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Who's most at-fault among these 3 people - your best judgement about this situation


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Old 7th March 2018, 12:46 PM   #1
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Who's most at-fault among these 3 people - your best judgement about this situation

Let's say there's a person 'A' in exclusive romantic relationship with person 'B' for many years.

Meanwhile 'A' gets to know a person named 'C' (they are of opposite sex) and soon they become best friends.

'B' is not comfortable with the close friendship between 'A' and 'C' but tries to be understanding and hence asks 'A' that he/she wants to meet 'C' - to get to know him/her better. But 'A' deines and says it'll be awkward and that 'C' won't like it. Even 'C' denies meeting 'B' and says he/she doesn't feel comfortable with the idea.

'A' always seems to be spending more time with 'C' as compared to 'B'. This creates a downward spiral in relationship between 'A' and 'B' and lots of other issues. 'A' and 'B's relationship becomes toxic over time. 'A' brings up the fact that he/she's not comfortable with their friendship many times over a period of time but 'B' always reassures 'A' that it is only platonic and nothing more. Somehow they remain committed to each other.

Finally one day (after about a year) 'A' and 'C' fall in love with each other. Both 'A' and 'C' express their love for each other verbally (nothing physical) after realizing that they both are deeply in love with each other. 'B' is still unaware of this fact at this point.

A few days later 'A' decides to reveal this to 'B' - though nothing physical happened between A and C till this point. Finally, 'A' and 'C' get into exclusive romantic relationship with each other.

Is it normal for 'A' and 'C' to fall in love with each other? Is it cheating? Is anyone faulty here at all? What's your best judgement about this situation?
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Old 7th March 2018, 1:17 PM   #2
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A & C had what this board calls an emotional affair before they had a physical one.

The minute A told the alleged exclusive partner B, that B couldn't meet C because it would "be awkward" the die was cast. Opposite sex friendships that exclude the primary SO are toxic & lethal to the romance.

A is a cheater.
C is a homewrecker
B is a doormat
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Old 7th March 2018, 1:21 PM   #3
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B should’ve listened to his/her instincts, A should’ve been more forthcoming - which rarely happens, and C was just testing the waters but probably shouldn’t have been. However, there’s no telling what A said to C so it’s hard to say.

Not a terrible amount of fault here except that A was obviously on the fence about B and C m, didn’t want to be rash and cut B loose, but eventually made a decision. No cheating, which was good. Hurtful for B but at least A had enough respect not to physically cheat. Was spending time with C a form of cheating. Yes.

If you’re wanting to point the finger at one person, it would be A, in my opinion, because he/she had the most knowledge about all sides of the situation. But pointing fingers in this situation is futile. If I were B, I’d wish them well, mourn my loss, and move on.
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Old 7th March 2018, 1:55 PM   #4
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Yes, it's cheating and A is most at fault.
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Old 7th March 2018, 2:03 PM   #5
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We have a saying in my language: with ifs, you can put the world to rights.

B is now free to find a better suited partner, and A and C are welcome to each other!
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Old 19th May 2018, 2:39 AM   #6
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Originally Posted by d0nnivain View Post
A & C had what this board calls an emotional affair before they had a physical one.

The minute A told the alleged exclusive partner B, that B couldn't meet C because it would "be awkward" the die was cast. Opposite sex friendships that exclude the primary SO are toxic & lethal to the romance.

A is a cheater.
C is a homewrecker
B is a doormat
Is emotional affair really a thing? Most people think it's not. Is it cheating?
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Old 19th May 2018, 2:41 AM   #7
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Originally Posted by CautiouslyOptimistic View Post
Yes, it's cheating and A is most at fault.
Why do you think it's cheating?
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Old 19th May 2018, 2:54 AM   #8
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Is emotional affair really a thing? Most people think it's not. Is it cheating?
It's definitely a thing. If A's emotional investment is towards someone who isn't their partner, then it is cheating, since the partner B has trust in the emotional investment from A - which is no longer happening and it's a breach of trust. It's the mind version of B not expecting A to do anything physical with anyone else.

I agree with Donnivain on this. The minute A says that B meeting C is awkward, is the minute I would suspect A is hiding something. If C is truly only a friend, then there would be no problem meeting.
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Old 19th May 2018, 6:19 AM   #9
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Of course it is cheating. 'A' fell in love with someone else while they were in a committed relationship and started spending more time with this other person instead of their partner, ignoring their partner's feelings and concerns about it. It doesn't matter if A and C are too stupid to realise they are not platonic (or they realise but try their best to deny it even though the fact that A is in a relationship is considered 'awkward'). It is cheating. I wonder why person B put up with all this rubbish.
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Old 19th May 2018, 6:20 AM   #10
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Originally Posted by ClumsyyGuy View Post
Is emotional affair really a thing? Most people think it's not. Is it cheating?
Would you feel cheated if your partner was in love with someone else and spending a lot of time with them and prioritising them over you? I would. Hence I call it cheating.
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Old 19th May 2018, 12:25 PM   #11
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Of course it is cheating. 'A' fell in love with someone else while they were in a committed relationship and started spending more time with this other person instead of their partner, ignoring their partner's feelings and concerns about it. It doesn't matter if A and C are too stupid to realise they are not platonic (or they realise but try their best to deny it even though the fact that A is in a relationship is considered 'awkward'). It is cheating. I wonder why person B put up with all this rubbish.
I think person B was really stupid and dumb and he learnt his lesson the hard way.

Would your answer change if the relationship was unhealthy between A and B and they were not really quite happy together but somehow carrying the relationship?
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Old 19th May 2018, 5:22 PM   #12
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Originally Posted by ClumsyyGuy View Post
Is emotional affair really a thing? Most people think it's not. Is it cheating?

What I think doesn't matter. How the "victim" feels controls.

I will tell you I could get past an EA (I think) but not a PA
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