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Sudden break up


Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

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Old 25th February 2018, 6:15 PM   #1
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Sudden break up

I started dating someone a few months ago who I had met online. From the start she was the most keen and talked a lot about our future, giving me lots of assurance of how strong her feelings were. She wrote in my Valentine's card that she was excited about the future. After two months I was pretty much living at hers. There were absolutely no red flags except she was slow to text back. However, this was the case even before we met.

Last weekend I spent Friday and Saturday with her. I left hers to hang out with a friend. I glanced at my phone as I was out and noticed I had a text from her saying she had felt very anxious recently and didn't think a relationship between us would work.

Initially I was really angry because I thought it was really disrespectful to break up through text. Now I just feel confused. Has anyone else had a similar experience?
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Old 25th February 2018, 7:40 PM   #2
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So sorry to hear about what sounds like a blindsided break up...why on earth would she suddenly feel anxious, were you able to ask her or find out any other info? A few of us are going through similar scenarios. I had met a girl online and had an amazing 2 months with that ended just over 3 weeks ago, been NC since but it was mutual due to her not being emotionally ready and having been in two emotionally draining relationships for over 5 years since she was 17. So I had to let her go but wanted her to figure that out, problem was when she did I had gotten so attached and was heart broken when I had to let her go...stupid on my part but I had longed for that sort of connection for ages that my heart ran the plans not my brain as well.

A few others are going through very difficult short term blindsided breakups where they lied to them about pst relationships and ended up running back to their ex and some others...youíre not alone...she might have used you as a rebound and maybe she had gotten out of a recent relationship she hadnít told you about, school stress or family drama could be a cause...if sheís ignoring you now then youíll have to glo NC until she decides to explain or until you can move on...otherwise see why she suddenly got so anxious.
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Old 26th February 2018, 3:44 AM   #3
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Very strange, but perhaps someone else is in the picture?

If she was all in and then all out, there are obviously some pieces of the puzzle missing that she wasn't sharing. Suddenly feeling so anxious she needs to end it completely sounds off.
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Old 26th February 2018, 5:34 AM   #4
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I reckon she was using you to get over an ex.
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Old 26th February 2018, 6:40 AM   #5
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Yeh, that makes a lot of sense because she had hung out with her ex. I felt a bit uncomfortable with it but she claimed there was nothing there and she had mentioned her a few times saying they hung out as friends. Iím certain they werenít messaging much when we were together, but maybe she was just good at hiding it.
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Old 26th February 2018, 8:09 AM   #6
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Sounds like she was conflicted between you and her ex and made the choice by ending it with you.
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Old 26th February 2018, 12:20 PM   #7
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Ohhhh, that makes me feel like crap. After I admitted I felt weird about her hanging around with her ex, we had a very open discussion about my trust issues and how they had arisen. She said she would never hurt me in the way I had been hurt by my ex and that she had very strong feelings for me. That was week before she broke up with me. I donít know how Iím ever going to be able to trust anyone else again
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Old 26th February 2018, 2:29 PM   #8
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Just from hearing your side on things for us its just trying to paint a picture, we don't know the real reason to why she broke up with you

Like I said she might have been conflicted between you and her ex - its never good to remain friends with exs

She could have thought she was ready for a relationship but come to find she was wrong - only she knows the truth of her actions.

Don't lump this experience to not trust someone else who comes into the picture just be cautious
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Old 26th February 2018, 2:43 PM   #9
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I think that basically moving into her place at two months is what did you in. She may not have felt comfortable with that and didn’t know how to keep the relationship going while politely telling you to go home. So it built up and built up until she broke up with you by text.

Or it could have been the ex, or the entire relationship was a rebound, or some other reason...I don't think it's possible to know for sure with the info provided.
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Old 26th February 2018, 5:18 PM   #10
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Hmm it could be one of several things. Even though she talked about commitment all the time I got the feeling she wasn't quite ready for it. After breaking up with her ex two years ago she had only dated two people for around two months like me. She was exclusive with me, but had not been with them.

The relationship went too fast. She was very clingy and often wanted me to spend more time with her. The day before she broke up with me she even asked if we could face time on the evenings we didn't see each other. That caused the relationship to fall into a routine pretty quickly.

And yeh the third theory is her ex, but the way she talked about her and the contact between them suggested it was pretty dead.

What confused me most after she texted me to break up was she was surprised that I didn't want to speak to her anymore and told me I could message her if I wanted. In addition, when she dropped off my stuff at my parents' porch last week she wanted to speak, but I was out.
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Old 26th February 2018, 6:05 PM   #11
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Sounds like she still wants to possibly be on good terms with you, possibly due to keeping the door open in case she changes her mind? Or the possibility of a friendship, she sounds quite complicated to me.
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Old 26th February 2018, 6:16 PM   #12
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Yeh, I think she is and she has completely and utterly messed with my head. I would never ever be interested in getting back with her now, but I'm still completely dumbfounded by the break up because it's such a mystery to me. I guess I'll never know why she did it and I'll never know as I've shut off every manner of communication. I hope she doesn't leave another person reeling.
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Old 27th February 2018, 12:16 AM   #13
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I literally experienced that exact same thing to a T, besides the moving in part. Met a girl online, but we had some mutual friends and actually went to the same college. We are both 30 now, shes a teacher here.

We dated for about 6 weeks, she was very into me, would initiate text conversations when we were at work, would talk about things she wanted us to do together on the weekends, and seemed 100% interested.

She mentioned early on in our dating that she had anxiety (i should have paid more attention to that) she also was about 3 months out of a year long relationship. Here ex even called one night while we were together and she got upset saying "he shouldn't be doing this". I basically said hey you can't control who calls you, and shrugged it off.

Anyways, I noticed her starting to act a little distant. Then she sent a very long text basically saying I was basically perfect BUT she tends to over think things and has started to do so, she doesn't feel ready for a relationship and needs to get her confidence back up before she gets into a relationship. She also brought up her anxiety again saying she still sees a counselor every now and then for it. And I never heard from her again... all through a text. I was hurt and a bit upset. Felt pretty disrespectful to come into someones life, lead them to believe you are on the same page and then with the single click of your finger end it. But thats on her, and you need to realize that too.

What ever is going on with her is her own stuff, I thought I did something wrong for the longest time. I tortured myself trying to figure out what I could have done different or what I did might have brought this on. Truth is, I treated her with respect and genuinely cared for her. Believe me, I know how much it sucks, but you gotta gather yourself and press on, someone will appreciate you, guaranteed!

And to be honest, I'm guessing the woman I was dating got back with her ex. They had a year together, I was there for a little over a month, their history trumps me. I'm speculating but I'm guessing I was a rebound, and I learned from it.
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Old 27th February 2018, 11:21 AM   #14
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Extreme behaviour - almost living together, talking about your future, then anxiety and dumping. I've been there (as have many here) so just move on and be thankful you found out early on. That said I know you will find it hard to let go, as you will want the good times back. But things have moved on, she has shown NO LOYALTY, so just move on.
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Old 27th February 2018, 11:46 PM   #15
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Her ex is back in the picture. She needed a break from him and u were the fill in. Or
She thought to get over him she would jump into a relationship and speed things up so she wouldn't have time to look back on her past relationship.
But she was still hung up on her ex and it backfired.
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