shuttlefly Posted March 10, 2018 Share Posted March 10, 2018 I have been with my gf for 6 years. 5 of which were long-distance. We live 6 hours away from each other and would travel to each other once or twice a month. We would also always spend weeks of vacations together. We tried moving in together in her city for about 1 year but I couldn't find a job there. This 1 year of living together was bittersweet. Although we had many quarrels (partly because I was jobless), the feeling of finally having a home together was warm and beautiful. However, because of financial constraints and not wanting to live off her, I took up a job in my city and moved back. Before I move away, we agreed that she would move to me late this year, after her work contract ends. I'm financially more stable and was willing to be the breadwinner for as long as she needs to find a job in my city. I was even planning to propose to her in summer... However, things seem to have changed this year. Every time I talked about our plans of moving in together this year, she avoids the topic completely. Eventually, I asked her if she was still willing to move to me. She admitted she was unsure and was afraid that we would not get along well after we move in together... I told her not to worry. We will make it right together, but I need her to commit. I am really tired of living apart and I really want to move our relationship to the next stage. I told her I need her to give me an answer... it has been 6 years and i am don't want to be in an aimless relationship anymore... Yesterday she finally told me no, she is not ready. I asked her what she wanted, or what could I do so that she may feel more comfortable. All she said was "I don't know." She said she still loves me a lot and there is no 3rd party - i trust her. Seeing that we are going nowhere, I suggested we should let our relationship slowly die off and suggested No Contact. To which she said "ok". I'm heartbroken. Was I pressuring her too much? What would you do if you were in my shoes? Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted March 10, 2018 Share Posted March 10, 2018 If I was in your shoes, I'd walk away. 5 years long distance is about 4 years too long. Add the fighting when you were together and her not being willing to risk moving because of that (which is entirely fair), I guess you're at a stalemate. How old are you both? Link to post Share on other sites
Author shuttlefly Posted March 10, 2018 Author Share Posted March 10, 2018 If I was in your shoes, I'd walk away. 5 years long distance is about 4 years too long. Add the fighting when you were together and her not being willing to risk moving because of that (which is entirely fair), I guess you're at a stalemate. How old are you both? I am 30 and she is 35. Link to post Share on other sites
rickwman Posted March 13, 2018 Share Posted March 13, 2018 Maybe she experienced too many negatives when you both first lived together. Maybe she wants a firmer committment, i.e. marriage. Maybe she's afraid that if you both live together and it doesn't work out, arguments continue, etc. that she'll feel stuck. Any other 'red flags' that you or her are not recognizing or addressing? Give her space, time and see what develops. Keep busy with other activities, hopefully that will include opportunities to give to others. Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted March 13, 2018 Share Posted March 13, 2018 Whether or not you thought the quarreling was normal, she probably did not and has concerns about it. I tend to agree with her. Relationships shouldn’t be that much work. She’s not sure about you and there’s no need to keep pushing this. Something is wrong with it in her mind. I’m really sorry. I know it hurts a lot. What I don’t understand is why you talk about being on the verge of breaking up with her. Not seeing one another and no contact sounds like a break-up to me. Link to post Share on other sites
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