Why would she do this?

[Nitrojan]

Hi all,

 

I was with my ex for 2 years and in that time I became a father figure to her two daughters (now 2 and 3) who I love and miss to bits. Around a month go after a lot of arguments, she broke things off and within a matter of weeks has been seeing a guy she claims she used to live opposite a few years back. He also has a child, so I guess they can both relate.

 

Coming up to valentines day, she came knocking on my door and ended up spending the evening with me. The next day she tells me that her sister is staying over her house so she can't spend time with me and so I stay at home... little did I know that she had her new guy round that evening, the day after sleeping with me. Cut deep because that same day I went out and bought a load of cute bits for the house with the intention of having a nice evening together, one of these things being mugs with our initials on (this relates later in the thread).

 

She is now officially in a relationship with this guy although he doesn't have facebook so it's not exactly publicised very much. She also hasn't posted any photos of them or anything, just silly tweets to make me feel jealous I assume. From our phone conversations since that point my ex claims that she is happier now and tells me that she doesn't want to be with me. She even threatened me with a non-molestation order and told me to leave her alone which I did. She has since told me she would never do this and said it out of anger. This past week she has seen me every day but I have had to leave before the new guy finishes work - mad I know... and very ridiculous. Love does some weird things and it kills me to know he is spending the evenings with her while I lay in bed unable to sleep, thinking it all over in my head. She even claims she hasn't slept with him and gives me all these excuses saying that she is going through the hospital etc. but that's a load of rubbish I'm sure... she tells me that apparently because of what I did in the relationship she feels she can't give herself to anyone else. I guess it's her trying to make herself feel better about the situation.

 

This past week, whenever we spent time together we would cuddle and she wouldn't have a problem being close to me. I knew though that she felt guilty in a way because she'd constantly say it was me who wanted to see her and not the other way around, and how this new guy is 'nice and genuine' and that it wouldn't be fair to risk getting back with me when she could be happy in this new relationship. She never had any problem with being out in public with me though. She even told me she was tempted to sleep with me but couldn't because she is not like that. I could tell she wanted to kiss me but she remained true to this guy.

 

My question though is why would she do this to me? The new guy has the same initials as me and the same first name, and her house is dotted with his and her initials... even above her bed it says "A <3 J" and she even went out and bought the same mugs as I had been to get for us.

 

Talk about being replaced! There's even a chalkboard in the kitchen with his, her and the two children's names on it, like I meant absolutely nothing.

 

Her excuse for the breakup is that I went back to my ex very early on in our relationship, which I regret deeply. And every time she played mind games with me and told me it was over, I'd try and move on and would start socialising with other girls. She tells me she could never move on from the fact I had shared myself with somebody else and throws the whole "how you feel now is how I felt" thing at me.

 

She has blocked my number, blocked me on facebook but has unblocked me on twitter and whatsapp.

 

Can somebody shed some light on why she would be doing this? This last week she has been telling me how the new guy is boring, how they just sit there and do nothing and she doesn't know what she wants. She even told him it was over the other day after seeing me but now they appear happy again and the lies from her end continue to be thrown my way about her whereabouts and what she is doing, almost like she doesn't want me to know she is still seeing him. Last night was the last time I saw her and she was nasty towards me which is a total 360 from earlier in the week... I suppose this was because she knew she'd be spending the night with him again and it made her feel better.

 

I'm finding it so difficult to move on from this because for some stupid reason I love this girl and can't imagine being with anyone else.

Edited March 3, 2018 by Nitrojan

[Young mind]

Hang in there mate, and believe me when I say with TIME, you will move on, Time is a great factor, myself and others were in your shoes, "fell out of love" , lined the replacement. As difficult as it will be to take this out on yourself, don't!

 

You're also over analyzing, all the initials etc, it always feels like she replaced you with a better identical match, but it's not true, your relationship was unique so will be his, it hurts but analyze and feel the pain rather than the new partner.

 

She's also clearly trying to win the breakup, thus the show, take the advice you will receive here; block her on any social media you're still connected, twitter, phone.

