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Noticed ex defriended me on FB, and having mixed emotions.


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Hi everyone. Long story short: I dated my ex for almost 4 years. We broke up once after 2 years, then got back after 6 months. Last november, we broke up again. He just got into med school and had been acting strange: going out in bars, going out with friends he doesnt usually go out with, etc. (more like GIGs kind of break up). I tried to save the relationship until one night we talked and at that time he didnt know whether we should break up or ask for some space. So I said I'll give him a week to decide things. He finally broke up with me but I sent him a long text saying thank you, goodbye and good luck. Etc. After that, i never contacted him anymore not even on his bday.

 

It's been 2 months and about 3 weeks since and we havent heard from each other ever since. Tho i found out thru my bestfriend that he dated another girl right after 2 weeks after breakup. Then one day i was at the mall with my cousins when suddenly i saw his brother and i was about to say hi when he turned back around. 2 days later, my aunt told me he saw my ex with that exact brother on the same day at the mall. So i figured they were together when i saw his brother. Maybe my ex was hiding then.

 

So tell me... What could be the possible reasons he's hiding from me? I would have said hi and didnt mind at all. Hmm...

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Most likely:

 

He knows that you found out about the other girl he dated, conveniently closely to breaking up with you. He thinks that you probably put 2 and 2 together and figured out that he was cheating on you before breaking up. And he figured that you probably would have started an uncomfortable confrontation in a public place, so he chose to avoid.

 

Or it could be that he simply didn't want to talk to you.

 

The bigger question is: why do you care so much about him and the motivation for his actions?

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The bigger question is: why do you care so much about him and the motivation for his actions?

 

Thanks for your reply. Maybe a part of me just wanted to say Hi and see how he's been. Plus, I guess it sucks how after how many years of closeness and being together, it would all lead down to hiding from each other everytime we see each other.

 

Or maybe... I'm just not completely over it yet. *Sigh. Maybe it was a good thing I didnt see him anyway. :)

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Maybe it was a good thing I didnt see him anyway. :)

Exactly... after a 4 year relationship, 3 months is very soon to be having a cordial, emotion-free conversation.

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I dont think he was hiding, I think he was just avoiding you. A guy I was seeing did the exact same thing. He didnt want to talk to you. If he did, he would have said hello. Also, I dont think going out to bars and staying out late is a strange thing when you're single.

 

Don't look too much into why he is doing things and focus on your moving on instead.

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Perhaps he was in the mall but was in a store at the time you saw his brother and wasn't knowingly avoiding anything.

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I dont think he was hiding, I think he was just avoiding you. A guy I was seeing did the exact same thing. He didnt want to talk to you. If he did, he would have said hello. Also, I dont think going out to bars and staying out late is a strange thing when you're single.

 

Don't look too much into why he is doing things and focus on your moving on instead.

 

You're right. By the way, I meant he started going out in bars right before the break up which was strange because he used to be not like that. Sorry if there was a misunderstanding with my OP.

 

That's just what I wanted to know though. Why would someone try to avoid you, is he guilty? He first said he wanted to friends. And the brother did saw me, even my cousins told me that. And suddenly walked away when I was about to say Hi. Which was weird because his family still comments on to my fb posts. But oh well, you're right. I shouldnt read on it too much. Just hinders my moving on process.

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I doubt your ex was hiding from you, he clearly doesn’t care about you.

 

That's funny though. Because although I did not include this in my OP, He once met up with my bestfriend over for dinner. That was this First week of January. He asked a lot about me and how ive been doing. Which is funny because if you CLEARLY want to break up like a normal person, you would stop all contact and let it go blabla. Why would you make all the effort to meet with my best friend over for dinner and ask a lot. Also, my bestfriend is also close with him so it's not that they're interested with each other or something.

