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Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

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Old 20th February 2018, 5:02 PM   #46
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I can’t sleep more than 3 hours to save my life. I woke up thinking about all the regrets that I have. It feels like I caused most of our problems...or I am hyper aware of the ones I caused. The number 1 cause of my issues is fear/anxiety. I let it run rampant in my mind, predicting every bad thing that could happen and never letting it happen organically. My anxiety was much higher with her than other girlfriends and I think her wilder years prior to me fueled that. She didn’t exactly exude June Cleaver before she had her child. I wonder if I’d stayed on the Lexapdo the whole time of it would’ve resolved the anxiety. I also listened to the advice of my friends about her instead of listening to my heart. There was also the issue of my ex wife. I have to give her credit for being an outstanding mother. I always felt like I’d have to compete with her and my ex gf wasn’t really a stellar mom. I think I could’ve accepted that “ex wife’s house is one way and my house is another” instead of trying to keep up with her. Hell, blending families is hard! Anyway, bottom line is I need to learn to drop things and maybe submit to women a little more.
Can't sleep...Use the time wisely. Clean your place from top-bottom. Workout/go for a run. Read/learn something/watch documentaries. Journal.All kinds of stuff to do that's productive and healthy.


Edit: AND STOP BLAMING YOURSELF!(yes I was yelling at you)
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Old 20th February 2018, 7:33 PM   #47
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It SUCKS that we are going through this but it is good to know that someone else is there. I would do almost anything to be back with her. But the idea that she doesn't want to be with me is what's most crushing. You inspired me saying that you seemed a bit better after 10 days. However I feel WORSE AND WORSE each day. Every day brings a different level of despair and sensations. Crying harder, yelling at myself in the mirror. Denial (she will come back). Man why on earth would you ever want to love if this is what happens when it doesn't work!


I hope to hear more from your side. It brings me comfort. Hopefully I can provide some to you as well.
Yeah I would say the 10 day mark was the first time I didn't feel I had an enormous weight crushing my chest. I am on day 16 now and it is still a huge struggle. So many things remind me of her. I was just in Target, and I almost had to leave because it made me think of us shopping together. I am not used to my serious relationships ending out of nowhere. It's like going cold turkey on a drug you didn't want to stop using.

Hopefully your day has been treating you better. You mentioned not being able to sleep. I started listening to long meditation videos on Youtube that would help me relax. Give it a try if your insomnia returns.

Look forward to hearing about your progress.
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Old 20th February 2018, 7:55 PM   #48
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I used to play Bob Ross and Martha Stewart videos on YouTube. They use to knock me out Cold..until they started reminding me of her
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Old 20th February 2018, 8:50 PM   #49
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I used to play Bob Ross and Martha Stewart videos on YouTube. They use to knock me out Cold..until they started reminding me of her
I can see how those could knock you out cold lol. It sucks when EVERYTHING you do reminds you of her.

I'm forcing myself to go out on my own tonight. Have a couple of beers and watch the Red Wings... I know if I sit home I will replay everything in my head over and over. Not healthy

try and enjoy the night
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Old 21st February 2018, 5:37 AM   #50
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Day 12 - Up again at midnight. I started looking at pictures of her and had a breakdown. I kind of welcome the breakdowns because they eventually relieve emotional tension. Itís the dull, aching depressing states and the aching for her that I canít stand. And those are the more frequent states. I did manage to get out to eat with friends Mon and Tues nights so that was good. I also spoke with one of my wiser friends about it and he gave me some good insight. My guess is that when ďthe fog of warĒ clears, Iíll have a much better picture of what happened. Right now Iím still in shock a bit.

As I read through our last text messages I find myself wondering why I wasnít begging and pleading to get her back. Itís almost as if I guided us to this point. I did clearly ask if there was any chance (got rejected) and asked a second time to make some major changes (rejected again). Then told her a final time that I wanted nobody else (she reassured me that this feeling would pass). So I suppose thatís clearly why I didnít beg and plead. Itís my biggest hope that she one day realizes what she lost or where she went wrong and comes back to me. As stubborn as she is, I canít really see it happening. Man it would be redeeming to hear, though. I guess thatís that deal where nobody ever really gets closure from someone else. It has to come from within or something.
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Old 21st February 2018, 8:18 AM   #51
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Day 12 - Up again at midnight. I started looking at pictures of her and had a breakdown. I kind of welcome the breakdowns because they eventually relieve emotional tension. Itís the dull, aching depressing states and the aching for her that I canít stand. And those are the more frequent states. I did manage to get out to eat with friends Mon and Tues nights so that was good. I also spoke with one of my wiser friends about it and he gave me some good insight. My guess is that when ďthe fog of warĒ clears, Iíll have a much better picture of what happened. Right now Iím still in shock a bit.

