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No chance of reconciliation


Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

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Old 5th March 2018, 7:47 AM   #1
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No chance of reconciliation

So here is my background. Met my gf dec 2014, then decided love at first sight that i was gonna marry her. Was too young so decided to set a date in 2020. 3yrs plus in got dumped , 1week ago. Hurts like hell. I forgave her cheating for 2years cause people make mistakes and if ur gonna last a lifetime then 2yrs is nothing compared to a life lifetime. My mom sister and brother warmed up to her after 2years, and my dad was still struggling to warm up to her. Anyway we had a huge fight few days ago, she agrees to take a break and sort things out then the next day she says shes done. My mom calls her, her sster also begs on my behalf , er cousin too, our mutual friend too. Essentially everyone important to me asked on my behalf mind you same girl that cheated n me twice couldnt bring her self to forgive an argument and decided she has falling out of love. Oh well i was out of love a year ago but i put in the work and made it work and ended in a good place in 2017. Apparently that was a wasted effort. Anyway now everyone in my family has decided for her actions she is no longer welcome no matter what in the future, and i have also decided same too. I hve felt hurt disrespected and pissed i wasted soo many years with a heartless narcissist. Am in pain for how stupid i am to be honest. To be honest everyone who has heard this is soo pissed of at how stupid she could be. She literally said no chance of reconcillation just go am done. I begged for 1 week straight just for a mini break to think things thru she said No. Ive never seen anyone with such scorn n vengefulness and to be hoenst am glad i got out cause who know. I am well to do and independent , so is my family, but i value traditional relationships and being humble and forgiving because tmwr is always uncertain. To be honest am relieved. Let me know your thoughts!!

Last edited by ikoro0003; 5th March 2018 at 7:49 AM..
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Old 5th March 2018, 7:59 AM   #2
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Sorry to hear, but it sounds like the breakup is for the best. Take care of yourself.
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Old 5th March 2018, 9:41 AM   #3
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My thoughts are this was never going to make it to Happily Ever After so it's best that it's finally done

Tips for your next relationship:

1. Don't start planning a wedding based on "love at first sight."

2. If they cheat once, be very cautious about taking them back. The 2nd time they cheat, be done.

3. If you fall out of love, quit the relationship. Don't try to work your way back to something.

4. If you break up be an adult about it. Don't have everyone you know all up in your business begging & pleading your case, especially your mother. If mommy has to rush into your relationship, you are no where near ready to marry.
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Old 5th March 2018, 10:54 AM   #4
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1) I agree
2)so true
3) i rarely give up on things so easily.
4) The cultures are different than western culture. Everyone gets involved because everyone is supposed to be involved
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Old 5th March 2018, 11:04 AM   #5
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Seems like you're better off, although love clouds our minds against imperfections, take your time to heal and move on
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Old 5th March 2018, 11:07 AM   #6
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You are relieved. Thatís all that matters.
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Old 5th March 2018, 2:45 PM   #7
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I'm glad you're at peace and are moving on. Having friends of both sexes and having a serious relationship is how we grow and get tested on our maturity and how we get exposed to the condition of our heart. Is it forgiving, caring and free from fear or the opposite? Need to watch and be aware of any 'red flags' in your future relationships. Move forward in peace.
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Old 7th March 2018, 12:12 AM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ikoro0003 View Post
So here is my background. Met my gf dec 2014, then decided love at first sight that i was gonna marry her. Was too young so decided to set a date in 2020. 3yrs plus in got dumped , 1week ago. Hurts like hell. I forgave her cheating for 2years cause people make mistakes and if ur gonna last a lifetime then 2yrs is nothing compared to a life lifetime. My mom sister and brother warmed up to her after 2years, and my dad was still struggling to warm up to her. Anyway we had a huge fight few days ago, she agrees to take a break and sort things out then the next day she says shes done. My mom calls her, her sster also begs on my behalf , er cousin too, our mutual friend too. Essentially everyone important to me asked on my behalf mind you same girl that cheated n me twice couldnt bring her self to forgive an argument and decided she has falling out of love. Oh well i was out of love a year ago but i put in the work and made it work and ended in a good place in 2017. Apparently that was a wasted effort. Anyway now everyone in my family has decided for her actions she is no longer welcome no matter what in the future, and i have also decided same too. I hve felt hurt disrespected and pissed i wasted soo many years with a heartless narcissist. Am in pain for how stupid i am to be honest. To be honest everyone who has heard this is soo pissed of at how stupid she could be. She literally said no chance of reconcillation just go am done. I begged for 1 week straight just for a mini break to think things thru she said No. Ive never seen anyone with such scorn n vengefulness and to be hoenst am glad i got out cause who know. I am well to do and independent , so is my family, but i value traditional relationships and being humble and forgiving because tmwr is always uncertain. To be honest am relieved. Let me know your thoughts!!
This is 100% not correct. She never loved you, I'm sorry. She didn't respect you because you don't respect yourself. Move on and forget this bad person.
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Old 7th March 2018, 10:58 AM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by d0nnivain View Post
My thoughts are this was never going to make it to Happily Ever After so it's best that it's finally done