 

Accept the breakup and let time heal you, don't make a fool of yourself trying to contact her and seeking closure, if a molestation suit is filed, that's a different ball game, and not a suitable one as you can imagine

[Nitrojan]

Hang in there mate, and believe me when I say with TIME, you will move on, Time is a great factor, myself and others were in your shoes, "fell out of love" , lined the replacement. As difficult as it will be to take this out on yourself, don't!

 

You're also over analyzing, all the initials etc, it always feels like she replaced you with a better identical match, but it's not true, your relationship was unique so will be his, it hurts but analyze and feel the pain rather than the new partner.

 

She's also clearly trying to win the breakup, thus the show, take the advice you will receive here; block her on any social media you're still connected, twitter, phone.

 

Accept the breakup and let time heal you, don't make a fool of yourself trying to contact her and seeking closure, if a molestation suit is filed, that's a different ball game, and not a suitable one as you can imagine

 

Yeah I guess so and thanks for the advice. What confuses me the most is why she spent this week with me acting like she was fine and things were 'normal' to then turn nasty and sour towards me last night... conveniently before the weekend when he has his days off.

 

I tried calling her this morning but no answer and have this minute blocked her on everything. I feel like I've made a total fool out of myself and shown her that I am weak and desperate.

 

It is extremely difficult and some days I don't even want to get out of bed. I'm not sleeping at all and it's really taking its toll.

 

She says she doesn't want me out of her life but she's doing a good job of ignoring me and making sure I am.

[BluesPower]

Dude...

 

You understand that she was cheating on you when you were together?

 

She left you for the new guy.

 

That makes her comment that "she is not like that" all the more funny. She is not relationship material.

 

You need to block her on everything, and move on...

[Nitrojan]

Dude...

 

You understand that she was cheating on you when you were together?

 

She left you for the new guy.

 

That makes her comment that "she is not like that" all the more funny. She is not relationship material.

 

You need to block her on everything, and move on...

 

I have no idea if she was or not. Obviously I'd like to think not and she swears point black on the lives of her children that she wasn't... he apparently messaged her on Instagram after she started posting selfies like women do and as she has known of him for years, they met up and it went from there.

 

Does seem a bit weird though how you can go from nothing to a relationship in a month.

[d0nnivain]

For your own sanity you need to cut ties with her. You should not be talking to her, let alone cuddling with her. She made her choice: him so you need to stop hanging around. She has already threatened you with legal action. Believe her. She's not above using the police to get rid of you. It wouldn't surprise me to learn that she told the new guy that she bought the initial mugs for the two of them.

 

Disconnect on social media. Realize that she used you. If you have been with her for 2 years & her youngest is 2 she is a monkey brancher. She goes from one relationship to the next with no gaps or reflection in between. The children's father probably felt a lot like you do now when you came into the picture; for him it was worse because he had just had another baby with this woman.

 

When you accept that this is really over you can work on healing.

[ExpatInItaly]

She does this because you don't have the spine to say no to her. And you can't move on because you're not really even trying.

 

You are letting her play you for a fool, to be blunt. She's telling you whatever she knows will keep you around as Plan B in case her boyfriend leaves her. That's all that's going on here. It's not because she really loves you, so I hope you're not telling yourself that. Her actions suggest she doesn't love you or him whatsoever.

 

She's also obviously lying to the both of you.

 

In short, she's the worst type of woman to pick for a relationship. Where are your standards?

[ExpatInItaly]

Dude...

 

You understand that she was cheating on you when you were together?

 

She left you for the new guy.

 

That makes her comment that "she is not like that" all the more funny. She is not relationship material.

 

You need to block her on everything, and move on...

 

That made me chuckle, too. She is exactly "like that."

[Purepony]

I have no idea if she was or not. Obviously I'd like to think not and she swears point black on the lives of her children that she wasn't... he apparently messaged her on Instagram after she started posting selfies like women do and as she has known of him for years, they met up and it went from there.

 

Does seem a bit weird though how you can go from nothing to a relationship in a month.

 

 

 

Who cares if she was or wasn’t at this point !

She’s a nut case move on from this crazy person.

 

Look at her life two kids you would have to take payments on a woman who’s mentally and emotionally unstable. Screw that ! Life’s to difficult as it is and then you add this ?!

