LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > Breaking Up, Reconciliation & Coping > Breaks and Breaking Up

I think I ate a breadcrumb


Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

Like Tree49Likes
 
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 7th March 2018, 11:16 PM   #61
Established Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: Depends on the day
Posts: 1,009
How r u Jack
usa1ah is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 8th March 2018, 12:27 AM   #62
Established Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 75
Quote:
Originally Posted by Popsicle View Post
How's the new girl?
As usa1ah mentioned, that looks unlikely. It's a vibe thing.

I flirted with her a bit, to see if something was there, but it doesn't appear to be, so I'm just leaving it be.

It was a nice diversion though.
jackofmany is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 8th March 2018, 12:50 AM   #63
Established Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 75
Quote:
Originally Posted by Marc878 View Post
You're giving her the best of both worlds. She has a new boyfriend and you're "friends"?

So she's good.

Block and ignore if you want to move on.
We're not "friends".

If nothing else, she knows that.
jackofmany is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 8th March 2018, 1:05 AM   #64
Established Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: Depends on the day
Posts: 1,009
I think you should flirt some more with her.

You might have given up to quick. Remember your brain isnít running on all cylinders right now. Also, itís good practice as well as showing your not seating at home feeling sorry for yourself.
usa1ah is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 16th March 2018, 12:04 AM   #65
Established Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: Depends on the day
Posts: 1,009
So Jack how are things?
usa1ah is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 22nd March 2018, 6:33 PM   #66
Established Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 75
Quote:
Originally Posted by usa1ah View Post
So Jack how are things?
Um . . . okay. Foolish, but okay.

I know people are going to let me have it for this, but I'm going to tell the story. I'll try to be brief (not my strong suit).

There was no follow-up interaction after that last exchange, and as I said, I dropped my intentions for the other girl because, really, I could tell she was not interested and I learned from mutual friends a number of things that suggested we were probably not such a good match, though she is drop dead gorgeous, a trait to which I am susceptible.

For reasons entirely my own I had been working on understanding my ex, trying to see how she could act the way she has without being a bad person. I know you or someone else said find your anger for this one and move on, but I found that anger was keeping me closer to the situation. The less angry I was, the less I thought about her and the less I worried about running into her, which, as you can probably guess from the tone of this post, I did.

The difference is this time I felt ready. I saw her approaching me and a group of our common friends and I wasn't worried at all. I just smiled said hello and continued talking to other people in the group. We were about to head into a bar and get a drink. One of my other friends asked her to join. She did. I'm not sure how much he knows about what went down between us. I think he just did it instinctively.

Anyway, at one point it became obvious to me that she wanted to talk to me and we fell into what was our first real conversation since the breakup, meaning we didn't avoid any topics, nor pursue them too much. To be honest it was easy and sincere.

Too easy.

At some point she suggested talking somewhere else, like my place (yes, she suggested this) and I said sure.

This is not going exactly where you think, but it mostly is.

We talked some more. She obviously wanted to explain herself, but I told her I didn't really feel like talking about the breakup. Nonetheless she revealed that she was now living by herself in another town. She mentioned that she always maintained friendships with people she dated. I told her that was just not us, and she agreed.

She mentioned something about worrying that I could never trust her again, and I think I said I don't know.

But then it got back to saying how we missed each other and then we were kissing. No smash your face into each other kissing, but kissing for real. I will admit I was being intentionally charming. I didn't ask her whether or not she was still dating the other guy. For his sake, I hope not, but who knows?

This went on for a bit and it got pretty late and she said she should probably go. This is when, under different circumstances, I would have said, "You don't have to." But I walked her outside to her car, kissed her a few more times, and said goodbye.

I have done nothing since. Neither has she.

I suspect she is probably still seeing the other guy, as every other time we have had any kind of contact at all she has sent me texts of the "I love you and I miss you" nature, and then this happens and she sends nothing?

I think she got herself in over her head.

You have to trust me when I say the conversation was sincere. I don't think she meant to manipulate me consciously. I do however think there is something she gets from me that maybe this other guy doesn't give her, just as there is something she gets from him that I don't give her.

I am oddly okay, though clearly I have wandered onto some thin ice.

She seemed to want me to understand that she was confused about a lot of things when we broke up, that she felt lost. She also seemed to want me to know she wished I had fought for her more. That last part I don't agree with and I told her as much. When a woman says they want to stop being intimate with you and start being intimate with another man, what the hell else are you supposed to do but walk away?

Today I have been fighting off the urge -- again -- to text her. To say something like, "I'm glad we talked. Maybe some other time when no-one's been drinking we can try that again."

But then I think well that sounds pathetic, like all she had to do was snap her fingers and there I am again. So I've done nothing.

I am nervous about what I might have done here. I don't feel all that bad about it from the perspective of her relationship, if she is still in one. That's ego. That's me not giving the other guy respect because he didn't respect me. I should work past that.

I probably could have slept with her. And there was a part of me that thought if that situation ever came up, I would do it and then leave her, so she could feel what it was like. But I decided I don't want to be that person, and also I don't think I would really be able to keep my feelings out of it.

