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First Love Ended


Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

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Old 8th March 2018, 11:41 AM   #1
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First Love Ended

I'm only 17 I know I'm young and that every body's first break up is the worst pain imaginable, but I really didn't think it would hurt this bad. I can't eat, I can barely sleep. I feel sick to my stomach and I've been crying non-stop. I was only with him for a year, but he was such a big part of my life and I feel so stupid for not noticing that he didn't love me anymore. He told me he wasn't happy with me and that he didn't love me. He knew months before that he didn't want to be with me anymore, but he still stayed with me. He lead me on. I'm such an idiot and I'm so weak. The last time he heard my voice I was crying and begging for him to change his mind telling him that I would change everything about myself and I would do anything for him to stay with me. I'm so embarrassed. I've been thinking about hurting myself, but I couldn't even if I really did want to. I don't think he's worth it and I don't want my mom to be alone...I just want the pain to end...if anyone has any advice I'd appreciate it.



EDIT: Instead of saying to my face he told me through text messages. And before that I gave him plenty of chances to tell me the truth, but he chose to lead me on. Even after all that I would still take him back. I'm such an idiot.

Last edited by Nikki114; 8th March 2018 at 12:18 PM.. Reason: Forgot to mention that part
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Old 8th March 2018, 12:48 PM   #2
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After a while
you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul
and you learn love doesn't mean leaning and company doesn't always mean security.
And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts and presents aren't always promises
and you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and and your eyes ahead with the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child.
And you learn to build all your roads on today because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans and futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight.
After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much
So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers
And you learn that you really can endure, that you really are strong and you really do have worth and you learn and you learn
with every good-bye you learn.
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Old 8th March 2018, 1:15 PM   #3
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Hey Nikki,

I went through a similar experience at your age. My first girlfriend, who I had been dating since 10th grade, broke up with me just before my final year started and the ensuing months were some of the hardest of my life. Initially, she was upset about it too but every time I tried convincing her to take me back she refused. Four months after the breakup, she went on a class trip that lasted two weeks and when she came back she was a completely different person. She was not only over me, but she also stopped worrying about my feelings. Before that, I had taken some comfort knowing that I wasnít on this boat alone but even that was gone. She stopped calling me and when I tried calling her she was always busy. A few months later, she started dating someone else and I have vivid memory of where I was and how I was feeling when she gave me that news. That call completely broke me.

A month and half before my final exams, my school had organised preparatory exams and on the day before my physics exam, I realised I couldnít be depressed any longer and I had to act. I tried recovering on my own but even after eight months, I had made absolutely no progress and I was scared that Iíd ruin my final exams which would have huge consequences. So I decided to sacrifice my performance on the physics preparatory and seek help through a counsellor. I had never met a counsellor before and I had no clue who to meet. I took out the yellow pages and started calling people. Most of them were unavailable that day (it was Sunday) and told me to meet them a few days later but I was adamant that it had to be done that day so I kept making calls. Eventually one woman sympathised with me and pushed another appointment to accommodate me. I immediately went to her place and for the next couple of hours I expressed everything I was feeling. Until then, I had spoken to NO ONE so when I had a keen listener, I kept talking till I had nothing left to say. I donít even remember what either of us spoke but I felt a lot lighter after and on the way back I just knew things were going to get better.

My physics teacher was cruel and he failed me by one percent but that didnít bother me the slightest because I had a month to prepare for the finals which was all that mattered. I had my focus back, after being without it for my entire final year and eventually I did really well in my exams. To add icing to the cake, I got the highest in class for physics and my teacher couldnít believe it. Neither could I!

First breakups are hard. I took nearly a year to get over the relationship but even after that, I didnít date for another four years because I couldnít take it. However, this pain your feeling is not permanent and it will go away. Donít do what I did by keeping everything to yourself. Speak to your friends and family. Sharing really helps and soon enough things will start looking up.