As I read through our last text messages I find myself wondering why I wasnít begging and pleading to get her back. Itís almost as if I guided us to this point. I did clearly ask if there was any chance (got rejected) and asked a second time to make some major changes (rejected again). Then told her a final time that I wanted nobody else (she reassured me that this feeling would pass). So I suppose thatís clearly why I didnít beg and plead. Itís my biggest hope that she one day realizes what she lost or where she went wrong and comes back to me. As stubborn as she is, I canít really see it happening. Man it would be redeeming to hear, though. I guess thatís that deal where nobody ever really gets closure from someone else. It has to come from within or something.
Man never beg and plead. Been there and done that years ago and it was embarrassing. There is a difference between fighting for what you want and being needy. As much as it sucks, you have to remember we can only control ourselves and not them. I would rather my ex look back on me with dignity and think "man, I let the wrong one go" then have her think I was a needy, pathetic loser.

It is experience and thinking like this that keeps me to not contacting her. My dignity is all I have left, she doesn't get to know the pain she is constantly causing me.

Have a good day man.
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Old 21st February 2018, 1:53 PM   #52
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Day 12 - Up again at midnight. I started looking at pictures of her and had a breakdown. I kind of welcome the breakdowns because they eventually relieve emotional tension. Itís the dull, aching depressing states and the aching for her that I canít stand. And those are the more frequent states. I did manage to get out to eat with friends Mon and Tues nights so that was good. I also spoke with one of my wiser friends about it and he gave me some good insight. My guess is that when ďthe fog of warĒ clears, Iíll have a much better picture of what happened. Right now Iím still in shock a bit.

As I read through our last text messages I find myself wondering why I wasnít begging and pleading to get her back. Itís almost as if I guided us to this point. I did clearly ask if there was any chance (got rejected) and asked a second time to make some major changes (rejected again). Then told her a final time that I wanted nobody else (she reassured me that this feeling would pass). So I suppose thatís clearly why I didnít beg and plead. Itís my biggest hope that she one day realizes what she lost or where she went wrong and comes back to me. As stubborn as she is, I canít really see it happening. Man it would be redeeming to hear, though. I guess thatís that deal where nobody ever really gets closure from someone else. It has to come from within or something.
Let me guess...You just can't delete the pictures 'in case we get back together.'...If you delete every text...you 'won't be able to look at her words anymore'.. Delete,delete,delete them from your life. No pics,no text,no 'call history',no social media(including their friends)..DELETE..reset and start over.
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Old 21st February 2018, 3:54 PM   #53
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i disagree with this. Looking at pictures helps me to mourn the loss of the relationship. Reading texts helps me to make sense of the last moments of our relationship that I couldn't see because I was in shock. This is part of the healing process. I don't see where deleting things and pretending they didn't happen actually helps. If anything it could repress emotions that would surely rear their ugly heads later down the road. Obviously there is a time limit on looking at pictures and reading texts but just blanket deleting everything seems like kneejerk advice. Ive intentionally repressed emotions in the past and it has caused me quite a lot of anxiety.
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Old 21st February 2018, 7:33 PM   #54
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i disagree with this. Looking at pictures helps me to mourn the loss of the relationship. Reading texts helps me to make sense of the last moments of our relationship that I couldn't see because I was in shock. This is part of the healing process. I don't see where deleting things and pretending they didn't happen actually helps. If anything it could repress emotions that would surely rear their ugly heads later down the road. Obviously there is a time limit on looking at pictures and reading texts but just blanket deleting everything seems like kneejerk advice. Ive intentionally repressed emotions in the past and it has caused me quite a lot of anxiety.
I think everyone is different. Some people just delete and never look back. I always keep the pictures and the text and the cards and anything else. I have a box with stuff from all my exes and every once in awhile I will go through it and it brings a smile to my face. My feelings may have faded, but that doesn't mean the memories do. If you don't want to delete the stuff then don't. Everyone heals their own way.
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Old 22nd February 2018, 8:00 AM   #55
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Last night was kind of rough. Thinking about her constantly is making it difficult to be present with my daughter. Itís ironic that my biggest fear with my ex was that our relationship would interfere with my relationship with my daughter. It was part of my reason for breaking up with her. Itís interfering now more than ever. That will get better as I heal.

