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Things to do after first meet-up with ex girlfriend?


Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

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Old 1st March 2018, 8:10 PM   #1
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Ex girlfriend still in contact with me (I want her back)

This is going to be a long post and Im sorry but thank you for taking the time to read it. My girlfriend broke up with me a month and a half ago. She said she didn't know what she wants right now, needs time and space, and didn't know if breaking up or staying together was right. After she broke up with me I apologized a week later for my wrongdoings that I only realized until after the breakup.

She said:
"You don't need to be sorry it wasn't anything you did, it was how I'm feeling. Couples breakup and get back together all the time. I just need this space right now and if it was meant to be it was meant to be and if it wasn't we will move on"

It was a really good relationship but there were some things that we both could have done better and now I realized the problems that occurred on my part and wish I could go back and fix them. I was selfish, controlling, and insecure and at the time I didn't see that. She never gave me a finite answer for breaking up with me but I believe this was a huge part. Throughout the month without her I've been bettering my life, not for her but for me. I can already tell I'm not as insecure as I was and am getting more confidant.

She has remained in contact with me however I have initiated more contact than she has. Iv'e recently been initiating contact less than before and have noticed that if I don't text her for a few days I hear from her. Usually she goes 4-5 days before our last text to send out another one. They are usually really short conversations. The other day she texted me and we had a little conversation about our work. At 2:30 AM I saw a text from her saying "I'm sorry we didn't workout" and I knew it was late and she was definitely drunk so I responded in the morning saying "You don't need to be sorry.

Ive learned alot from this and understand why it had to end this way so don't be sorry". Then she didn't text back. A few days later we had a another conversation and she texted me like 3 times saying she's drunk. We ended up talking a little bit and getting sarcastic with each other and joking around she sarcastically called me "butthole". She is the type of person who is more honest when she is drunk and she has told me that before.
I'm just super confused here.

Why does she remain in contact and why does she open up when she's drunk? Is it just the nostalgia? I don't want to go no contact because in my situation this girl would see it as me ignoring her on purpose and would think I moved on.

So where could I go from here?

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Old 1st March 2018, 8:25 PM   #2
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If you want her to realize that she made a mistake and there's any hope of here coming back, then you must ignore her and tell that if you two are not going to be together in a relationship, that you can't "just" be friends with her. That is what you are right now. You're not giving her a chance to really miss you and figure out if she did make a mistake. Staying in contact and "chatting' will get you nowhere fast.

Look, I know it's hard but I've learned that you need to stop giving them attention. They broke up with you instead of trying to work things out. They no longer should get attention from you. SHE broke up. We've all done some things wrong that we wish we could do better at. Show those improvements for the next girlfriend. Again, stop giving her attention and being her friend because you can't win her back that way. 100% guarantee.

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Old 1st March 2018, 8:32 PM   #3
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Again, stop giving her attention and being her friend because you can't win her back that way. 100% guarantee.
You make a good point there and to be honest im leaning towards that. Should I straight up tell her next time she contacts me that I can't talk to her unless she changes her mind. I really do need to focus on moving on because if I don't I might never get over her
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Old 1st March 2018, 9:11 PM   #4
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Tread lightly my friend. You know her. If you think going no contact will push her away and thatís not what you want, think it through. I impulsively went no contact and probably ruined any chance of a reconciliation. I returned our things before she was ready bc I needed closure and didnít like limbo. I think she was on the fence until I helped her make her decision. At the end of the day, you are responsible for your actions. Good luck and Iím glad youíre still hearing from her.
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Old 2nd March 2018, 1:50 AM   #5
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She wants to hang on to a piece of you and be nice to you to ease her guilt. This behavior has nothing to do with her wanting to get back together with you.
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Old 2nd March 2018, 3:33 AM   #6
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What does her new boyfriend think about her still being in contact with her ex?

You might not think there is a new boyfriend. But there is. I promise you, there is. There has been someone else in the picture since before she dumped you...
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"Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so."
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Old 2nd March 2018, 3:46 AM   #7
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Take any drunken contact with a gigantic boulder of salt.