 

I dont mean this to tell you that he still cares. I mean that he's been doing weird things since the break up. Doing things that contradict whatever he's been saying. Like wanting to be friends but avoiding to say hi and hello. I figured maybe he's just guilty or this is the side effect of the NO CONTACT. that it has made him realize what he's done, and he's too shy to show up to my face after everything and say hi?? Haha i dont know why im thinking these things,maybe this is just my coping way of moving on :laugh: but a little explanation from another person would be nice :)

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Perhaps he was in the mall but was in a store at the time you saw his brother and wasn't knowingly avoiding anything.

 

Thats the funny thing because his brother looked twice and when i was about to say hi, he suddenly walked away like he was in a hurry or forgot something. But yeah,thats possible too.

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Oh he more then likely hid. When people know they haven't done someone right they get flighty. That guilt gets to them.

I dated this person once and we broke up. We had the long talk and during it she stated she felt she needed to be alone to find herself. The break up wasn't bad by any means.

So about 3 weeks latter I'm shopping and I see her in a store- she is with another man and sees me and literally turns around and speed walks away leaving the man by himself. And like I said it wasn't a bad break up.

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Seems kind of obvious. He doesn't want to talk to you. I only hid from one guy and it was because I knew he'd just hit on me and I didn't want to deal with it or have to say no or have to talk to him. There's not much else it CAN mean.

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Oh he more then likely hid. When people know they haven't done someone right they get flighty. That guilt gets to them.

I dated this person once and we broke up. We had the long talk and during it she stated she felt she needed to be alone to find herself. The break up wasn't bad by any means.

So about 3 weeks latter I'm shopping and I see her in a store- she is with another man and sees me and literally turns around and speed walks away leaving the man by himself. And like I said it wasn't a bad break up.

 

Same kind of break up, same reason. Thank you.

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Question, you seem like you don’t want him...am I right?

 

So, why such curiosity why he walked away?

 

Hmmm. I don't know. Maybe it was kinda weird that he'd do such a thing. I mean, he first said he wanted to friends... and now he couldn't even say Hi to my face. :laugh:

 

Anyway, I guess I shouldn't take it all that personally. :laugh:

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Thank you everyone for your replies. Reading and replying to your replies made me realize things, and that definitely made me feel better. That's what I love about this forum!

 

I learned I shouldn't take it personally. Whatever really happened, and whatever his reason was, it's all him. And I should not focus on that. I should focus on myself and just keep moving on. I mean, I have to admit, just posting in this forum and reading too much into that "SIMPLE" situation showed how I'm not completely over it. So I'll just keep moving anyway :) Thank you everyone!!! You guys are amazing :)

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  • 3 weeks later...
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Hi. It has been 3 Months+ and NC since the break up and I have to say I have been doing quite well. I was happy for most parts and although at times I missed him, I've done everything to distract myself. In fact, i thought i was doing fine.

 

Until today, after 1 month of not being on instagram. I opened it again today, because i thought it'll be okay. By the way, his new girl is one of my acquaintances,though we're not really friends. But we had been following each other on IG. she's literally liking every post i see on the feed UNTIL i clicked ?

 

I didnt look at her pics though cus i know there's no good in snooping around. But i did saw that my ex is following her. When before, he wouldnt even open his instagram account and follow me even though i asked him many times. I know it's no big deal and it's silly how this affected me so much.

 

Maybe it's the feeling that he's doing things for her that he didn't do for me. And it felt so unfair. And btw, this is not the only thing that he did for her that he didn't for me. There were lots of instances that i knew. But this one just affected me today. Also, they dated 2 weeks right after the break up, but i knew it deep down that they already dated even before we broke up.

 

I'm hoping somehow for a little bit of comfort here. Please dont say this is silly, because I know. I know that im making a big deal out of something that doesnt even matter. Maybe i just need a little something to make me feel better. It sucks :(

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I'm so sorry for what you are going thru, this is a really tough situation.

 

All I can say was the minute I stopped following my ex on instagram, was the minute I started really healing. I went thru the same situation as you. I saw my ex following her instagram, liking her pictures.... and even the dreaded comment. I felt like I was being punched in the stomach.

