duhman70 Posted March 12, 2018 Share Posted March 12, 2018 This situation is really weird. So, my ex that broke up with me over 5 years ago and I immediately went into nc with after finding out she started dating some rebound guy sent me a Linkedin request out of the blue. I thought at first it must've been an accident cause I am aware there's a mass request feature on the site. After waiting for over 10 days I decided to just accept it thinking she'll probably just remove me or something. Instead she starts following me a few hours later... I didn't think this would bother me so much after 5 years but this little bit of contact has messed me up. I just want to know why she sent it after this long, we don't work in the same field so it's not like she wants endorsements or job opportunities. I feel like I'd be less confused if it was a fb request, which I'm still blocked on. I want to message her but I realize that'd probably do more bad than good so if anyone has any sort of Ideas or Thoughts I'd love to hear them. Trying to figure out where to go from here is awful. Also, in case it helps with any responses, her birthday is tomorrow so I don't know if that had something to do with the request... Link to post Share on other sites
marky00 Posted March 12, 2018 Share Posted March 12, 2018 I had an ex send me a LinkedIn request about 15 years later. It was no mistake because I then started getting Facebook messages etc. We'll never know why they do it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
healing light Posted March 12, 2018 Share Posted March 12, 2018 Is it the same as it was before? Where it emails everyone who was ever on your contact list? I still get those from people I know that I'm sure aren't specific to me. I could see where maybe that happened and then since she wasn't opposed to the idea of being connected to you, she followed you back? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author duhman70 Posted March 12, 2018 Author Share Posted March 12, 2018 Yup, it still has that feature. But within a day of accepting her I got a message saying "she followed me" on the site too. I don't use Linkedin as much as I should but it appears that even if the request was an accident the following was not. Link to post Share on other sites
Author duhman70 Posted March 12, 2018 Author Share Posted March 12, 2018 Lol, well she hasn't sent me anything else yet and I'm not looking forward to 10 more years of FB requests and unsure about messaging... Link to post Share on other sites
CantTakeMySmile Posted March 12, 2018 Share Posted March 12, 2018 It doesn't matter why Link to post Share on other sites
HiCrunchy Posted March 12, 2018 Share Posted March 12, 2018 My dear it is just a LinkedIn request. Take it as it is, nothing more 2 Link to post Share on other sites
marky00 Posted March 12, 2018 Share Posted March 12, 2018 My dear it is just a LinkedIn request. Take it as it is, nothing more not always that simple. An ex who I hadn't heard from for 15 years popped up on my LinkedIn stating she had view my profile. Then over the next year or so, she would pop up in other locations like Facebook etc and message me directly asking me how I was etc. I had another ex confess to me years later she stalked my profiles for several years. It doesn't amount to much but it proves they do think about you. OP, your gut is usually right and if this has happened after 5 years, she probably has had a snoop around some of your profiles. There is a lot of scorned dumpees on this site who just say their dumper thinks they are trash etc and surely they couldn't be thinking about them. That helps them move on but is isn't always the total truth. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CantTakeMySmile Posted March 12, 2018 Share Posted March 12, 2018 I definitely agree that they are thinking about you, but I don’t think it means anything. I think about exes that I didn’t even care that much for and have looked at their social media but it is not stalking. It is curiousity or most of the time boredom. I have even looked at people from high school who I didn’t really know. Means nothing. I guess I had to think of them in order to look at them, but that was the extent. OP, what do you want it to mean? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
marky00 Posted March 13, 2018 Share Posted March 13, 2018 I definitely agree that they are thinking about you, but I don’t think it means anything. I think about exes that I didn’t even care that much for and have looked at their social media but it is not stalking. It is curiousity or most of the time boredom. I have even looked at people from high school who I didn’t really know. Means nothing. I guess I had to think of them in order to look at them, but that was the extent. OP, what do you want it to mean? You are over complicating this. It means they are thinking about you (the dumpee). No one in this thread has said that means a genuine desire for a reconciliation. Not even the OP. As for my Ex, she used the words "stalking" when i bumped in to her 10 years later. She said it with a smile, like almost in a playful way and I really do think she was checking my social media because she wanted to, not just some bored/random moment. