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Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

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Old 7th March 2018, 12:14 PM   #91
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Originally Posted by chassmash View Post
I'm about a month ahead of you.

You need to find things to distract you. Personally I'm analyzing my shortcomings and making concerted efforts to fix them. By that I mean getting in great shape, confronting demons, fighting to get better. Wallowing is a total waste of life.


I agree. Ive been seeing a therapist and mostly talking about her shortcomings. The next time I plan to hit on my own.


Are you feeling better now than you were a month ago?
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Old 7th March 2018, 2:57 PM   #92
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Originally Posted by TeddyPSmith View Post
never mind. feel like crap again and missing her like crazy this morning. lol


I vacillate every 6 hours on this. what the heck
I think feeling like this is very common. My emotions seems to change by the minute. It's still hard to believe I probably won't ever talk to her or see her again.

I'm trying something new now, every time I start thinking of her or think of a good memory I instantly think of something negative about her and it helps a little. Some days are better than others. We just keep on pushing through.

We all got this... we have no choice lol
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Old 8th March 2018, 1:51 AM   #93
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Teddy I am hijacking your thread lol... So tonight my hockey team was in the semi-finals and we won 5-4 and I scored 3 goals including the game winner in overtime. I know no one here cares, but my ex used to and normally I would text right after every game. So instead I am posting it here cuz someone needs to know!
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Old 8th March 2018, 6:09 AM   #94
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Hijack away! Man thatís awesome! Itís also great that youíre out playing hockey. I totally get the need to share those things. Itís one of the hardest parts to not have anymore so feel free to come here and shout from the rooftops
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Old 8th March 2018, 6:10 AM   #95
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I also started posting in the Coping section of this forum under ďhow are you coping todayĒ. Check it out. There are some fresh perspectives on there pretty often.
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Old 9th March 2018, 11:26 PM   #96
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Still here. Still feeling like ****. Sick of feeling this way. It seems like it could go on for years. I just canít get over how done she is. She always got upset with me but instantly walked it back and wanted to be with me. I guess a switch just flipped. I just want to hold her again and love her.
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Old 10th March 2018, 9:48 AM   #97
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As I sit here flipping through Bumble and Tinder, I remember just how weird and special she was. I was instantly smitten when I met her. Sheís just so real and raw. Iíve never loved anyone like that before and I donít think anyone else will ever compare. I feel like she ruined me. I have a feeling Iím not the only guy sheís done that too. Some girls just have the ability to tweak guys.
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Old 10th March 2018, 2:31 PM   #98
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Originally Posted by TeddyPSmith View Post
As I sit here flipping through Bumble and Tinder, I remember just how weird and special she was. I was instantly smitten when I met her. Sheís just so real and raw. Iíve never loved anyone like that before and I donít think anyone else will ever compare. I feel like she ruined me. I have a feeling Iím not the only guy sheís done that too. Some girls just have the ability to tweak guys.
Keep hanging in there. I know weekend nights are the worst. Fortunately for me, I have a different ex who is helping me fill the void of my current ex. She came over last night and spent the night and it helped me take my mind off of current ex. Tomorrow I am supposed to have a date with another girl that I met online. I am TRYING everything to kick this feeling.

Today is 5 weeks since the BU and 1 week since I have given up hope. I had a real good therapy session on Thursday and the therapist really opened up my eyes to some things. It was helpful, but doesn't bring back the ex. I am just going to focus on finishing grad school and being more kind to myself. I am super hard on myself and put huge expectations for success. I think when a failure happens in my life, I beat myself up over it. That is probably why i get so down and miss her so much. I want that successful, happy feeling back.
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Old 10th March 2018, 3:08 PM   #99
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Man Iím exactly the same way. Super driven and really punish myself for mistakes. It usually helps in my career but not so much with relationships. Sometimes I expect too much out of the person.

Good for you for getting back out there. Thatís probably a great way to kick it.
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Old 10th March 2018, 7:18 PM   #100
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Originally Posted by TeddyPSmith View Post
Man Iím exactly the same way. Super driven and really punish myself for mistakes. It usually helps in my career but not so much with relationships. Sometimes I expect too much out of the person.

Good for you for getting back out there. Thatís probably a great way to kick it.
It's basically me forcing myself to get back out there. If I allowed myself to have my own way, I would isolate and live in a pretend world where I would wait for my ex to come back. I know this from experience lol. Can't do that again.