 

After that day, I promised myself I would not look at his instagram again. Every time I thought about it, I just remember the pain of when I saw his comment... and said no. I'm choosing me, my health, my sanity, my healing. I am choosing to love myself and invest in myself.

 

Anyways hugs my friend. You are not alone.

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I'm so sorry for what you are going thru, this is a really tough situation.

 

All I can say was the minute I stopped following my ex on instagram, was the minute I started really healing. I went thru the same situation as you. I saw my ex following her instagram, liking her pictures.... and even the dreaded comment. I felt like I was being punched in the stomach.

 

After that day, I promised myself I would not look at his instagram again. Every time I thought about it, I just remember the pain of when I saw his comment... and said no. I'm choosing me, my health, my sanity, my healing. I am choosing to love myself and invest in myself.

 

Anyways hugs my friend. You are not alone.

 

Thank you for not judging my situation. I've done it lots of times already, promising im not gonna snoop around again. Then there goes the curiosity. :( I'm so happy for your progress though. How long have u two been broken up?

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todreaminblue

i know it hurts...felt it myself.....when my girls would come back from a holiday with their dad where they stayed at a beach with him and his then partner....or when i saw photos of her holding my grandkids at dinners or kissing my daughters.....there was a whole range of emotions i felt.....that i couldn't really cope with so i would just cry.....it was like two stabs to the heart one my ex abandoned my girls for her....i was the one who had to hold them while they sobbed their hearts out take them to counselling deal with the issues ....school refusal...hard times.....single motherhood.....and there she is....kissing them and everyone smiling at me though a photo..saying see i got them all you are nothing.......i get the smiles ...and the fun..while you get the tears and their pain....when they come back because they miss their father...no holiday and smiles for you for a while...........that's how i felt.... it was tough and heartbreaking so i didn't look at the photos.....self preservation......i blocked them from facebook and they still are....even though he is no longer with her..

 

time is the only healer i can give you i understand your pain...little by little your pain will fade.......i suggest you block and delete for your own sanity....i wish you peace mayo and it will come....i hope its soon for you...deb

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i know it hurts...felt it myself.....when my girls would come back from a holiday with their dad where they stayed at a beach with him and his then partner....or when i saw photos of her holding my grandkids at dinners or kissing my daughters.....there was a whole range of emotions i felt.....that i couldn't really cope with so i would just cry.....it was like two stabs to the heart one my ex abandoned my girls for her....i was the one who had to hold them while they sobbed their hearts out take them to counselling deal with the issues ....school refusal...hard times.....single motherhood.....and there she is....kissing them and everyone smiling at me though a photo..saying see i got them all you are nothing.......i get the smiles ...and the fun..while you get the tears and their pain....when they come back because they miss their father...no holiday and smiles for you for a while...........that's how i felt.... it was tough and heartbreaking so i didn't look at the photos.....self preservation......i blocked them from facebook and they still are....even though he is no longer with her..

 

time is the only healer i can give you i understand your pain...little by little your pain will fade.......i suggest you block and delete for your own sanity....i wish you peace mayo and it will come....i hope its soon for you...deb

 

Hello Deb. Wow, here i am feeling bad about something so silly when you had a worse case of it. I'm sorry for what you have been through. Thank you for taking the time to give me some comfort. It feels good knowing Im not so alone in this battle.

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todreaminblue
Hello Deb. Wow, here i am feeling bad about something so silly when you had a worse case of it. I'm sorry for what you have been through. Thank you for taking the time to give me some comfort. It feels good knowing Im not so alone in this battle.

 

please dont feel silly.... your pain is no less than mine pain is pain.mine is not worse..it wasnt my intention to make you feel anything but supported and understood..i wanted you to know that it will fade ...mine did...it will just take time there is no limit to that time......pain no matter how much or how little you feel it means.... is felt the same by me and by everyone.....sending hugs to you mayo....you arent alone...ever..angels gather to surround you.....they take the pain little by little...broken people no matter how broken...are surrounded by angels..........deb

Edited by todreaminblue
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