Happy Womenís Day
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Old 8th March 2018, 6:19 PM   #4
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First loves are the worst . You know why? Because we lose our innocence about love. We realize it's not like the fairytales and that everybody has some warts on their soul, that there is no prince, no one right guy. Truth is if you're a social person who can put things behind her, there's probably many good mates for you out there once you're in your mid to late 20s and they are nearing 30 and have some maturity on them. But if you find it hard to cope, hard to accept that "he is what he is" and that you can't change him, and keep beating your head against the wall, it will only be harder to find good boyfriends. When you first meet guys, they do their best pretend good behavior and you're not even seeing who they really are until months in, at which time you think "He changed and I love who he used to be." No, he never was that guy. The longer you know someone, that is the version closest to the real person. At first, everyone tries real hard to impress but they can't keep it up very long and once they know they have you, it will dissolve and that's when you know what's left and whether it's worth it. So try not to give your heart away until they start acting real.

If it's any comfort, I'll just tell you that there are very few guys near your age and even up into their 20s who are capable of a long-term relationship. It's kind of the age for them to explore (and women too) and want every woman they see. He might have been raised to think he's more special than he really is and be overly critical. Both men and women who haven't been out in the world but are only taking their mother's word for how beautiful and perfect they are can get a false sense of grandiosity and start thinking they are entitled to more than they are actually worth.

At some point, in order not to torture yourself, you have to accept that "He isn't who I hoped he was" and let it go and move on. Sorry you're going through this. We've all been there. It always sucks, but it's up to you for how long you let it suck the life out of you!
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Old 8th March 2018, 7:23 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nikki114 View Post
I'm only 17 I know I'm young and that every body's first break up is the worst pain imaginable, but I really didn't think it would hurt this bad. I can't eat, I can barely sleep. I feel sick to my stomach and I've been crying non-stop. I was only with him for a year, but he was such a big part of my life and I feel so stupid for not noticing that he didn't love me anymore. He told me he wasn't happy with me and that he didn't love me. He knew months before that he didn't want to be with me anymore, but he still stayed with me. He lead me on. I'm such an idiot and I'm so weak. The last time he heard my voice I was crying and begging for him to change his mind telling him that I would change everything about myself and I would do anything for him to stay with me. I'm so embarrassed. I've been thinking about hurting myself, but I couldn't even if I really did want to. I don't think he's worth it and I don't want my mom to be alone...I just want the pain to end...if anyone has any advice I'd appreciate it.



EDIT: Instead of saying to my face he told me through text messages. And before that I gave him plenty of chances to tell me the truth, but he chose to lead me on. Even after all that I would still take him back. I'm such an idiot.
You are not any of these things. Not at all. This hurts, we all know . Rejection hurts BAD. The only thing I can say with certainty is that the pain does get better. You just have to go through it, though . There is no other way. It seems like you'll feel this way forever, but I promise, you won't.

I'm the mom of a 17 year old girl who has her first love right now, so my heart is really breaking for you . She is a wreck this week because he's on vacation. I can't imagine how she'll be if they break up, or when he goes to college.
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Old 9th March 2018, 2:10 PM   #6
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Oh my God, this is exactly what is happening to me. He was my first boyfriend and I love him so much, we broke up less than a week ago, we were both toxic, he was manipulative and a liar and I was insecure and intense. He tried to broke up with me other times but I begged and then he changed his mind until last sunday he broke up with me over phone, I still begged a little but he ignored me so now i am going to therapy because i feel it will help me, i know it hurts but i know it will be better, just please you need to cut all contact with him, stay very busy, go out with friends and meet new people and I promise you will be better, you will get over it and soon you will not remember him and of course you will love again.I wish someone have told me this before but please do not beg, he is telling yot that he does not want to be with you, he is choosing to leave you, you do not deserve to hurt yourself over someone that no longer loves you. I promise the pain will pass, nothing is permanent. If you wish i can give you my email and we can talk about it.
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