is useful, he did say we could never hook up. But however then continued to grab my ass etc.

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CautiouslyOptimistic
Not sure how his current gf feels, I did say to him at the beginning if she had any issues we should go our separate ways and he said she didn't! I do regret how it escalated and for what I said. I would like to apologise to him, I just don't know when or how to! My mother told me he was extremely upset on the phone to her last night and that he was really worried. And for that I think I owe him an appolgie. I was shocked by how worried he was about me! But I do realise he has a gf who has met his family, done things that we never done together. And I respect his choice. I also don't know her but I wouldn't want to upset her so hence why when he was grabbing my ass, pulling me close to dance with I told him to stop and that it wasn't right. While we where fighting and I was begging him to leave me alone all he kept saying was I was his petal (his pet name for me) anyway I know this would never work, I do think he has some feelings for me but doesn't want to go down that road. He told me Yesterday he was incapable of love, don't know why he said it. How can I apologise to him, should I text or ask to meet for a coffee?

 

If you must apologize, just text him. Don't meet him. The fact that he was so worried you might kill yourself does not mean he wants to get back together.

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ExpatInItaly

Do not try to meet this guy again, OP. You cannot handle it, and he is playing you for a total fool.

 

He was worried because he thought you might die. His panicked reaction was normal under the circumstances, but you are hoping it means something more? No. Leave him alone now.

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PinkPampies

He chose her. Not you. She’s met his family. He’s claimed her to be his girlfriend. You won’t be able to heal and move on because you’re still holding on.

 

The longer you hold on, the more you’re going to get hurt. You won’t ever be his girlfriend again. He may keep you on the back burner or keep you for sex. Is that what you want?

 

Why would you want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with you? Nothing could feel worse than that.

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losangelena

Yeah, just leave it, OP. Every amount or kind of contact you have with him just delays true healing. Send a text if you must, but then cease contact at that point.

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I don't know if this is useful, he did say we could never hook up. But however then continued to grab my ass etc.

 

Because that's what he'd like but figures you won't go for it. He told you he's incapable of love. Believe it.

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Why is he grabbing your ass if he has another girlfriend? I would be well pissed if my boyfriend did that to another girl he was hanging out with, ex girlfriend or not, you don't go around grabbing another girls ass when in a relationship...

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We all make mistakes, no need to beat yourself up. But why...

 

Why are you going out with him if he has a girlfriend? Why is he grabbing your ass and acting sexually toward you if he has a girlfriend? Why did you allow it?

 

Why did you tell him that you were going to commit suicide? And, why would you do anything more than send him a text to apologize... and then find a consellor to help you examine why you make such poor decision with your life and why you have such poor self-esteem that you would consider/threaten suicide.

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Not sure how his current gf feels, I did say to him at the beginning if she had any issues we should go our separate ways and he said she didn't!

 

It shouldn't take you saying anything to him. He should not have been in your company to begin with.

 

I do regret how it escalated and for what I said. I would like to apologise to him, I just don't know when or how to! My mother told me he was extremely upset on the phone to her last night and that he was really worried. And for that I think I owe him an appolgie.

 

What you have is an emotional affair going on--and most likely, this will escalate to a sexual affair and you will have destroyed an innocent woman (his girlfriend) because you won't back off. Him giving you permission to be out with him in a girlfriend capacity is non sequitur.

 

The word "no" is understood by every human by the age of 18 months.

 

I was shocked by how worried he was about me!

 

He was reacting to being manipulated.

 

But I do realise he has a gf who has met his family, done things that we never done together. And I respect his choice.

 

I don't think you do. If you did, you wouldn't have been out together and none of this drama would have ensued.

 

I also don't know her but I wouldn't want to upset her so hence why when he was grabbing my ass, pulling me close to dance with I told him to stop and that it wasn't right.

 

You. Shouldn't. Have. Been. There. At. All.

 

While we where fighting and I was begging him to leave me alone all he kept saying was I was his petal (his pet name for me) anyway I know this would never work, I do think he has some feelings for me but doesn't want to go down that road. He told me Yesterday he was incapable of love, don't know why he said it. How can I apologise to him, should I text or ask to meet for a coffee?

 

You can't.

 

You blew it. Let it go and leave him be.

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CautiouslyOptimistic
He told you he's incapable of love. Believe it.

 

Agree. My exH told me this after our failed reconciliation. Well, during it I guess, and he also told our counselor.

 

Believe it.

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Not sure how his current gf feels, I did say to him at the beginning if she had any issues we should go our separate ways and he said she didn't! I do regret how it escalated and for what I said. I would like to apologise to him, I just don't know when or how to! My mother told me he was extremely upset on the phone to her last night and that he was really worried. And for that I think I owe him an appolgie. I was shocked by how worried he was about me! But I do realise he has a gf who has met his family, done things that we never done together. And I respect his choice. I also don't know her but I wouldn't want to upset her so hence why when he was grabbing my ass, pulling me close to dance with I told him to stop and that it wasn't right. While we where fighting and I was begging him to leave me alone all he kept saying was I was his petal (his pet name for me) anyway I know this would never work, I do think he has some feelings for me but doesn't want to go down that road. He told me Yesterday he was incapable of love, don't know why he said it. How can I apologise to him, should I text or ask to meet for a coffee?

 

I wonder if she would have issues with how he was dancing with you. Kinda aggressive with his hands.

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