LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > Breaking Up, Reconciliation & Coping > Breaks and Breaking Up

He dumped me? [Update from merged threads]


Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

Like Tree106Likes
 
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 14th February 2018, 2:38 PM   #16
Established Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: London
Posts: 135
Quote:
Originally Posted by kendahke View Post
Never pay attention to what they say: always pay attention to their actions.

What is he doing? According to you, you found out exactly what he has been doing.

The question is: why are you still with a liar? Why are you with someone you can't talk to and can't trust? That will make you old before your time.

<snip>
But he wasnt really talking to her until 2 days ago. I wonder how he suddenly changed his mind. And why is he still remembering her? What happened between them was in June and now its February. Today was Valentines but he didnt go to his old uni so does that mean he doesnt care for her?

----

And how is he seeking her out? As per my information tgat was given to me, I found the hair thing very bothering.
He used to have long hair and now hes cut it and she asked him about it and he was like yeah its all gone and does it look bad and she most likely he looks great and they basically smiled and laughed. This is a red flag or am i overreacting?

Last edited by LoveShack.org Moderator; 14th February 2018 at 2:44 PM.. Reason: Truncate quote - add content
natashalove is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 14th February 2018, 3:06 PM   #17
Established Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 515
It doesn't really matter what is going on. The fact that you're worried, and afraid to discuss it because of his temper, is enough that you should end this relationship.
Davey L is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 14th February 2018, 3:11 PM   #18
Established Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: London
Posts: 135
Quote:
Originally Posted by Davey L View Post
It doesn't really matter what is going on. The fact that you're worried, and afraid to discuss it because of his temper, is enough that you should end this relationship.
It really does matter. I need to know this as he will never tell me about her.
natashalove is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 14th February 2018, 4:03 PM   #19
Established Member
 
smackie9's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Surrey BC Canada
Posts: 13,424
So what are you going to do when it is confirmed he still has feeling for her?
__________________

You are a fool if you believe that having each others passwords = trust.
smackie9 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 14th February 2018, 5:32 PM   #20
Established Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: London
Posts: 135
Quote:
Originally Posted by smackie9 View Post
So what are you going to do when it is confirmed he still has feeling for her?
I will confront him and if he gets mad at me then I am not staying anymore. That is why i need to know because he wont tell me. He never told me there was some girl he was in love with and he still has her in his head. I never knew
natashalove is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 14th February 2018, 5:34 PM   #21
Established Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: Antipodes
Posts: 9,436
Quote:
Originally Posted by natashalove View Post
But he wasnt really talking to her until 2 days ago. I wonder how he suddenly changed his mind. And why is he still remembering her? What happened between them was in June and now its February. Today was Valentines but he didnt go to his old uni so does that mean he doesnt care for her?
Perhaps you forget about people you haven't seen for months on end, but most of us don't. Add unrequited love to the mix and he's probably had a fire burning for her all this time. Him holding a flame isn't uncommon at all.
----

Quote:
Originally Posted by natashalove View Post
And how is he seeking her out? As per my information tgat was given to me, I found the hair thing very bothering.
He used to have long hair and now hes cut it and she asked him about it and he was like yeah its all gone and does it look bad and she most likely he looks great and they basically smiled and laughed. This is a red flag or am i overreacting?
He knows where to find her. He knows a haircut will impress her.

And in answer to your previous question, he's probably using you to try and distract himself from her. He's not the first person to do it and won't be the last. Apparently his attempt at distracting himself is not working very well.

Sweetie, why do you not see that these are all GIANT RED FLAGS?
basil67 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 14th February 2018, 6:36 PM   #22
Established Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: London
Posts: 135
Quote:
Originally Posted by basil67 View Post
Perhaps you forget about people you haven't seen for months on end, but most of us don't. Add unrequited love to the mix and he's probably had a fire burning for her all this time. Him holding a flame isn't uncommon at all.
----



He knows where to find her. He knows a haircut will impress her.

