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Ex wants to see me to put a clean end to our relationship


Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

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Old 8th March 2018, 5:58 PM   #1
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Ex wants to see me to put a clean end to our relationship

We were having problems since a long time ago, I love him and he says he loves me more than anyone but sadly our relationship was toxic, we have personal issues that need to be resolved before entering to any relationship. I have anxiety and bad self esteem and he has a bad temper and other things. Last sunday we got into a fight (I admit it was my fault because I was drunk) so he broke up with me over a text call. He said no contact and then runaway for a week to his boss house (he lives in a desert beach) because he wanted to be alone. He wants to see me next week to talk because he believes our relationship was too important for such a low ending. I do not know what to do, part of me thinks it will give me some peace because I will like to apologize and say than you for all the things he did to me but the other part of me is scared of getting more hurt if I see him in person. Could you give me some advice, please.
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Old 8th March 2018, 6:02 PM   #2
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You don't have to decide now. Simply reply with "I'm not sure what I will be comfortable with. I will let you know next week"

See how you feel in a few days and make a decision then. Also, you don't have to see him in person to apologise for your behaviour.
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Old 8th March 2018, 6:10 PM   #3
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You don't have to decide now. Simply reply with "I'm not sure what I will be comfortable with. I will let you know next week"

See how you feel in a few days and make a decision then. Also, you don't have to see him in person to apologise for your behaviour.
Yes, i already apologized a little by text but i think in person will be more personal. He was very important in my life, he help me a lot so i will like to at least stay in good terms but thanks, i will see how i feel in this days.
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Old 8th March 2018, 6:24 PM   #4
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Yes, i already apologized a little by text but i think in person will be more personal. He was very important in my life, he help me a lot so i will like to at least stay in good terms but thanks, i will see how i feel in this days.
Or even in a month or two. Do only what you're comfortable with.
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Old 8th March 2018, 6:41 PM   #5
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You guys can do that by phone.
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Old 8th March 2018, 8:50 PM   #6
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Last sunday we got into a fight (I admit it was my fault because I was drunk) Could you give me some advice, please.
How do you feel about "no alcohol" for 30 days??
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Old 9th March 2018, 8:40 AM   #7
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Show up. Hear him out. Walk away.


You already know that you are in no place to reconcile. You have to fix your self esteem & manage your anxiety before you can have a relationship with anybody including him. Nothing he says or does at this "closure meeting" will change that. He needs to get a handle on his bad temper. No matter what he says, that has not been fixed in a week.


From your perspective this meeting is meaningless because it has no ability to change reality. Since it's of no consequence to you, go because once upon a time your EX was important to you & by hearing him out you are being polite & kind. You can never go wrong in life by doing that. Also it will enable you to hold your head up high & walk away from a toxic situation with dignity, something that will go far toward developing self esteem.


Best wishes as you struggle to get a handle on yourself.
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Old 9th March 2018, 12:24 PM   #8
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If you think that talking to him will help you heal, go for it. If you think you're just going to be causing yourself unnecessary pain for ultimately no reason, I would seriously consider having this conversation over the phone.

Ultimately, if you know the relationship is toxic, or you're not in a good place to be in a relationship with anyone, don't go back no matter how much your heart wants to. If you feel like an in person conversation is what you need to do... just have the conversation, wish him luck, and GTFO.
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Old 9th March 2018, 12:34 PM   #9
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There is no clean ending to a relationship that ties everything in a bow and leaves no hurt feelings on either side. Just know that going into a meeting with him. I don't really think you owe it to him because he is probably just wanting to do this for his peace of mind. It's about you, so you have to decide what you want to get out of this.

Really sit down and decide what exactly you hope to get out of this meeting. Decide what you want out of this before you commit to seeing him.
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Old 9th March 2018, 1:27 PM   #10
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Thanks all for your replies, Yesterday I started therapy so it will help me with my inner problems, I still cry a lot because of course I miss him and i wish things had worked. I guess I will go to see him to have a little of piece. I will thank him for the good things, say sorry for the times that I hurt him and also to tell him that I wish him the best, that I do no hold grudges. Then I will tell him that I need no contact for at least some months, do you think it would be a good idea to contact him in the future? Our relationship was pretty intense but sadly we are both toxic people, he also wants to change his bad habits.
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Old 9th March 2018, 1:28 PM   #11
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Thanks all for your replies, Yesterday I started therapy so it will help me with my inner problems, I still cry a lot because of course I miss him and i wish things had worked. I guess I will go to see him to have a little of piece. I will thank him for the good things, say sorry for the times that I hurt him and also to tell him that I wish him the best, that I do no hold grudges. Then I will tell him that I need no contact for at least some months, do you think it would be a good idea to contact him in the future? Our relationship was pretty intense but sadly we are both toxic people, he also wants to change his bad habits.
***a little of peace, sorry.
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Old 9th March 2018, 2:56 PM   #12
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Originally Posted by Michaela16 View Post
Thanks all for your replies, Yesterday I started therapy so it will help me with my inner problems, I still cry a lot because of course I miss him and i wish things had worked. I guess I will go to see him to have a little of piece. I will thank him for the good things, say sorry for the times that I hurt him and also to tell him that I wish him the best, that I do no hold grudges. Then I will tell him that I need no contact for at least some months, do you think it would be a good idea to contact him in the future? Our relationship was pretty intense but sadly we are both toxic people, he also wants to change his bad habits.


I think it is too early to determine what you should do in the future. Let it happen organically.
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Old 10th March 2018, 12:28 PM   #13
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if you were drunk and he was in a temper then who is to say it is even over? he broke up with you over a text so maybe he had something on his mind or something.

about the toxic relationship though - some people are quite happy being with someone toxic. there is no perfect relationship. the little moments of joy that he brings you might be all you ever need. like you could meet the perfect gentleman but if there is no spark there is no spark.

well done on going to the therapy. i hope it works out for you. let us know how you get on with the meeting.
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Old 10th March 2018, 4:18 PM   #14
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Why does this break up doesn't feel like a break up?

We were together for 1 year, i became very dependent on him but sadly we are both toxic people, he is manipulative and have bad temper while I am needy and have bad self esteem. We had a big fight last Sunday mostly because I was tired of all the problems (not just with him but also my family and other things)so he broke up with me and then he left to his friendīs house to be alone and have some peace. This week has been hard but we spoke today over the phone and it was like when we were together, we talked for 1 hour and he says he doesn't want to erase me from his life and that he still believes than in the future when we will be better with ourselves (I started therapy this week to fix my self esteem and cut the emotional dependence) we could be together.

He said that we should leave some time with no contact since we just broke up a week ago and I suggested 1 month to heal myself but it was all super friendly and we still love each other a lot but right now we have a lot of problems around us and of course we keep hurting each other. But I do not know what will happen after this month (he also said that it could be less time) and I do not want to get my hopes up.
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