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author duhman70 Posted March 13, 2018 Author Share Posted March 13, 2018 not always that simple. An ex who I hadn't heard from for 15 years popped up on my LinkedIn stating she had view my profile. Then over the next year or so, she would pop up in other locations like Facebook etc and message me directly asking me how I was etc. I had another ex confess to me years later she stalked my profiles for several years. It doesn't amount to much but it proves they do think about you. OP, your gut is usually right and if this has happened after 5 years, she probably has had a snoop around some of your profiles. There is a lot of scorned dumpees on this site who just say their dumper thinks they are trash etc and surely they couldn't be thinking about them. That helps them move on but is isn't always the total truth. Yeah, that helped me move on somewhat but I always held a lot of resentment and bad feelings until I did some introspection and found my own flaws that lead to the downfall of the relationship. Don't get me wrong though, how she handled the breakup was ****ty but I was pretty ****ty too. Wish I realized it before. Honestly, I think about her a lot and would love to message her but after how I was rejected and treated 5 years ago I can't do that. I hope I'll get into your situation eventually and to a point where I can just be more stable whenever the time comes. Seeing her actively interact with me released a flood of emotions which is terrible to say cause it was such a minor act on her part lol. Link to post Share on other sites
Author duhman70 Posted March 13, 2018 Author Share Posted March 13, 2018 I definitely agree that they are thinking about you, but I don’t think it means anything. I think about exes that I didn’t even care that much for and have looked at their social media but it is not stalking. It is curiousity or most of the time boredom. I have even looked at people from high school who I didn’t really know. Means nothing. I guess I had to think of them in order to look at them, but that was the extent. OP, what do you want it to mean? I definitely know she cared about me at one point since it was each our first relationship, it lasted a few years but it ended HORRIBLY. She was my bestfriend and it sucks to have lost someone that close. It still bothers me how it ended and after growing as a person and maturing I want to apologize for my own shortcomings and ****ty things I did when we were both together. I said it before though, I can't ever initiate that convo but I would welcome it to happen. I just don't think it'll turn out the way I'd want either but part of me would feel better I'd imagine. I'd love to be friends with her again but I don't think I'll be able to stand seeing her with other partners despite myself even having a gf currently. Feels weird. Ultimately, I'm not too sure what I want this little request even to mean. I dont know how I can handle it after this reaction. Too much excitement, disappointment, and other variables that can turn out negatively. Link to post Share on other sites
Author duhman70 Posted March 13, 2018 Author Share Posted March 13, 2018 You are over complicating this. It means they are thinking about you (the dumpee). No one in this thread has said that means a genuine desire for a reconciliation. Not even the OP. As for my Ex, she used the words "stalking" when i bumped in to her 10 years later. She said it with a smile, like almost in a playful way and I really do think she was checking my social media because she wanted to, not just some bored/random moment. Well I'd love reconciliation but not so much getting back together, at least right now while I'm in a pretty good relationship. To be able to be friendly to her again and to have her just reciprocate that would be wonderful, at least I'd hope. I'm trying to stay realistic and logical reminding myself "****'ll turn bad boy!" but the emotional side of me wants that gratification of talking after so long and the hope of something positive will come of it, despite my probable inability to do it. Posting here is helping the logical side win over the emotions while my brain is this clouded. Last thing I'd want to do is look stupid/crazy in front of her again. Link to post Share on other sites