This morning woke up sad again but had some thoughts pop up. Inconsistencies in things she said near the end. As I thought through these things i started to get a little angry, as if she was dishonest. I really have to wonder if there was someone else or if she was looking for her exit. Hell, Iíll just list them.

1) 2 months ago said we needed to see a counselor. I agreed to but we never did. At the end she said we just ignored our problems hoping theyíd go away. At the very end when I wanted her back she said that we tried everything there was to try.

2) last year I told her we couldnít move forward until I saw some progress with my daughter. She said it could take years (to warm up to my very personable daughter). At the end she told me that she was ďheaded in that direction but I made it clear thatís not what I wanted. WTF!

3) about a month ago she kept saying we needed to swap our stuff. It almost seemed premature and out of anger. Then she didnít want to swap our stuff but also said there was no chance for us. She said she was waiting until it would be less painful.

4) I asked her to go on a spur of the moment trip right before it ended. We couldnít agree on the place or length of time (I wanted it to be a quick and uncomplicated decision). She said for me to just go with my daughter...so i did. She accused me of using the trip as part of a grand plan to break up with her but ultimately she broke up with me bc I went without her.

5) She accused me of being like a man from the 1950s. Yet I did all the cooking, cleaning, activity planning, etc. I never demanded anything from Then she told me it was like we had some type of role reversal.

Sorry just had to get it out of me. ďFor the recordĒ kind of thing. I donít know Iíd she had someone else or if she was just planning her exit for some time. Iím sure she has her side of the story but this is how I see it.
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Old 22nd February 2018, 8:25 AM   #56
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I guess another option is that she was feeling all of my doubts about our future and got fed up with it. She then started looking for enough motivation to leave.
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Old 23rd February 2018, 9:01 AM   #57
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I finally got some sleep. I had lots of strange dreams last night that I actually remember for once. She wasnít in any of fhen but when I woke up I was immediately reminder of her in a painful way.

I havenít been crying as much. In fact some of the sadness has turned to anger. She ended over a damn vacation, that she was invited on! I was going through a really difficult time in my life (now much more difficult) and she offered me very little support. If the roles were reversed I would never act like that.

I sometimes pump myself up enough to say ďget over her. Donít look backĒ but I still miss her and check up on her Facebook. Time will change that
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Old 23rd February 2018, 9:39 AM   #58
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I sometimes pump myself up enough to say “get over her. Don’t look back” but I still miss her and check up on her Facebook. Time will change that


I am always curious about this when people write that they look at their ex facebook/social media. How does it make you feel to see their posts?

Last edited by LoveShack.org Moderator; 23rd February 2018 at 11:19 AM.. Reason: Fix quote
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Old 23rd February 2018, 10:32 AM   #59
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She doesnít post much. Actually nothing since we stopped talking. However I am familiar with FB stalking techniques and see that sheís posted on othersí walls. Even though the post was benign, i felt a surge of coldl, acidic anxiety surge through my stomach as I realized that sheís probably not wallowing in pain like me. I also realized that she would eventually date and be intimate with someone else. Those thoughts sent me looking for reasons to hate her...because hating is easier than feeling like you were loved but given up on
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Old 23rd February 2018, 12:13 PM   #60
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She doesnít post much. Actually nothing since we stopped talking. However I am familiar with FB stalking techniques and see that sheís posted on othersí walls. Even though the post was benign, i felt a surge of coldl, acidic anxiety surge through my stomach as I realized that sheís probably not wallowing in pain like me. I also realized that she would eventually date and be intimate with someone else. Those thoughts sent me looking for reasons to hate her...because hating is easier than feeling like you were loved but given up on


Facebook stalking techniques? wow, who knew there was such a thing? lol


I guess people look to see if there ex has met someone or are having fun? I don't know. I just wondered how it felt to see a benign post. I don't think I would like it, but I am not sure why it would bother me. I mean, I know she is living her life, why wouldn't she? I don't know. I feel like it would bother me, but just don't know why.
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