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Boyfriend hurt that i had sex with someone after he broke up with me


Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

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Old 26th March 2018, 3:27 AM   #46
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Asunflower View Post
Although we are together and working thru this, what hurts more it s that he said that we will break up if he cannot move past this... And i m like “ok, now what? What am i supposed to do? When will you know you aste past that? Etc”
This creates a lot of guilt in me because it s kinda “this relationship will end because I did something”... At some level i don t even know how to be in it anymore, having this perspective that it might end.

I even asked”ok, if this is such a big issue for you, why didn t u just leave when i told u? Why didn t u leave yet? Why ru still here?” And he says that there are things more important than what i did and that he wants to be with me.
I'll tell you what you should do in response to this. You should tell him:

Look, this is not MY problem. I did nothing wrong here. We were broken up and I was single so I did what I wanted, and had every right to do that. Now if you can't accept that, it's YOUR problem, and it's not fair of you to make ME feel guilty for my perfectly normal behaviour. It's not fair to make out that I did something wrong, or make out that you need to 'forgive' me for anything or 'move on' from what I did! I did nothing wrong!

Now you need to choose box A or box B. Box A is simple, a break up. Box B means you acknowledge that I did nothing wrong and will not punish or blame me any more. You have to get over your problem without making it my problem. If you can't do that, then choose box A instead. There is no box C. Choose. Now.
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Old 26th March 2018, 8:29 AM   #47
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I actually yelled at him today and asked “why ru still here if this bothers u so much? Why didn t u leave already? Why aren t u leaving? “
And he said he doesn t want to leave, that is not what he wants.

He is feeling guilty because i mention in our conversations that i was ****ed up and angry after he dumped me and that s the emotional state that caused me to have sex with someone else. And this is the truth. I was faithful to him throughout our relationshp when he was MARRIED! He cannot accept his guilt and what he did to me. In fact i think that he is mad at HIMSELF but he is putting it on me
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Old 26th March 2018, 9:07 AM   #48
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Originally Posted by Asunflower View Post
i mention in our conversations that i was ****ed up and angry after he dumped me and that s the emotional state that caused me to have sex with someone else
Why are you making excuses? Or blaming him? Or whatever it is that you're doing here in order to avoid the crux of the matter? The crux being: you did nothing wrong. You were single and free to do exactly as you pleased. You don't have to make excuses to him or to yourself or to ANYONE.
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Old 26th March 2018, 9:10 AM   #49
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My friend, the consensus has been unanimous in this, and your other, discussion. This relationship is a nightmare. If that is what you want for YOUR life, then stay at your own risk.
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Old 26th March 2018, 9:30 AM   #50
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Yes, yes and yes...

Quote:
Originally Posted by PegNosePete View Post
Why are you making excuses? Or blaming him? Or whatever it is that you're doing here in order to avoid the crux of the matter? The crux being: you did nothing wrong. You were single and free to do exactly as you pleased. You don't have to make excuses to him or to yourself or to ANYONE.
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Originally Posted by BaileyB View Post
My friend, the consensus has been unanimous in this, and your other, discussion. This relationship is a nightmare. If that is what you want for YOUR life, then stay at your own risk.
Dear, you see where Pete bolded that above. That is the entire point. You don't need a reason, you have nothing to justify, you are a grown a** woman. You can sleep with anyone that you want to when you are single.

And I don't even think that being in a "Relationship" with a married may even counts as a relationship.

And what Baily wrote is even more to the point.

Listen, this guy has issues, he has really big harry issues that unless he is super strong and super introspective, it is unlikely that he will be able to work through these issues for a long time.

You have got to move on. You know what is worse than what you are going through right now, realizing in 2, 5, 7, or 10 years from now that everyone on LS was right.

You really need to dump this guy and try to find someone not crazy.

You know what the best thing about my new GF is... Oh, she is beautiful, super sexy, she loves me like no one ever has and all of that is great.

But you know what the best thing is...SHE IS NOT CRAZY IN ANY WAY.

Until you have been exposed to "NOT CRAZY" you really can't understand how wonderful it is...
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