Begging boyfriend to stay?

[love.sick.101]

Last night my boyfriend and I went out for drinks with his friends. This was my first time meeting them all. Anyways prior to this my bf and I got into a fight and as a result when i showed up at the bar I sort of gave him the cold shoulder. I understand I was wrong but when we fight I become anxious and I like things to be solved ASAP. Because we were meeting his friends we couldn't talk and as a result I was cold to him for the first 30 mins. I then calmed down and started acting my usual self by hugging and kissing him. After we left we got into a huge fight because he believes that I was being disrespectful in front of his friends by not acknowledging him, though I was being discrete.

 

He broke up with me. I called him 50 times and I guess you can say i begged him to stay. He agreed, however he said he does not want to be wirh me but he is because im forcing it and because I said i would never behave that way again. He told me im on probation and to get my **** together or he is out for good.

 

I'm upset he is talking to me this way and when i expressed how disrespectful he was being, he basically told me again that it's over and to just leave him alone.

 

I don't know what to do. I understand my behaviour was unacceptable but i have apologized cried and expressed how much he means to me.

 

Everytime he breaks up with me over a mistake I go crawling back crying and now i feel like crap about myself.

 

Any advice ?

[love.sick.101]

Last night my boyfriend and I went out for drinks with his friends. This was my first time meeting them all. Anyways prior to this my bf and I got into a fight and as a result when i showed up at the bar I sort of gave him the cold shoulder. I understand I was wrong but when we fight I become anxious and I like things to be solved ASAP. Because we were meeting his friends we couldn't talk and as a result I was cold to him for the first 30 mins. I then calmed down and started acting my usual self by hugging and kissing him. After we left we got into a huge fight because he believes that I was being disrespectful in front of his friends by not acknowledging him, though I was being discrete.*

 

He broke up with me. I called him 50 times and I guess you can say i begged him to stay. He agreed, however he said he does not want to be wirh me but he is because im forcing it and because I said i would never behave that way again. He told me im on probation and to get my **** together or he is out for good.

 

I'm upset he is talking to me this way and when i expressed how disrespectful he was being, he basically told me again that it's over and to just leave him alone.

 

I don't know what to do. I understand my behaviour was unacceptable but i have apologized cried and expressed how much he means to me.*

 

Everytime he breaks up with me over a mistake I go crawling back crying and now i feel like crap about myself.*

 

Any advice ?

[Mr.Me]

Do you really want to be with a guy who have to beg and plead to stay or would you rather be with one that wants to stay on his on accord?

[love.sick.101]

Last night my boyfriend and I went out for drinks with his friends. This was my first time meeting them all. Anyways prior to this my bf and I got into a fight and as a result when i showed up at the bar I sort of gave him the cold shoulder. I understand I was wrong but when we fight I become anxious and I like things to be solved ASAP. Because we were meeting his friends we couldn't talk and as a result I was cold to him for the first 30 mins. I then calmed down and started acting my usual self by hugging and kissing him. After we left we got into a huge fight because he believes that I was being disrespectful in front of his friends by not acknowledging him, though I was being discrete.*

 

He broke up with me. I called him 50 times and I guess you can say i begged him to stay. He agreed, however he said he does not want to be wirh me but he is because im forcing it and because I said i would never behave that way again. He told me im on probation and to get my **** together or he is out for good.

 

I'm upset he is talking to me this way and when i expressed how disrespectful he was being, he basically told me again that it's over and to just leave him alone.

 

I don't know what to do. I understand my behaviour was unacceptable but i have apologized cried and expressed how much he means to me.*

 

Everytime he breaks up with me over a mistake I go crawling back crying and now i feel like crap about myself.*

 

Any advice ?

[stillafool]

You've already lost all your power in this relationship by not telling him how you expect to be treated without silly games and being direct. Men will respect you when you tell them what you want and don't settle for less. He has now told you he wants to break up but will do you a favor by giving you a probation period. In other words, he expects you to now walk on eggshells to please him. You will never get your power back. Just move on.

[PRW]

The behavor from both of you is messed up. You're like two brats arguing over which one of you stuck their tongue out at the other one first.

 

You need to get away from each other. Both of you need to causally date other people without being "outcome focused" and worrying about if the person is "The One" or if it will "become a relationship". This will teach you both the social skills and the dating skills you need to put this crap to bed. If you come back to each other later in the future, then fine, maybe you'll both be better equipped by then.

[stillafool]

OP, why do you have 3 threads going asking the same question? You'll get more responses with one thread. The monitors will probably merge the two.

[PegNosePete]

he basically told me again that it's over and to just leave him alone.

 

I don't know what to do

He has told you what he wants, quite plainly and clearly. It is over. You need to just leave him alone.

 

Everytime he breaks up with me over a mistake I go crawling back crying and now i feel like crap about myself.*

 

Any advice ?

Yes. You can learn from this, to help in your next relationship.

 

First, what "mistakes" are you making and why are you making them? You should learn from your mistakes and not repeat them.

 

Second, don't go crawling back to someone who has broken up with you. When someone breaks up it means they don't want a relationship any more. If they were willing to forgive your mistake they would not break up; they would talk like a reasonable human being. Breaking up means "I don't want to fix the problems in the relationship, I want to end it".

 

Third, don't do ANYTHING that makes you feel crap about yourself! Have some self respect!

Edited March 16, 2018 by PegNosePete

[BaileyB]

There is no doubt that your behavior was quite immature and unacceptable. There is also no doubt that this relationship is quite unhealthy... relationships where people break up and make up, constantly fighting for power tend to be very unhealthy relationships.

 

Would I stay with a man who tells me that he will continue to date me, but I am on PROBATION - not a chance. That is so disrespectful, there are no words. If you have any kind of self respect, you will tell him that you are walking away...

[d0nnivain]

You need to improve your conflict resolution skills. Getting anxious doesn't work. Demanding that something be resolved ASAP is counter productive. Sometimes people need to simmer down. When you try to resolve stuff when tempers are flaring you make everything worse. Learn to let people cool off. Understand the silent treatment aggravates a situation. If you are in such a foul mood that you can't be civil, stay home. Don't act out in front of others.

 

 

Everytime he breaks up with me over a mistake I go crawling back crying and now i feel like crap about myself.

 

Any advice ?

 

 

I quoted the above because my advice about conflict resolution notwithstanding it's the crux of your problem. You are just now meeting the guy's friends so this must be a relatively new relationship yet you wrote that every time he breaks up with you . . . meaning that you two have already broken up before. For Pete's sake, get off that merry go round. Especially in the honeymoon stage you should not have multiple break ups. I could understand one break up but the minute you have a 2nd break up it needs to be permanent. I lived with a guy for 10 years; dated him for 12. We broke up once. I've been with my husband for 12 years married for 10; we have never broken up. Learn to resolve your issues through communication, love & understanding. Repeatedly breaking up & then making up without learning how to permanently sustain a healthy, loving, nurturing relationship is dysfunctional.

[William]

Due to a report moderation merged three threads on a similar topic and we'll direct members to continue discussion of that topic in this thread. There may be some duplicate and/or overlapping content. Thanks!