marky00 Posted March 13, 2018 Share Posted March 13, 2018 Well I'd love reconciliation but not so much getting back together, at least right now while I'm in a pretty good relationship. To be able to be friendly to her again and to have her just reciprocate that would be wonderful, at least I'd hope. I'm trying to stay realistic and logical reminding myself "****'ll turn bad boy!" but the emotional side of me wants that gratification of talking after so long and the hope of something positive will come of it, despite my probable inability to do it. Posting here is helping the logical side win over the emotions while my brain is this clouded. Last thing I'd want to do is look stupid/crazy in front of her again. I hear you man. I'm in a similar situation with an Ex who ended things in 2015. We have had no contact for almost 2 years, although she did send me about a dozen SMS messages and emails last year. Even though, I know I wasn't perfect and I have owned my wrongs regarding the relationship, the way she ended things was just so bad, I can't seem to get myself past that. I have pretty much built up the great wall of China and unless she wants to really climb over the top of it to make peace, I can't see myself breaking rank on account of a few bricks being removed. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CantTakeMySmile Posted March 13, 2018 Share Posted March 13, 2018 You are over complicating this. It means they are thinking about you (the dumpee). No one in this thread has said that means a genuine desire for a reconciliation. Not even the OP. Not over complicating anything... was attempting to not complicate things by not attaching meaning to a simple action. I also did not suggest that this means a genuine desire for reconciliation. Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted March 13, 2018 Share Posted March 13, 2018 It could be really benign and mean nothing. Maybe she thinks enough time has passed that there is no bad blood, ect. Or it could be a feeler she is sending out to see if she can work her way up to more contact. The fact that you don't work in the same field makes me think this is a feeler she sent out. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
marky00 Posted March 13, 2018 Share Posted March 13, 2018 Not over complicating anything... was attempting to not complicate things by not attaching meaning to a simple action. I also did not suggest that this means a genuine desire for reconciliation. It seems your confusing meaning with something that must lead to reconciliation or that meaning is from a deep emotional place. And if it's not the above, your saying it must mean nothing at all. That just sounds like the position taken by a scorned dumpee, often applied to get over a breakup. Which is fine if it helps one move on but that doesn't make it 100 per cent true. Humans are complicated and even simple actions can have hidden meanings behind them. The trick is to not play Sherlock Holmes and try to figure out what those hidden meanings are. That's why dumpees are told to not respond to breadcrumbs etc. I would simply say that the Ex was thinking about the OP to lead to that event. Full stop. Going into what level of "meaning" it has complicates things. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author duhman70 Posted March 14, 2018 Author Share Posted March 14, 2018 It could be really benign and mean nothing. Maybe she thinks enough time has passed that there is no bad blood, ect. Or it could be a feeler she is sending out to see if she can work her way up to more contact. The fact that you don't work in the same field makes me think this is a feeler she sent out. I feel that it's a "feeler" too. I mean I work in the entertainment industry while she's in law. The two are pretty foreign to each other so her sending that out a linkedin request is useless to her. Just wonder what comes after the "feeler", or if one will come. I feel like it will but ofc I thought she'd message me a lot sooner than +5 years. Link to post Share on other sites
Author duhman70 Posted March 14, 2018 Author Share Posted March 14, 2018 It seems your confusing meaning with something that must lead to reconciliation or that meaning is from a deep emotional place. And if it's not the above, your saying it must mean nothing at all. That just sounds like the position taken by a scorned dumpee, often applied to get over a breakup. Which is fine if it helps one move on but that doesn't make it 100 per cent true. Humans are complicated and even simple actions can have hidden meanings behind them. The trick is to not play Sherlock Holmes and try to figure out what those hidden meanings are. That's why dumpees are told to not respond to breadcrumbs etc. I would simply say that the Ex was thinking about the OP to lead to that event. Full stop. Going into what level of "meaning" it has complicates things. It's been so long I actually forgot about the term breadcrumbs. I just never got them from her! This whole thing has made me complicated with trying to find this dumb meaning, but I sure hope her thought wasn't "ehhh, I guess I'll add him for ****s and giggles". I mean, I was contemplating whether just to look at her page just that linkedin in would alert her I did so it might initiate something from her like a message. That's just way too specific though for something so minor, like a rube goldberg machine lol. I ultimately didn't do it cause of course she could just see it as "ah, I knew you'd want to peep at my page." No need to gratify her, I'll just stay silent and continue letting her come to me like she's done. That's of course if she would even care, don't know. I feel like most people would get an ego boost though in that situation. Link to post Share on other sites
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