She finally contacts after 6 months, but not to reconcile

[Jxmpy]

My ex girlfriend contacted me last week after 6 months to see how I was doing. If you read my previous post, I went through a really rough time when she dumped me after being together for 3 years. Anyways, I immediately thought she wanted to get back together. Why else would she hit me up after 6 months of silence and no holiday wishes or birthday wishes? We talked about the break up and reasons why she left. I have fixed those reasons, which were she felt like I had no ambition. Now I have graduated school and have a decent paying job. So i thought maybe she seen the growth and wants to work things out. Is he told me she wants to focus on herself and doesn’t want a relationship at this point. She said we can casually talk. So a week goes by and i mention it again about the relationship and she tells me that it wasn’t only the lack of ambition that I had a while ago why she left. She said that she is young and isn’t ready to settle down yet. Mind you we were together for 3 years! She said she wants to date to see what’s out there. That killed me inside once again and I’m back to square one. Why did she add me back on social media and like some of my posts if she wants to date other people? Just really confused and hurt once again.

[SevenCity]

Because women are happy to be your friend once they lose feelings for you. When a woman falls out of love enough to dump you, she is gone for good.

 

This is why people recommend blocking exes - so you don't have to deal with this crap.

 

I can only imagine how you are feeling - like all those months of suffering were worth it because she came back. I remember when my ex reached out to me my heart was in my throat, but like yours it was not to reconcile. It was some logistical thing.

 

The best thing you can do is find a better chick and make this one a distant memory. Block her and never speak to her again. If not, she will happily string you along giving you false hope.

 

I feel for you brother - but it will get better.

[Downanddown]

When an ex reaches out NEVER talk about the relationship. Ever.

 

It sucks man. I feel you .

 

Block and move on . In time you will feel better . Promise

[Jxmpy]

Because women are happy to be your friend once they lose feelings for you. When a woman falls out of love enough to dump you, she is gone for good.

 

This is why people recommend blocking exes - so you don't have to deal with this crap.

 

I can only imagine how you are feeling - like all those months of suffering were worth it because she came back. I remember when my ex reached out to me my heart was in my throat, but like yours it was not to reconcile. It was some logistical thing.

 

The best thing you can do is find a better chick and make this one a distant memory. Block her and never speak to her again. If not, she will happily string you along giving you false hope.

 

I feel for you brother - but it will get better.

 

It’s funny, because she had me blocked this whole time until recently. Yeah I did think all those moments of suffering were worth it, but I was wrong. You’re right on point.

[Jxmpy]

When an ex reaches out NEVER talk about the relationship. Ever.

 

It sucks man. I feel you .

 

Block and move on . In time you will feel better . Promise

 

I couldn’t help but talk about it. I wanted her back.

[Mac0908]

I couldn’t help but talk about it. I wanted her back.

 

This is the problem. She dumped you. Rejected you. Nobody should ever bring up getting back together except for her. She needed to earn another chance. She clearly doesn't want what you desire, therefore you must leave again. You don't want to be friends and that's that. Tell her what you want. Be a man.

[Jxmpy]

This is the problem. She dumped you. Rejected you. Nobody should ever bring up getting back together except for her. She needed to earn another chance. She clearly doesn't want what you desire, therefore you must leave again. You don't want to be friends and that's that. Tell her what you want. Be a man.

 

You’re right about that. She should be the one to talk about it, but it seems like it’s hopeless. Being the dumpee really does suck.

[Marc878]

Stay NC you'll get nothing but breadcrumbs and friend zoned

[Jxmpy]

Stay NC you'll get nothing but breadcrumbs and friend zoned

 

You’re absolutely right

[zombi24]

Don't reach out to her again. If she reaches out to you just tell her that you don't want to be friends with her, if she wants to try things again with you she can call, but other than that don't contact you.

 

Sounds harsh, sure, but sometimes you just have to lay down boundaries. Otherwise she'll just keep you around as a backup option.

[Young mind]

Unfortunately , your ex gf just played the power card once more, just to gain some self esteem back, how glad she must have been to know you were still hung up on her, but this isn't your loss my friend, believe me, you only showed your emotions and that's no fault of yours.

 

Do you now want to move on with your life?, or will you like to continue the unending waves of disappointment you're being served?.

 

Why not we celebrate something?,your graduation and great job, why not we celebrate the fact you achieved that even in one of the worst periods-breakup, most people completely shut down, others even go to extremes.

 

Finally, stop seeking validation from your ex-gf, you have your own beautiful life ahead, your ambitions are yours, not hers, you don't have to achieve anything for her but yourself, you get the rewards, bring people into your life who encourage you to succeed, definitely not your ex-gf !

[bluecastle]

So sorry to hear you're going through this.

 

Know, however, that your suffering was entirely worth it. You've looked deep into yourself, and you've grown. That will only continue. Sure, you hoped that growth would result in a different outcome with her, but the growth is what's important.

 

Let it guide you to the next chapter, fully, which means just cutting her out and letting go.

[Jxmpy]

Unfortunately , your ex gf just played the power card once more, just to gain some self esteem back, how glad she must have been to know you were still hung up on her, but this isn't your loss my friend, believe me, you only showed your emotions and that's no fault of yours.

 

Do you now want to move on with your life?, or will you like to continue the unending waves of disappointment you're being served?.