Tips for your next relationship:

1. Don't start planning a wedding based on "love at first sight."

2. If they cheat once, be very cautious about taking them back. The 2nd time they cheat, be done.

3. If you fall out of love, quit the relationship. Don't try to work your way back to something.

4. If you break up be an adult about it. Don't have everyone you know all up in your business begging & pleading your case, especially your mother. If mommy has to rush into your relationship, you are no where near ready to marry.
Meh, condescending post to say the least. The guy is here to heal. Too early to be bashing him up with should have's/would have's/ could have's and jokes about mum.

Points 1 and 2. agree with that. Point 3, maybe but I wouldn't have put it that way. I've known people who have fallen out of love like 10 years in and they somehow managed to pull though and get it back. If the love was real from the start, it can sometimes return. When it was never authentic from the beginning, that's when you need to get out of there quick smart.

OP, that's a rough breakup there man. I experienced something similar so I know how you feel. Your irrational behavior was most likely in response to how she just went totally cold on you very fast. She does sound like a narc or at least has narc tendencies. Putting guilt on you at the end is typical narc manoeuvre. Best you go No Contact as soon as you can. If you do that, I guarantee you that you will hear from her again when she's ready to drop a boat load of guilt at your doorstep. It won't be an authentic attempt at a reconciliation, just her fishing for an ego boost and a way to relieve some guilt.

Last edited by marky00; 7th March 2018 at 11:01 AM..
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Old 7th March 2018, 2:03 PM   #10
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Oh man. That's rough and she cheated on you? Yuck.

If you're relieved, focus on that. Are you feeling family pressure to get back with her? Or were they just trying to keep the split from happening?
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Old 7th March 2018, 10:37 PM   #11
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family pressure to leave her. Looking back the last 10 days, i am about 60% moved on. I hve lost 15pounds so far, working out every day with all my anger. Yeah it is really rough, and lately am seeing and analyzing how much of a terrible person she is regardless of how long weve dated. Signs dat i missed and all. Its all good , for sure ill meet someone better when amready to put mysef out there. And i think God made is possible cause i would hve never seen any of her faults but now the clarity has dawned on me. We live and we learn to be honest, this is just part of the learning experience. Ive gone 2days now no cryng or pining. Tody has been great and at this rate i will be over this **** in a couple of weeks. Ive made it clear to mutual family and friends that there is no reconciliation ever, and also no friendship ever. This is plain cruel and i wont ever give her that closure.Because she never bothered to in mine. The next guy who am guessing she will try n hook n marry is gonna have one hell of atime. If i could speak to him, ill ask him to move on and save himself a heartless,cheating , empty spouse. fact is she has damaged her reputation cause my family is a large one with lots of connections, and now everyone knows what she did. So noone will resect her as an individual again. Well i did warn her that she shouldnt go with it, but u know NARCS always about themselves. Can u believe last week i told her she broke my hearrt and she answers; 'Am also heartbroken', like u just broke up with me and kicked me out then u expect me to sympathize with u??? Like WTF?

Last edited by ikoro0003; 7th March 2018 at 10:47 PM..
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Old 8th March 2018, 8:10 AM   #12
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Also Ive realised that she is A NARC(narcissist) to the T. Never knew this but am glad i know now.
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Old 8th March 2018, 8:20 AM   #13
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I'm glad to hear that you are moving forward. I don't see your actions as cruel at all. I see self preservation. Also you have no ability to give her closure. She has to get closure for herself.

If you do find out she is dating somebody else, do not attempt to communicate with him. Anything you say or do will look like sour grapes & that you still care. If you are done, be indifferent.
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