If she contacts you while she is sober, let her know that you would love to talk about reconciliation but to please not contact you unless that is what she wants to discuss. Otherwise, you're setting yourself up for major disappointment if she keeps up the friendly banter to distract her until she finds your replacement.
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Old 2nd March 2018, 6:32 AM   #8
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She's not confused. She is just saying that because she is one of those people who can't bear to hurt someone's feelings & saying she's confused or that she wants space seems like softening the blow.

NC is NOT about manipulating her into missing you & therefore wanting you back. Yes, she will think you have moved on but that is the whole point of NC, to enable you the dumpee to do exactly that. When she broke up with you, she broke your heart. Just like any other injury your heart wants to heal, to scab over. Every time you talk to her, you pick at that scab & cause it to bleed all over again, ensuring that you will never fully heal because you are aggravating your own wound.

What little contact -- breadcrumbs -- she throws at you, they are all about making her feel better. This slow separation is only her way of softening the blow, but in truth it makes it harder (see the scab picking analogy above).

Whatever your faults may have been they are not resolved in 1.5 months. It takes years to develop self confidence & learn not to be controlling
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Old 2nd March 2018, 9:42 PM   #9
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You do know she is playing you right? By engaging her all the time you let her stay and be a part of your life which she wants.
Then you gotta ask yourself she texts you yet she has a boyfriend? Let me throw out a saying- They cheat with you they will cheat on you. And I'm not talking just physical either.
You also managed to be the number 2 man in her life. When she's bored or not to busy she texts YOU.
Don't contact her at all. And when she does contact you tell your not doing this anymore and if she wants to be serious she knows how to find you.
Or you can keep getting dragged along.
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Old 3rd March 2018, 9:14 AM   #10
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Take yourself out of the equation. Idk of many situations where someone remains friends with their ex and they get back together down the line. Not saying you have to completely cut things off, but tell her that you need to get away from her for a while. Let her see what life is like without you, that'll help her make a decision.
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Old 8th March 2018, 2:59 PM   #11
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Things to do after first meet-up with ex girlfriend?

Long story short my girlfriend broke up with me 2 months ago. She didn't know if breaking up or staying together is right. She said she needed time and space and if it was meant to be it was meant to be and if not we would move on. I still really want her back and I've made changes in my life to become a better person. We have remained in contact texting every 3-5 days and they're usually short conversations. I asked her to catch up over coffee and she replied that would be nice and she would let me know next week when is free because she is having family health issues this week.

I am going to be confidant and act normal. Maybe flirt with her a little but I'm not gonna rush anything.

My question is what do I do after this meet up? Do I wait a week or two then suggest a dinner or a movie? Or do I bring up a possible reconciliation? Is this a good sign that she is still interested? I'm just confused what to do after and I can't really find any advice. You could tell me to just move on but that's not what I want to do right now.
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Old 8th March 2018, 3:03 PM   #12
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What do you want to do?


Right now you are an option for her, not somebody who is a priority to her. Do you really want to be the doormat, the old faithful she can come back to once she realizes that there is nothing else for her out there or worse, that you continue sitting around waiting & she never comes back?


I understand you don't want to move on, but how long are you willing to wait around in limbo?
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Old 8th March 2018, 3:06 PM   #13
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What do you want to do?


I understand you don't want to move on, but how long are you willing to wait around in limbo?

I get where your coming from. I don't want to move on yet just because I know she was truly confused about what she wanted. I just want to give it a little more time after meeting up in person. If it comes to me having to move on I will
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Old 8th March 2018, 3:08 PM   #14
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Let me explain her confusion to you.


She wants out but she is fundamentally a nice person & doesn't enjoy being the source of your pain. So instead of being straightforward & telling you she's done, she's saying wishy-washy things in the hopes that it will soften the blow & ease her guilt at hurting you. At no point does her alleged confusion include a genuine desire to reconcile with you. She is simply looking for it to not be her fault that you are heartbroken.
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Old 8th March 2018, 3:09 PM   #15
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Originally Posted by Ryan81298 View Post
My question is what do I do after this meet up? Do I wait a week or two then suggest a dinner or a movie? Or do I bring up a possible reconciliation? Is this a good sign that she is still interested? I'm just confused what to do after and I can't really find any advice. You could tell me to just move on but that's not what I want to do right now.
Maybe you should ask these questions after you meet with her and can provide details on how that went. You're putting the cart before the horse.
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