JDJ Posted March 13, 2018 Share Posted March 13, 2018 Hi all, I posted on this a little while back and received some very helpful advice. But I did not get any direct comments on the thing I was most curious about, so I am trying again in a different part of the forums. I made a complete NC break from my Ex after my divorce going on 15 years ago. I hadn't heard from her at all in 14 years. As I posted earlier, a few months ago she e-mailed me to ask for a copy of our divorce decree so she could marry again. I sent her that. Then again, 5-6 weeks ago, she just e-mailed to ask "How are you?", which I never replied to. My birthday recently passed, and I found myself wondering if she was going to write again then. What do you think? Now that she resurfaced, would she be likely to continue to "ping" me periodically? Or is this a one-time thing? I am curious about what others with reappearing exes have experienced. Link to post Share on other sites
bluecastle Posted March 13, 2018 Share Posted March 13, 2018 No one knows the answer to this. The important question is: Do you want her to ping you? She's getting married again, so I'd imagine what she's expressing is simply a friendly interest in your life, how you're doing, and so forth. If you're ready for that kind of relationship, great; if not, I'd stick with NC and the pings will likely stop. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 13, 2018 Share Posted March 13, 2018 She needed something & it was most expedient to get it from you. She's getting remarried. There is no reason to stay in touch with you. Why do you want contact again now, after more then a decade? If you want her back, that ship sailed. Please don't say you have "romantic" notions of showing up at her upcoming wedding & objecting. If there ever comes another time when she needs something from you, she may reach out again. But I doubt routine communication is in the cards after all this time. Her new husband doesn't want you in the picture. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JDJ Posted March 13, 2018 Author Share Posted March 13, 2018 Sorry, I guess I am leaving out too much from my earlier thread. No, I do not want her to contact me at all. She was the one who reached out to me a second time after the business-like request for divorce papers. Once too many for my taste. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted March 13, 2018 Share Posted March 13, 2018 Sorry, I guess I am leaving out too much from my earlier thread. No, I do not want her to contact me at all. She was the one who reached out to me a second time after the business-like request for divorce papers. Once too many for my taste. Then block her. There is no need to sit there and keep guessing, especially if contact is not welcomed. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JDJ Posted March 13, 2018 Author Share Posted March 13, 2018 Hi Zahara, Cannot really block, since this contact is coming via my publicly available e-mail. I can send her e-mail straight to the junk folder, but she could use another e-mail address. I am most interested in the usual pattern others have seen with exes that resurface like this, so I can get an idea of what to expect. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted March 13, 2018 Share Posted March 13, 2018 (edited) Hi Zahara, Cannot really block, since this contact is coming via my publicly available e-mail. I can send her e-mail straight to the junk folder, but she could use another e-mail address. I am most interested in the usual pattern others have seen with exes that resurface like this, so I can get an idea of what to expect. Yes, send her email to the junk folder. I think now that you ignored her "how are you" message, she'll get the hint. I don't think she is going to create another email address to get to you. I have had ex-boyfriends resurface. Usually, it's out of curiosity, the need to alleviate guilt, the need to be friendly, hook-up, etc. My ex-husband resurfaced three years after our divorce claiming to still love me. We got over that hurdle and moved on and remained cordial with each other. We wish each other - birthdays, holidays, etc. A decade later, I recently found out he married again and I congratulated him, we spoke and am very happy for him. If you don't want contact from her, ignore her attempts. She was just being polite after you sent her the divorce decree. Edited March 13, 2018 by Zahara Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted March 13, 2018 Share Posted March 13, 2018 I read your past threads. Based on her previous actions and how she treated you, I now have to wonder if she's fishing. This is her 4th husband and she's cheated before? Doesn't seem like she has much grasp of what commitment means. I'm sorry you're still negatively affected by her. The only thing you can do is keep sending her to your spam folder and ignore her. Hopefully she leaves you alone. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author JDJ Posted March 13, 2018 Author Share Posted March 13, 2018 Thanks Zahara! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 13, 2018 Share Posted March 13, 2018 Now knowing more about the back story, I think you were quite gracious to give her the divorce decree. Since you have no interest in continued contact, simply don't respond when she reaches out. Eventually unless she needs something else concrete (like another copy of your divorce decree) she will fade away again. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CantTakeMySmile Posted March 13, 2018 Share Posted March 13, 2018 In my experience, every single ex has come back at some point, up to ten plus years later. WIth the advent of social media, it has become th normal for me. Link to post Share on other sites
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