Gerard18 Posted March 2, 2018 Share Posted March 2, 2018 Hi, I am hoping someone can point me in the right direction. I was seeing a woman for the past three months and it was quite rocky. We had initially met over a year ago at a project between her college and my college and ended up working together on this project. We obviously did not know at that point that a year later we would end up together. I will also point out that over the span of the past year we remained in contact, light flirting etc and supporting one another via email etc. She ended thing's earlier today as she has a complicated life at the moment, she is recently separated from her husband, approx three month's now. He was an alcoholic and always left her to be the "man of the house" so to speak and to do all the work with their son, minding him etc. I also have my fair share of baggage, both of us have been through a lot individually. The time we spent together was very romantic and heated at times. Neither of us did not expect there to be that level of passion between us when we first met up. We went away for a night on New Year's and it was amazing. When ever we were together we would rarely fight and it felt as though we had known one another for years, very calming and relaxing. There were arguments at time's but that was to be expected I guess given her situation and my own. Over the past three month's we have gone away for night's, dinner, movies, walks, discussed starting a family down the line. She also met my mother and they got along very well. I know it was only three months but there was just something between us, something special, that feeling of home. I am obviously hurt, but I am hoping all is not lost. This is the email she sent me...Should I be optimistic and just continue working on myself ? I have decided not to respond as I don't think it would help. "Hi Gerard, I am writing to you to say that it's over between us. It is nothing personal, I have genuine feelings but my life at present is really complicated, therefore I need some time to myself. It is not my responsibility for you falling apart or for how you take this in terms of your feelings, we are adults and should act as such. It is your responsibility to look after yourself, get your head sorted, get a job and so on. I know you think we are soul mates and if we are you will respect my decision and give me some time to myself to reflect on all the huge life changes that have occurred in my life over the last couple of months. I have to look after myself and my main responsibility is to myself and my son. Mind yourself and if you want to meet again in June, I will be up for that. Love D" Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted March 2, 2018 Share Posted March 2, 2018 I'm not waiting three months for anything... I'm not going to be someone's "Just in case" person, hoping maybe just maybe she'll throw you a bone in three months. You had fun and enjoyed your time with her, but she ended it. Don't respond. Move on... NEXT!! Link to post Share on other sites
CantTakeMySmile Posted March 2, 2018 Share Posted March 2, 2018 Don't wait. Don't respond. See how you feel it June. It is only March, there is no reason to consider it now, feelings can change. She was very forthright with her email. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 2, 2018 Share Posted March 2, 2018 You were the transition guy as she took the first steps out of her marriage. Don't wait for her. In 3 more months she is still not going to be in any shape to deal with a realtionship Link to post Share on other sites
LivingWaterPlease Posted March 2, 2018 Share Posted March 2, 2018 This is the email she sent me...Should I be optimistic and just continue working on myself ? I have decided not to respond as I don't think it would help. "Hi Gerard, I am writing to you to say that it's over between us. It is nothing personal, I have genuine feelings but my life at present is really complicated, therefore I need some time to myself. It is not my responsibility for you falling apart or for how you take this in terms of your feelings, we are adults and should act as such. It is your responsibility to look after yourself, get your head sorted, get a job and so on. I know you think we are soul mates and if we are you will respect my decision and give me some time to myself to reflect on all the huge life changes that have occurred in my life over the last couple of months. I have to look after myself and my main responsibility is to myself and my son. Mind yourself and if you want to meet again in June, I will be up for that. Love D" I agree with your decision not to respond and just move on working on yourself. And also agree with the other posters' responses to you. However, I do want to mention that, to me, the above bolded is something an adult would understand without having the person doing the break up point out. It sounds very condescending and arrogant to me, as if she's assuming you're going to fall apart and as if you aren't aware your feelings and behavior are your own responsibility. To me, that is insulting. It makes her, imo, seem to be socially awkward. That would turn me off completely to ever resuming a R with her, were I in your place. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
TeddyPSmith Posted March 2, 2018 Share Posted March 2, 2018 I agree with your decision not to respond and just move on working on yourself. And also agree with the other posters' responses to you. However, I do want to mention that, to me, the above bolded is something an adult would understand without having the person doing the break up point out. It sounds very condescending and arrogant to me, as if she's assuming you're going to fall apart and as if you aren't aware your feelings and behavior are your own responsibility. To me, that is insulting. It makes her, imo, seem to be socially awkward. That would turn me off completely to ever resuming a R with her, were I in your place. I completely agree with this. You could've gone without hearing that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gerard18 Posted March 2, 2018 Author Share Posted March 2, 2018 Thanks for the replies guy's. Well I did throw a lot of my own problems over on top of her and got upset in front of her sometimes the morning after we had a nice night together etc. I'm learning that that's obviously not an attractive sight especially since I was cold towards her after. And I did break it off with her in the beginning a few time's and reacted to her and probably came across as weak/needy etc. I don't think I was her transition step though, she has paid for nights away and has cooked me dinner a few time's so I don't think that's the case. Anyways, I rang her this evening and she said she regretted sending the email and that her head is all over the place. I'd say I need to just continue with my counselling and she will also be starting her own counselling soon. I think I need to just man up a bit and learn not to react to her when she's in a mood and laugh it off and be lighthearted instead of acting needy ? That seemed to work this evening anyways. She seems quite happy when I'm being manly and possibly I will be more happy also if I keep it that way and just deal with my own issue's myself. Does this sound sensible? Link to post Share on other sites
staggerlee71 Posted March 2, 2018 Share Posted March 2, 2018 sounds sensible if your good with her coming and going as she pleases, without regard to you or your feelings 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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