As it is, things were left in mid-air. Part of me knew something like this would eventually happen, because in my experience it almost always does.

I wonder what she is thinking. I bet she is nervous too, especially if she is still seeing that dude.
jackofmany is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 22nd March 2018, 7:06 PM   #67
Established Member
 
Marc878's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Georgia
Posts: 3,600
The one thing I see is she's not a very loyal person. If she does that behind his back she'll do it behind yours.

What's to like about this?

Not much I can see.
Marc878 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 22nd March 2018, 7:13 PM   #68
Established Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 75
Quote:
Originally Posted by Marc878 View Post
The one thing I see is she's not a very loyal person. If she does that behind his back she'll do it behind yours.

What's to like about this?

Not much I can see.
I agree. I don't know if she is still seeing him.

Either way, it's dangerous.
jackofmany is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 23rd March 2018, 3:55 AM   #69
Established Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 75
Quote:
Originally Posted by jackofmany View Post
I agree. I don't know if she is still seeing him.

Either way, it's dangerous.
This was edited because it was irrelevant.

Last edited by jackofmany; 23rd March 2018 at 7:32 AM..
jackofmany is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 23rd March 2018, 11:26 PM   #70
Established Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: Depends on the day
Posts: 1,009
Damn.

Did you at least get some of your questions answered?
usa1ah is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 24th March 2018, 9:52 PM   #71
Established Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 75
Quote:
Originally Posted by usa1ah View Post
Damn.

Did you at least get some of your questions answered?
Um . . . no, not really. All I did was put my head in a blender. That was a random run in, but she owns some responsibility for what happened (suggesting we talk at my place), as do I (agreeing to that, and escalating the contact).

She did seem to want to talk about things, but I was the one who turned it into a charm thing instead. It was like my badly bruised ego took over and wanted the validation of her response.

Either way, I ran into her the next night too. Talked some more, still not about the breakup, caught a ride home with her and then deliberately did not invite her in.

Along the way though a woman who I had had what I believed to be a few casual run ins saw me talking to her and let's just say *freaked out*. I have been super honest with this woman that she could not expect anything from me, and she appeared to be cool with it. Apparently not.

The situation is currently a mess. My feelings were not so faded that kissing my ex didn't cause me to start rationalizing all kinds of things. I'm still working on that, because I'm not sure she's done. Except for the fact that the other woman losing her mind might have scared her off.

I deeply regret having hurt someone in all of this. I should have known better. For all my complaining about being a rebound and how much it hurt, I let myself do that with someone else. I was upfront with her, but still.

As far as my ex though, I don't think I understand her much better at all. Except to say that I believe she genuinely is confused. I think she walks around in her beauty like a toddler walking around with a loaded weapon, not entirely sure why everyone is paying so much attention to her, and prone to shooting someone in the heart when she stumbles.

I know people will say no way, she's more manipulative than that. Maybe she is. But I'm just calling it how I see it. I think she has very little impulse control, partially because she pretty much always gets the guy she wants.
jackofmany is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 24th March 2018, 10:52 PM   #72
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2016
Posts: 2,585
That's a good analogy, and likely very apt.

Women don't think the way most guys do because they have completely different life experiences. The better looking, the more vast those differences are.

If she is attractive she has likely never had to make any effort whatsoever into finding male attention. You can see it here when people talk about OLD experience. A lot of the women are shocked to learn that guys do not have the same experience as them. A lot of them post and say how great it was and can't comprehend the struggles that most men experience. I remember talking to a girl at work years ago after a breakup and her response was "Why don't you just get another girlfriend?" Like she couldn't comprehend what that process entails for a guy.

I've actually seen documentaries where they show how young girls (when they just learn how to talk) are manipulating people around them to get what they want. They may not be consciously doing it, but they are. It's almost like when a dog wants a treat - they tend to make themselves exceptionally cute. I doubt my dog has the intelligence to say to herself "I'm going to make my eyes bigger and act cuter because I happen to be near the treat container." But she does nonetheless.

So yes, perhaps your ex is not aware of her manipulation but it doesn't make it any better for you...actually it might make it worse. At least she might feel guilty after a while if she was doing it intentionally.

I tried to get my ex to change her mind for three months and it was torture. I was not aware of another guy but there probably was because with women there always is. We were sleeping together frequently but in the end it did nothing but make it harder.

You have to do what's right for you but realize this chick is bad news and will bring you nothing but pain. She is manipulative, disloyal, and self serving. The sooner you cut ties, the less it will hurt in the long run and the quicker you'll get over it.

Easy to play armchair quarterback (I recall the pull of my ex was like a heroine addiction), but if I could do it all over again I would have cut ties immediately...or rather never have asked her out 7 years prior...

Good luck brother.
SevenCity is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 24th March 2018, 11:39 PM   #73
Established Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: Depends on the day
Posts: 1,009
Quote:
Originally Posted by jackofmany View Post
Um . . . no, not really. All I did was put my head in a blender. That was a random run in, but she owns some responsibility for what happened (suggesting we talk at my place), as do I (agreeing to that, and escalating the contact).

