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NC totally broken

chassmash

By chassmash,
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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chassmash

chassmash

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My ex broke up with me last month. She says she wants a break. But in the meantime she's been texting me that she misses and loves me. Talk about mixed messages. I suspect another guy on the horizon.

 

I've been responding politely days or hours later. Echoing her feelings. The pain has been passing for me. I've been dating a lot. Made out with a couple of women. I've been working on myself. Getting fitter. Working hard.

 

I do love this woman. But not in a desperate way. I think we could be a great pair. I really been reflecting on my behavior in the relationship and trying to remedy it if possible. But I am prepared to lose her. I've partially accepted it and I've mourned.

 

Today I sent her a happy valentine's text saying I missed her smile. She responded with hearts and kisses. And wishing me well. Yes I know breadcrumbs.

 

Anyway after work I went over to her building and left her flowers and a card. Just said I loved her no matter how we ended up- together or apart.

 

It's a complex situation because I wasn't 100% happy in the relationship either. I am justifying the total breaking of no contact because I am ready to lose her but I also want her back. And I'm following my heart. And on top of all thus I'm not even sure I want her back even though I love her. Yes I know it's confusing

 

I have dates tomorrow and Friday with different women. I'm looking and feeling fine. But still I'm missing her. Almost pining for her in a very disciplined way.

 

Any guidance appreciated

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MindYourBusiness

MindYourBusiness

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If someone truly loves you and wants to be with you he or she would be there. Its that simple. I had to learn that the hard way as well.

Hang in there for now and just see what happens with the dates you will have the next days. I promise it will give you a whole new perspective and will make you feel a lot better!

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MindYourBusiness

MindYourBusiness

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Kinda sounds like she's taking you for granted and thinks you'll always be there. She's gonna realize your worth the second you move on. Focus on yourself for now. Let her go. I know its hard but it will get easier.

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whatnot

whatnot

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It's called "ambivalence".

 

If you're married....while not ideal....it can still be a good thing. Because....marriage is defined as being all in...total commitment. And when there's ambivalence....there's something to keep working with.

 

 

In the dating game where "I love you's" are conditional and less than the ultimate commitment...it's usually the kiss of death

 

good luck

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chassmash

chassmash

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She just called me crying. Very touched that I left flowers. We told each other we loved each other. But she doesn't want to get back together now maybe later. She told me I lacked the hunger she had. She told me I was the nicest man she ever dated etc. She told me there was no other guy. She cried a lot more

 

 

I don't feel much now. It's like water flowing over a rock. I am moving forward.

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CaliBabe

CaliBabe

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It doesn't make sense, if she loves you she will be with you. She said she doesn't want to get back together... She can't miss you when you're still in contact and buying her flowers. Cold hard NC really makes people wake up and more importantly gives clarity. Go NC asap.

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chassmash

chassmash

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Yes I agree.

 

But it’s not 100% simple. A lot of I miss you, I love you,?❤️? stuff on text. And then the negative to getting back together.

 

I’m going hard nc for at least a couple of months.

 

 

Mentally I’m fine right now.

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CantTakeMySmile

CantTakeMySmile

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Yes I agree.

 

But it’s not 100% simple. A lot of I miss you, I love you,?❤️? stuff on text. And then the negative to getting back together.

 

I’m going hard nc for at least a couple of months.

 

 

Mentally I’m fine right now.

 

 

 

 

 

I feel that it could be ore simple if you didn't allow her to contact you

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chassmash

chassmash

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I agree but the problem is she is saying she loves me, misses me, crys a lot etc. She's not much of a liar.

 

Our real issue is twofold. I couldn't fully commit in the relationship and also I have 2 kids that took a lot of time away from her. I will always prioritize my kids.

 

I think she is making a cost benefit analysis and perhaps going to look for someone more available while she feels she still can. So it's not a clean cut thing. I do love her and respect her. I'm not falling apart or desperate but I am sad and I may want her back given our compatability.

 

My plan is to go NC up to a point. I won't initiate contact. But if she texts I'll respond after a minimum of 12 hours. I am following my heart and my brain. I think that I do need to make her miss me. And a little jealousy on her part never hurt in moderation.I'm going to play the field a bit and see what happens.

 

There is a chance I'll find someone I prefer.

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d0nnivain

d0nnivain

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There in lies the problem. You said yourself that you could not fully commit. You want to go back to the way things were. You love each other & she was their on your schedule & within your parameters. She wants more. She doesn't dislike you. She probably does love you but broke up because she wants more then you are willing or able to give.

 

If you really want her back AND you are willing to change, ask her what it would take / what the relationship would have to look like for her to reconcile with you. If you are unable or unwilling to give her that, then you both need to accept that you are at an impasse.

 

Her saying she needs a break is badly worded acknowledgement that you are a good guy who does some nice things like leave flowers but that she is recognizing that it's not enough & she's selling herself short being with a guy who won't fully commit. She's trying to figure out if she is weak enough to settle for what you are offering. .

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CantTakeMySmile

CantTakeMySmile

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My plan is to go NC up to a point. I won't initiate contact. But if she texts I'll respond after a minimum of 12 hours. I am following my heart and my brain. I think that I do need to make her miss me. And a little jealousy on her part never hurt in moderation.I'm going to play the field a bit and see what happens.

 

 

 

Game playing.

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CantTakeMySmile

CantTakeMySmile

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Is it pretty common for people to put time constraints on such things as texting and responding to texts etc. I notice a lot of the post here say things like "she wrote back in six minutes, or he wrote back in 11 hours."

 

 

Jeez, if I had to worry about stuff like that I would poke my eye balls out.

 

 

Is the length of time someone takes to respond directly correlated to how much they love or care about you?

 

 

I hope not! I only respond when I feel like it or have time.

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CantTakeMySmile

CantTakeMySmile

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I think it's important to time your responses sometimes. Just like sometimes when you speak it's your gestures that matter more than your words

 

 

 

What does a short response time mean compared to a long response time?

 

 

If you want to talk to someone, wouldn't it seem counterintuitive to not respond just because you need to wait a predetermined time?

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