Got anything fun going on this weekend?
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Old 10th March 2018, 7:20 PM   #101
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Originally Posted by TeddyPSmith View Post
Man Iím exactly the same way. Super driven and really punish myself for mistakes. It usually helps in my career but not so much with relationships. Sometimes I expect too much out of the person.

Good for you for getting back out there. Thatís probably a great way to kick it.
I wouldn't have thought it was a good way to kick it. He's just gonna string a new girl along when he is still in love with his ex. It's not going to help him anyway just drag someone else into it. If you don't respect yourself then have a bit of respect for the girls you are seeing. At least tell them about the mess you are in and let them decide then if they want to stay.

At this point you need to give yourself time to heal. You have a daughter. You have all the help you will ever need right there. Do what's right by your daughter and you will be fine. Don't be comparing yourself to her new step daddy. Like a previous poster said you don't know what's going on behind closed doors. What you do want is a loving relationship for her mammy so she will be looked after while you aren't there.

There are no time lines unfortunately. I am introverted so my recovery probably took alot more time than most! Reading your thread had brought some of the pain back that I have dealt with. You just have to give it as much time as it needs. It's a work in progress for everybody. I always thought I was strong but the past 18 months has shown me the error of my ways. Time is a great healer. We all have regrets but the trick is not to swell on them. Get on with your new life and show your daughter that you love her. Give her reasons to love being with you. She will get you through it.
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Old 11th March 2018, 9:24 AM   #102
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I wouldn't have thought it was a good way to kick it. He's just gonna string a new girl along when he is still in love with his ex. It's not going to help him anyway just drag someone else into it. If you don't respect yourself then have a bit of respect for the girls you are seeing. At least tell them about the mess you are in and let them decide then if they want to stay.
Just to be clear, I am not stringing anyone along. I've tried the sit back and wait method in the past, and all that did for me was make me constantly overthink the breakup. That put me into a deep depression. I know what I want, and that is to find someone to spend my life with. That doesn't happen sitting in my bedroom listening to sad songs. That doesn't happen by me sitting on the couch reading a book. I have to get back out there, that is MY healing method. If there is something missing in my life, it is my job to take the necessary chances to make it happen.

This girl I am meeting today sounds great, and I am excited and hopeful. I think I deserve to feel excitement and nervousness (the good kind) again. I can't wait around forever.
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Old 11th March 2018, 11:15 AM   #103
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Breadbin - thanks for advice. Iím also pretty introverted and wonder if it will take me a very long time to get over this. I just canít shake the feeling that she was perfect for me in a lot of ways and will be irreplaceable. But then again she wasnít always very nice to me.

Lloyd - howíd your date go? I can see the value in moving on and not stagnating (like Iím doing!). I think Iíve got some grieving to do over my previous marriage and itís being combined with this breakup so Iím giving myself time. Now I wouldnít turn down a roll in the sheets but I just donít have much in me to go looking for it. We all heal differently. Whatever gets us to happiness in the end!
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Old 11th March 2018, 7:00 PM   #104
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Originally Posted by TeddyPSmith View Post
Breadbin - thanks for advice. Iím also pretty introverted and wonder if it will take me a very long time to get over this. I just canít shake the feeling that she was perfect for me in a lot of ways and will be irreplaceable. But then again she wasnít always very nice to me.

Lloyd - howíd your date go? I can see the value in moving on and not stagnating (like Iím doing!). I think Iíve got some grieving to do over my previous marriage and itís being combined with this breakup so Iím giving myself time. Now I wouldnít turn down a roll in the sheets but I just donít have much in me to go looking for it. We all heal differently. Whatever gets us to happiness in the end!
The date went ok, she wants a second one and I agreed, but I am not really sure if I can see anything coming of this.

Overall this weekend was easily my best since the breakup. I kept busy, and didn't think about her too much. That is until now, where the realization that I will never see her again is getting more and more apparent. It doesn't make me breakdown and have an emotional outburst anymore. Instead it makes me feel more somber and defeated.

How was your weekend Teddy? Doing any better?
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Old 11th March 2018, 8:32 PM   #105
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Thatís great man. Iím glad youíre doing better. Progress, no matter the size, is still progress. It sounds like youíre almost there.

I spent half my weekend in bed and miserable and the other half hanging out with friends, having a great time, and building a new life. Itís like extreme ups and downs but I think Iím moving in a direction.

Hey man thanks for checking in. It really means a lot.
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