 

Why not we celebrate something?,your graduation and great job, why not we celebrate the fact you achieved that even in one of the worst periods-breakup, most people completely shut down, others even go to extremes.

 

Finally, stop seeking validation from your ex-gf, you have your own beautiful life ahead, your ambitions are yours, not hers, you don't have to achieve anything for her but yourself, you get the rewards, bring people into your life who encourage you to succeed, definitely not your ex-gf !

Very encouraging words. It’s hard not to seek validation from her, but I am trying my best to just be happy for myself and my own growth

[Jxmpy]

So sorry to hear you're going through this.

 

Know, however, that your suffering was entirely worth it. You've looked deep into yourself, and you've grown. That will only continue. Sure, you hoped that growth would result in a different outcome with her, but the growth is what's important.

 

Let it guide you to the next chapter, fully, which means just cutting her out and letting go.

 

You’re right. Despite the suffering, which was horrible, I have grown a lot and it can only get better from this point.

[CantTakeMySmile]

are you currently still maintaining contact with her?

[HumanMachine]

Have you blocked her yet?

[Jxmpy]

are you currently still maintaining contact with her?

 

Not really

[Jxmpy]

Have you blocked her yet?

 

No, I see that as petty

[1fish2fish]

No, I see that as petty

 

So what's going to happen the next time she needs an ego boost and contacts you?? Will you ignore her? Or will you get your hopes up, bring up your relationship to her again, and be set back in your healing?

 

Making your healing a priority is not being petty. Blocking her is to protect yourself so you don't have to go through this pain again.

[Mac0908]

Unfortunately , your ex gf just played the power card once more, just to gain some self esteem back, how glad she must have been to know you were still hung up on her, but this isn't your loss my friend, believe me, you only showed your emotions and that's no fault of yours.

 

Do you now want to move on with your life?, or will you like to continue the unending waves of disappointment you're being served?.

 

 

Absolutely. Insecure. Immature.

 

OP I'm not sure how old you are, but it seems you're young enough to learn from this awful experience so you'll be ok for rest of your 20's/30's. But at the end of the day, we're only human. We have emotions. 3 years is a long time. I've been there too and it was just a few months with someone who played a similar game.

 

I thought I had it all figured out, but even at 33, I made the same mistake he did. I let my emotions get the best of me and basically put myself back on a silver platter for a girl who previously blew me off when she showed me some attention. Take it from me, this never works. She has to flat out tell you she wants you back first before you give any kind of validation that you're still interested.

 

In any event, as noted above, girls who play games like this with breadcrumbs/looking for validation are typically the no good immature/insecure type. Again, I've been there. Go 100% no contact and if necessary tell her not to contact you again unless she's interested interested in meeting up and catching up, and if that day ever comes, she would have to come to YOU. In the meantime, you must move on like this is completely over. Go out and date new girls once healed.

Edited March 22, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[preraph]

Women are often fine just being friends with exes and nothing more. She probably thought after this long, you'd have moved on and not be vulnerable anymore, but you are, so she'd be wise to stop ever contacting you and you'd be wise to block her. She doesn't want to be with you. You're not what she's looking for, which is why she's still looking. Don't put yourself through that. Block her and get her out of your life so you can move on.

[HiCrunchy]

No, I see that as petty

 

If ur the dumpee, it isn't petty. It's self preservation.

[Jxmpy]

So what's going to happen the next time she needs an ego boost and contacts you?? Will you ignore her? Or will you get your hopes up, bring up your relationship to her again, and be set back in your healing?

 

Making your healing a priority is not being petty. Blocking her is to protect yourself so you don't have to go through this pain again.

 

She wanted to be on good terms. That's why she hit me up.

[Jxmpy]

Absolutely. Insecure. Immature. Attention wh-re.

 

OP I'm not sure how old you are, but it seems you're young enough to learn from this awful experience so you'll be ok for rest of your 20's/30's. But at the end of the day, we're only human. We have emotions. 3 years is a long time. I've been there too and it was just a few months with someone who played a similar game.

 

I thought I had it all figured out, but even at 33, I made the same mistake he did. I let my emotions get the best of me and basically put myself back on a silver platter for a girl who previously blew me off when she showed me some attention. Take it from me, this never works. She has to flat out tell you she wants you back first before you give any kind of validation that you're still interested.

 

In any event, as noted above, girls who play games like this with breadcrumbs/looking for validation are typically the no good immature/insecure type. Again, I've been there. Go 100% no contact and if necessary tell her not to contact you again unless she's interested interested in meeting up and catching up, and if that day ever comes, she would have to come to YOU. In the meantime, you must move on like this is completely over. Go out and date new girls once healed.

 

Im 23. The reason she hit me up, was because she wanted to be on good terms. She blindsided me in the beginning and never talked to me since. She felt bad and wanted to be friendly.

[SevenCity]

She wanted to be on good terms. That's why she hit me up.

 

No, she wanted it to be on HER terms.

 

The terms are only good for her, they suck for you.

 

Women don't like when people hate them so they want to patch things up so they don't. They also don't like to feel guilt so as long as you are ok being friends she's done no harm in her eyes.

 

The best thing you can do is dissapear like a ninja. Not only will it help you, but it will make her realize what it means to be broken up. Right now you are giving her everything she needs and you are getting nothing in return.