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Is there hope?


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This is going to be a long one.

 

In September of last year, my ex broke things off with me. Over text, of course. He contacted me around Thanksgiving wanting to meet up, and told me he wanted to "work things out." As luck would have it, the day after we met up he texts me, yet again, to say that he couldn't do it.

 

In early January of this year, he messages me saying how he "messed up" and realized that it was the "wrong decision." I was infatuated and met up at his request, though still skeptical. Long story short, we ended up getting back together. I wanted to talk things through, be completely honest, and get answers from him, which he gave me the first few DAYS. Barely even two weeks after we got together, he, yet again, texts me and basically said he couldn't handle it and that "we tried and it didn't work."

 

I have unfollowed him, etc. on everything and try not to view his profile. But it still hurts every day and honestly is getting worse. I can't even go through my photos and delete the pictures because seeing his fact brings about a wave of emotions. I know he sounds like a complete a-hole, and I agree, but I truly believed this was the person I was supposed to end up with. And, no matter how daft I seem, I do want to end up with him. Maybe it's selfish or narcissistic that I believe we are meant to be together, but after months of contemplation that's the conclusion I've come to.

 

I am afraid to contact him for fear of rejection. But, since it's happened before, I am praying he contacts me. I am terrified.

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How long were you together?

 

What you have to really get through to yourself is that both people have to feel the same way about each other and he doesn't have those same feelings you do about him. You want what you can't have. He may contact you again and if it is soon I'm sure you will want to try again if he does but the same thing will happen. You got a second chance which most don't get, so now you really must try to stay NC with him.

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Just out of curiosity, how old is he? He sounds very, very young. In which case, he's probably not your person because you'll still have time to meet guys who can handle their issues and even respectfully break up in person.

 

You don't need to delete photos etc yet, but you should try moving them all to a folder and hide it from yourself. Out of sight, out of mind. Don't just unfollow him, for the time being unfriend him. You can always change your mind later, but for now, you need distance and perspective. Mostly distance. He's not in any sort of mindset to be present for you, whether it's because he has his own problems or because he's not interested enough in you. Either way, try to shift your focus away from him and onto yourself. It's going to hurt, but it will help if you can give it some time. Stay out of contact with him for now or you'll just keep getting him flip flopping and nothing will change. This doesn't sound like a guy worth fighting for in my opinion, and it sounds like his inability to make you feel stable and secure is causing you to feel anxiety... not necessarily love. Give it some time of solid no contact to help you decide.

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I know he sounds like a complete a-hole, and I agree, but I truly believed this was the person I was supposed to end up with. And, no matter how daft I seem, I do want to end up with him. Maybe it's selfish or narcissistic that I believe we are meant to be together, but after months of contemplation that's the conclusion I've come to.

 

I felt the same way about an ex GF. Even though towards the end, I was being mistreated, in the last couple years of the relationship I just came to the conclusion that I wanted to make it work no matter what. Maybe it was because i was in my mid 30s and at the peak of my powers and also didn't want to have the blood of another breakup on my hands. Whatever was behind it, that was what I wanted.

 

Well of course she dumped me in the end and hurt like hell for a long time. Yes part of the hurt was because of who she turned out to be (a very nasty person). But another big part was just due to where I was at in my life and some factors external to the relationship that somehow drove me to the idea that I wanted this relationship to be the one I settled on.

 

This is why some breakups hurt way more than others. It's not always about who the dumper was but also about who you were at the time and what other things were going on in your life, leading up to the breakup.

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You should be terrified that he will contact you & continue to play games with you. This man is a freakin' yo-yo. You can't trust him. He's immature & does not know his own mind.

 

Get your BFF to move all of your photos to a flash drive or some place you can't see them. With your BFFs help, put all your mementos in a box. Tape the box shut. I mean really tape it shut so it's a gigantic p.i.t.a. to open. Then put the box in the recesses of the attic, garage or deepest closet.

 

Block him every where & when you feel weak remember he broke up with you THREE TIMES via TEXT. For heaven's sake he doesn't even have enough class or respect for you do it in person. He's spineless & not worth your time or your tears.

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