 

I’m glad she blocked maybe then you’ll take control and finally realize You deserve better

[Nitrojan]

She does this because you don't have the spine to say no to her. And you can't move on because you're not really even trying.

 

You are letting her play you for a fool, to be blunt. She's telling you whatever she knows will keep you around as Plan B in case her boyfriend leaves her. That's all that's going on here. It's not because she really loves you, so I hope you're not telling yourself that. Her actions suggest she doesn't love you or him whatsoever.

 

She's also obviously lying to the both of you.

 

In short, she's the worst type of woman to pick for a relationship. Where are your standards?

 

Yes she has definitely lied to both of us I know that much, but more so to me. As far as he is concerned, she is staying loyal to him and tells me she doesn't want to 'risk' getting back with me and giving up the chance to be happy because right now she says she is 'happier'. That she doesn't wake up every morning with the constant worry of whether or not I am talking to other girls or whatnot. Which is definitely not the case at all.

 

She tells me this new guy is 'nice and he is a genuine guy' which hurts a little because she seems very invested. Even if this 'nice and genuine guy' did try to beat the **** out of me one evening, telling me I'm desperate and that she doesn't want me. He obviously doesn't know about the past week. But then again it was me who asked to see her, she just obliged so in a way I suppose I should have seen it all along. It was a desperate plea by me because I missed her and hadn't seen her for a while.

 

I miss the two little girls too but I know they aren't mine and that I should just let go. This new guy has a child of his own so apparently he 'understands' and is more understanding of the children's requirements which, at the start, I round difficult having never had kids of my own.

 

In the end though, she knows I'd do anything for those two children and miss them dearly.

[ExpatInItaly]

You very much need to cut contact with this woman.

 

She is not someone you can build a healthy and stable future with, even if she breaks up with this other guy and bounces back to you. She has proved herself to be utterly untrustworthy, dishonest and selfish - thus rendering her a very poor candidate for ever having having a decent relationship.

[Nitrojan]

You very much need to cut contact with this woman.

 

She is not someone you can build a healthy and stable future with, even if she breaks up with this other guy and bounces back to you. She has proved herself to be utterly untrustworthy, dishonest and selfish - thus rendering her a very poor candidate for ever having having a decent relationship.

 

Yeah you are right, she has shown all of those qualities. She never admits to her wrongs, or at least not to me... perhaps to this new guy I dunno. I'm always the one being made to feel like I am 100% the issue. The fact she wouldn't kiss me when she met me though shows that she is loyal in a way, or perhaps I am sugarcoating it for something it isn't but then again I was made to feel like she still cared.

 

The fact that somebody could ignore you so easily though I guess says everything. Even if she has been telling me he is just a 'distraction'... because once the kids go to sleep she is on her own.

 

Ironically she has been saying for ages that she doesn't need a guy to make her happy. Evidently all a lie.

[stillafool]

Why are you still communicating with someone else's girlfriend? Just walk away and start healing from her. Stop wondering why she does the things she does because she may not even know. She sounds like a basket case and her rejection of you is what is keeping you hooked. Rejection is very powerful in creating obsession.

[Nitrojan]

Yesterday morning before I wrote this thread, I had whatsapped her asking her to give me a call when she was free. She ignored me all day (was with her new guy) and eventually at 9pm messages me back with "will do". By this point in the day I was just fed up of feeling like nothing and so went back to her with "it's okay, there's no need now" to which she replied "why unblock me then". After I ignored this last message she then said "Fine then. Bye." and blocked me on WhatsApp the next morning.

 

What does this suggest? Obviously I annoyed her by stopping the chasing and I get the impression she waited until the morning because she thought I'd go chasing with my tail between my legs. If she was truly over me then surely she wouldn't feel the need to block.

 

Am I just overthinking things?

[d0nnivain]

You are not overthinking things. You are failing to recognize that she's done with you. He's her BF now & he's a priority. She is never going to respond to you in a manner or time frame that you want.

 

Think about yourself & cut all ties with her. At this point you are a nuisance to her & all you do is debase yourself every time you reach out. Get your dignity back.