She did seem to want to talk about things, but I was the one who turned it into a charm thing instead. It was like my badly bruised ego took over and wanted the validation of her response.

Either way, I ran into her the next night too. Talked some more, still not about the breakup, caught a ride home with her and then deliberately did not invite her in.

Along the way though a woman who I had had what I believed to be a few casual run ins saw me talking to her and let's just say *freaked out*. I have been super honest with this woman that she could not expect anything from me, and she appeared to be cool with it. Apparently not.

The situation is currently a mess. My feelings were not so faded that kissing my ex didn't cause me to start rationalizing all kinds of things. I'm still working on that, because I'm not sure she's done. Except for the fact that the other woman losing her mind might have scared her off.

I deeply regret having hurt someone in all of this. I should have known better. For all my complaining about being a rebound and how much it hurt, I let myself do that with someone else. I was upfront with her, but still.

As far as my ex though, I don't think I understand her much better at all. Except to say that I believe she genuinely is confused. I think she walks around in her beauty like a toddler walking around with a loaded weapon, not entirely sure why everyone is paying so much attention to her, and prone to shooting someone in the heart when she stumbles.

I know people will say no way, she's more manipulative than that. Maybe she is. But I'm just calling it how I see it. I think she has very little impulse control, partially because she pretty much always gets the guy she wants.
You know she is going to mind **** you if you continue down this path.

Do The 180 and stick to it man. Also apologize to the other girl if you can. Like you said your were up front but still know how it feels.

Is it another day another stumble?
usa1ah is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 25th March 2018, 12:07 AM   #74
Established Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 75
Quote:
Originally Posted by SevenCity View Post
That's a good analogy, and likely very apt.

We were sleeping together frequently but in the end it did nothing but make it harder.

You have to do what's right for you but realize this chick is bad news and will bring you nothing but pain. She is manipulative, disloyal, and self serving. The sooner you cut ties, the less it will hurt in the long run and the quicker you'll get over it.

Easy to play armchair quarterback (I recall the pull of my ex was like a heroine addiction), but if I could do it all over again I would have cut ties immediately...or rather never have asked her out 7 years prior...

Good luck brother.
Thanks Man. I don't expect it to be easy for the next couple weeks or so. The heroin addiction analogy is also very apt, and one that I swear to you I was just using with a friend on the phone in the last hour or two.

When I mentioned that I felt prepared when I saw her that night, I meant it. I didn't feel nervous at all. I might have been on the cusp on that benign indifference we all shoot for. In other words, it was as if I had just walked out of a months long detox.

Her walking up and talking was no big deal. Her coming back to my apartment was like having a bad of heroin slammed down in front of your face in the Uber back from your rehab. I'm straining the metaphor, but I hope you get the point.

Not inviting her in the next night was hard. Not doing anything now is hard. Just those few kisses and the jones for her threatens to obliterate my memory of just how hard it has been getting here.

And I've done that too, what you mentioned, gotten back together with exes, slept with them for a while, even had some great romantic times, only to have it all blow up in the end, worse than the first time around. So I feel you.

I've read your responses here, and on some other threads. You seem like a pretty cool headed guy too. I really appreciate your time.

I do wish I hadn't hurt the other girl, and also that she wasn't crazy, because I get the feeling she is going to be hard to shake for a while, and I can't quite figure out how to do that without hurting her further and risking another blow up.
jackofmany is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 25th March 2018, 12:15 AM   #75
Established Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 75
Quote:
Originally Posted by usa1ah View Post
You know she is going to mind **** you if you continue down this path.

Do The 180 and stick to it man. Also apologize to the other girl if you can. Like you said your were up front but still know how it feels.

Is it another day another stumble?
I've apologized to the other girl. She is crazy, and I'm not sure that will help. That was a bad move on my part.

My ex is kind of mind **** ing me already, as you no doubt picked up on. I genuinely don't think she does it on purpose, but she does it. It comes from some deep insecurity, I think.

I can't stand that I made someone feel like that. Crazy or not. I can't stand it.

Of all people, I should know better.

I've got quite the knot to untangle now. Mea culpa.

And as SevenCity suggested, the heroin analogy is appropriate. It's like I'm addicted to her. Even when she drove away and I knew it was the right thing, a part of me was dying to see her go.

You've been exceptional with your support through all of this. So thanks man. I hope not to have to return the favor some day, but I would be honored to if it were ever necessary.

Last edited by jackofmany; 25th March 2018 at 12:34 AM.. Reason: spelling
jackofmany is offline   Reply With Quote
 

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

 

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Is this even a breadcrumb or wtf does it mean? Chronograph Coping 8 10th October 2015 5:28 AM
Breadcrumb? Moley87 Breaks and Breaking Up 7 26th May 2015 6:10 AM
another breadcrumb brokeNlost Coping 26 11th May 2014 4:26 PM
What does this mean? Is it a breadcrumb? NYCGuy22 Breaks and Breaking Up 2 9th July 2013 9:48 PM
Breadcrumb... Well, not really. mtnbiker3000 Breaks and Breaking Up 4 18th June 2013 11:32 AM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 5:38 PM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2018 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.