And in answer to your previous question, he's probably using you to try and distract himself from her. He's not the first person to do it and won't be the last. Apparently his attempt at distracting himself is not working very well.

Sweetie, why do you not see that these are all GIANT RED FLAGS?
It was not unrequited love. It was mutual on both ends but his temper got the worst out of him with her too. Btw he cut his hair as he is looking for jobs. He didnt even know that she will come back until they ran into one another. And after 2 months of not talking to her, he finally did .
natashalove is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 14th February 2018, 6:55 PM   #23
Established Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Chicago
Posts: 2,639
Quote:
Originally Posted by natashalove View Post
So my boyfriend of 4 months has recently been visiting his university (he graduated last year) and I found out that he was talking to the same girl he was in love or say had a serious crush on. They would have been couple had the term not ended and he wasn't graduating. This is the same girl he was obsessed with and was crazy about.

This was mutual feelings situation and they both were head over heels into each other. But things did not work out as they met when the term ended and he was returning back to his home country.

However, he moved back to the same city and has been going to his old university for left over work and I found out that the girl still studies there and on every time he went, they ENCOUNTERED each other. EVERY SINGLE TIME.

Though they didn't speak until yesterday. I also found out that he basically told him everything about his current life. Like where he works, what is he doing etc.
And he also didn't mention that he had a girlfriend when the girl sked her if he was free this week. He just said he has things to do.

Tell me why would a guy who hasn't seen this girl in over 8 months, whom he was in love with, clearly remember her and even talk in a friendly manner? This is no random girl. Those two even attempted to go out but couldn't. And she is extremely beautiful , at least in his eyes.

A friend of mine, who still studies there saw them and its bothering me so much.This friend of mine knew he liked her as she had caught him staring at her multiple times and even saw them have their first conversation last year.

My boyfriend is short tempered so I don't want to bug him but this is unacceptable. This is no regular girl but a girl he fell for rather hard. Why even attempt to talk to her and tell her everything even if she asked him?

Why couldn't he just ignore her like he was doing? My friend mentioned that out of all printers, he chose the ones situated BESIDE HER to scan his documents. And they also looked at each other multiple times before they started chatting.

Why even remember this girl?

You already know the answers to your questions. I suspect you want somebody to talk you down or encourage you to act in a decisive manner.

I will provide encouragemant to act ina decisive manner.

Please read yoru first post, reread it, and then do what you need to do.

I turned 53 today. I'll tell you now that life is far too short to spend with ANYONE who can't love you the way you deserve.
Don't settle and get rid of this dummy. He is so blatant about it he is on the borderline of abject stupidity.


There are guys out there that wold kill to have a girlfriend like you. So stop limiting your horizons and suppressing your own happiness for a guy that really does not seem to be into you enough to be faithful.

Guys like that are guys that end up being alone in their 50's and 60's because they played around too much no one would want to date them for fear of STD's on their own by that age....

Forget about this one...you are better than accepting his silly Lounge Act.
Space Ritual is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 14th February 2018, 8:12 PM   #24
Established Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: Queensland, Australia
Posts: 313
Quote:
Originally Posted by natashalove View Post

Am I rebound?
I don't think it really matters whether you're the rebound girlfriend or not. What matters is that your subconscious is telling you not to trust him. He didn't mention you to her because he wants her to think he's available. If he was committed to the relationship with you he would have told her he had a girlfriend straight up. It's as simple as that. If you questioned him about it I would be willing to bet $50 that he would get annoyed and tell you that you're insecure and paranoid, and he would be furious if he knew other people had been discussing his behaviour with you, because that's how guys like him operate. When telling this girl about his life he's whited you out as if you don't even exist. That's plenty of reason to flick him. Or else you can stay in denial and stick around to have your self esteem trampled.
MsJayne is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 15th February 2018, 3:13 AM   #25
Established Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: London
Posts: 135
He spoke to her when he was alone. Exactly like he did last year. He kept watching her and when she saw him, she also did then initiated the comvo.

