Torn between my ex GF and a new relationship

[NewPageTurner]

My gf and I separated in may of 2017.

She moved out of our house after living together for 2.5 years.

We were together for over 3 years.

She moved back to her mom's and grandparents.

I'm 28 she is 23. Been together since I was 24 and she was 20. She was a virgin, never been married and no kids. I have 2 son's.

From may 2017 until Novemeber 2017 our relationship was off of all social media, and became very very minimal and became a routine of only messaging, pictures on occasion, and sex. I wanted more. I wanted to rekindle our relationship and rebuild the family dynamic we had.

 

Jump to Novemeber, she decided she was just done and she blocked me on all forms. I could not reach her in any way.

 

Jump to January 2018. She has enlisted in the Navy. She leaves for boot camp April 4th in Chicago for 8 weeks then to Texas after that. I'm so torn up about it. There was no breathing room to fix anything, she simply wanted to run.

 

Well now, just less than 2 weeks before she leaves she reached out to me. We had dinner last night after she agreed to, and it was so emotional for both of us. Tears everywhere, moments of resentment and blame on her end, but it ended with kisses, love, and then she called me after she got home. We were together for several hours yesterday.

 

It's throwing me off because for almost 2 months I've been seeing another woman. She's 40, beautiful, grounded, and knows exactly what she wants. She's invested in me and told me she loves me deeply. Everything was fine until my ex stepped back into my realm. The new woman knows my ex reached out to me, and she sees and has felt a difference in my vibe since.

 

I'm so torn. I want my ex back so much, but she's leaving. Even if she wanted to say she wanted to work things out, it would be so impossible since she will be states away being that I'm in Florida.

 

I love my ex so much, and despite her attitude most days, and some of the rough latches we endured, I want her back. But I'm also invested in the new woman.

 

Any advice? What can or should I do?

I'm a wreck.

[stillafool]

You really shouldn't be involved in a new relationship until you are over your ex. It isn't fair to the new woman. Given the age difference between your new woman and your ex I imagine she is feeling very insecure. Even if the new woman is the perfect package she isn't for you, right now. If she wants kids she doesn't have time to waste. Let her go. Your ex is leaving, very young and will be meeting a lot of new people. It is doubtful she will be the same person when she returns. Take time to heal and get over your ex then search for the love of your life.

[bluecastle]

You've gotten yourself in a bind, no doubt.

 

Frankly, to me it sounds like you're just not ready for any relationship right now. You're seeing someone great, yet your ex remains a trigger that you indulged in. However you rationalized the kisses etc., make no mistake: you were also cheating on someone, and she's sensed a difference, so that foundation has taken a blow.

 

You say there's no hope for you and your ex: she's going away, your history is complicated, emotions unstable, and so on. You need to just let that go, deal with the waves of pain and longing, so you'll be ready to really commit to someone new.

 

I don't mean to sound harsh. I've been in the exact situation. It doesn't end well.

[preraph]

Only because you mentioned she was a virgin do I bring this up. You do realize she's probably been with other guys after you broke up, right? It seems like a no-brainer but this is about the third post on this board today that seemed surprised, so just wondering if that changes your outlook too.

 

You are single. You can date both of them if both of them realize you're dating other people. You don't have to make up your mind. There is some reason you broke up before and unless you think that reason has gone "poof" and no longer exists, you will likely just end up in the same place. But date them both if they will put up with it. Don't tell either of them who the other is and don't talk about it other than to say "I'm not exclusive with you at this time."

[NewPageTurner]

I should simply break off everything with the new woman? Completely done?

 

You've gotten yourself in a bind, no doubt.

 

Frankly, to me it sounds like you're just not ready for any relationship right now. You're seeing someone great, yet your ex remains a trigger that you indulged in. However you rationalized the kisses etc., make no mistake: you were also cheating on someone, and she's sensed a difference, so that foundation has taken a blow.

 

You say there's no hope for you and your ex: she's going away, your history is complicated, emotions unstable, and so on. You need to just let that go, deal with the waves of pain and longing, so you'll be ready to really commit to someone new.

 

I don't mean to sound harsh. I've been in the exact situation. It doesn't end well.

[NewPageTurner]

It may sound cliché, but She is not the kind of person to do that due to religious convictions. This plan may work in normal circumstances but my ex gf is not part of the traditional norm that hooks up so easily.

 

Only because you mentioned she was a virgin do I bring this up. You do realize she's probably been with other guys after you broke up, right? It seems like a no-brainer but this is about the third post on this board today that seemed surprised, so just wondering if that changes your outlook too.

 

You are single. You can date both of them if both of them realize you're dating other people. You don't have to make up your mind. There is some reason you broke up before and unless you think that reason has gone "poof" and no longer exists, you will likely just end up in the same place. But date them both if they will put up with it. Don't tell either of them who the other is and don't talk about it other than to say "I'm not exclusive with you at this time."