Suggestion on how to take a break

[waterbottleemo]

We decided that we should take a 1 week break. Today is the first day and I already miss her, I just want to message her, apologize and go back to normal(even though I had a reason to be mad).

 

However I think taking a break is crucial so that we both can really think about what we did right and wrong. I also know that I need some time to really work on myself. I realize I've lost a lot of myself, lost some confidence too during the 1.5year relationship, I've become jealous, which is something I really don't like myself about.

 

 

Huge part of me are really afraid of losing the relationship to this one week break. I love her a lot, and she knows that. We are really compatible and fun together (never happened in my past 3 relationships. Im her first though)

 

The rational part of me understand this can make the relationship stronger, if we can overcome this.

 

But how the heck do I concentrate on myself when I'm worrying that this will break and worsen our relationship, and she realize she want to break up with me. Sometimes I feel like I'm the one that always apologize and admit my mistakes, while she just get angry if i get angry at something.

 

 

This happen before, she broke up with me. Then after three days of NC she messaged me saying she misses me and she brought up some points that I appreciated and was looking for, and we got back together. (this is probably the only time she sincerely apologized and changed a bit)

[d0nnivain]

Breaks don't work. You fix a relationship by communicating & working together.

 

It's one thing to say we're still together but aren't going to see each other to diffuse but "a break" or some alleged time off from the relationship is a break up with training wheels. If you are already on this break up make up merry go round, it's time to consider whether this relationship is healthy.

[internalChange]

I have to disagree with you on that. I've heard successful stories. And I believe that by giving the other person some space will allow them to think about the goods and the bad of the relationship.

 

Sometimes when the other person is always there you start taking things for granted. And most people cannot think straight during the heat of a fight.

But by giving space and realizing how it is like if that person is gone from your life, they either start to appreciate or they realize they feel happier without the other person (leading to a break up). Of course if one person is immature I doubt this will work, and some people might use this as a mind game.

 

This might also get rid of any power play in the relationship.

 

Back to your point, about taking a break being a break up with training wheels. That actually support what I said

 

Hmm.. I think typing this out actually strengthen my resolve, thanks.

 

 

 

edit:

I also want to add for my record:

How can I take care of her and this relationship if I'm emotionally a mess and if I feel insecure about the relationship? Past conflicts/fights were probably never fully healed, I believe this break will help me find the proper perspective, improve myself, learn to love myself again, learn to be ok to be alone.

 

It's tough but necessary, if this break result in a break up that just mean we weren't meant to be, and we couldn't get over a small obstacle like this. If break up happens I might have thoughts like "what if I have done that, or done this, maybe we wouldn't have to break up", but even if I did such and such this relationship must be really fragile and weak to not be able to withstand obstacles, in the future it will only bring pain if relationship does survive through these specifications.

 

Point is I honestly already did my best throughout the relationship, I loved and took care of her as best as I could. I even carried her emotion and sometimes neglected my own.

I really couldn't have done anything else unless I start playing mind games

Edited March 2, 2018 by internalChange

[ExpatInItaly]

If she's broken up with you before and is now requesting another break, the relationship is virtually over.

[staggerlee71]

 

This happen before, she broke up with me. Then after three days of NC she messaged me saying she misses me and she brought up some points that I appreciated and was looking for, and we got back together. (this is probably the only time she sincerely apologized and changed a bit)

 

Your already in the middle of breaking up. this is just stage two. breaks on the on/off will get longer until one of you feels comfortable to go at it alone or meets someone else.

[BC1980]

I think if you do have a break, you need to have a set amount of time apart. A week or two at most. And you have to really have a reason for the break and a plan on how to work on things when you come back together. Just taking a break to see how it goes is a way to exit a relationship. If you want to take a break for a week and then come back together and seriously discuss things, I could see that. But just having a break to see what you've lost is silly.