Was he just looking for the perfect oppprtunity to catch her alone and hoping she would talk? As he had messed up his relationship with her?
natashalove is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 15th February 2018, 10:49 AM   #26
Established Member
 
skywriter's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: southeast, usa
Posts: 2,212
Quote:
Originally Posted by Space Ritual View Post
You already know the answers to your questions. I suspect you want somebody to talk you down or encourage you to act in a decisive manner.

I will provide encouragemant to act ina decisive manner.

Please read yoru first post, reread it, and then do what you need to do.

I turned 53 today. I'll tell you now that life is far too short to spend with ANYONE who can't love you the way you deserve.
Don't settle and get rid of this dummy. He is so blatant about it he is on the borderline of abject stupidity.


There are guys out there that wold kill to have a girlfriend like you. So stop limiting your horizons and suppressing your own happiness for a guy that really does not seem to be into you enough to be faithful.

Guys like that are guys that end up being alone in their 50's and 60's because they played around too much no one would want to date them for fear of STD's on their own by that age....

Forget about this one...you are better than accepting his silly Lounge Act.
^ What he said^ Happy belated birthday Space Ritual!
__________________
The time is gone, the song is over,
thought I'd something more to say.
Pink Floyd
skywriter is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 15th February 2018, 11:16 AM   #27
Established Member
 
kendahke's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: 38.978447, -77.018515
Posts: 6,935
Quote:
Originally Posted by natashalove View Post
But he wasnt really talking to her until 2 days ago. I wonder how he suddenly changed his mind. And why is he still remembering her? What happened between them was in June and now its February. Today was Valentines but he didnt go to his old uni so does that mean he doesnt care for her?

----

And how is he seeking her out? As per my information tgat was given to me, I found the hair thing very bothering.
He used to have long hair and now hes cut it and she asked him about it and he was like yeah its all gone and does it look bad and she most likely he looks great and they basically smiled and laughed. This is a red flag or am i overreacting?
The question is: why are you still with a liar? Why are you with someone you can't talk to and can't trust? That will make you old before your time.
__________________
If the person you're with treats you in any way other than well, and you keep sticking around trying to make it work, you're no longer a victim of what they're doing--you're a volunteer. ~ Derrick Jaxn
kendahke is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 15th February 2018, 11:18 AM   #28
Established Member
 
kendahke's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: 38.978447, -77.018515
Posts: 6,935
Quote:
Originally Posted by natashalove View Post
I will confront him and if he gets mad at me then I am not staying anymore. That is why i need to know because he wont tell me. He never told me there was some girl he was in love with and he still has her in his head. I never knew
You can do this already by just following your gut. Why don't you trust your own instincts?

He's never going to tell you and we don't know him, so we can't tell you what he will or won't do. You already know you're dealing with a liar and liars make you crazy.

Confronting him will just show him that he's right to keep doing what he's doing. You'll lose your dignity over a liar. Squander that on someone more worthwhile than a liar.
kendahke is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 15th February 2018, 11:23 AM   #29
Established Member
 
kendahke's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: 38.978447, -77.018515
Posts: 6,935
Quote:
Originally Posted by natashalove View Post
He spoke to her when he was alone. Exactly like he did last year. He kept watching her and when she saw him, she also did then initiated the comvo.

Was he just looking for the perfect oppprtunity to catch her alone and hoping she would talk? As he had messed up his relationship with her?
Yes and yes. It's exactly what your instincts are telling you it is.

Your relationship is over except for the breaking up if he's seeking out someone else or allowing them to reach out and take hold of him.
kendahke is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 15th February 2018, 11:37 AM   #30
Established Member
 
smackie9's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Surrey BC Canada
Posts: 13,424
So if he never confesses, you will forever be chained to him even tho his actions say he does still have feeling for her?
smackie9 is offline   Reply With Quote
 

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

 


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 10:03 AM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2018 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.