lonewolf88 Posted February 14, 2018 Share Posted February 14, 2018 First I just want to say I have read these forums for ages, but never posted before. It's a great site. ~2 years ago I did a ton of self reflection and began dating with intention. Also there were many positive effects in other areas and I'm in such a better place now. Around this time I met a guy and I was just thrilled he was interested in me. It was the first time in so long I felt someone really liked me as a person and not just showing me off or trying to get sex. He's an amazing catch. He has a job making good money and was generous, always paying for me. He is fit which is important to me due to my lifestyle. We got along well reg. shared values. I'm trying to keep this short but as you guys know the details always feel so important. Well long story short he's an alcoholic. I just want him to stop and I feel so cheated and upset. I believe at his current pace he will kill himself like this. So much of our happiness together and relationship milestones have been robbed and so much of my time and happiness has been sacrificed to his alcoholism. I honestly don't know what to do. I don't think we ever had a real relationship which hurts me so much since I worked so hard to get to a place where I can have a relationship with a good guy. Now I feel like I don't even know what a relationship looks like. I worked so hard on myself and I thought I learned how to gauge and trust others but all I got was one more set of red flags to look out for. I'm embarrassed that people ask me what are our plans for Valentine's day when our last interaction was him screaming at me and claiming he's not ready to give up vodka. Even besides the fact i don't think we can be together I'm concerned that this guy as my friend and a person I was so happy and shy to meet is literally just slowly killing himself. It's seriously weird to see someone who is successful, friendly, generous, and strong turn into a dramatically different person who is weak, mean, and stupid because of drinking. I guess I just don't know how to deal with my feelings. I feel rotten inside. I don't know if I should try to help him; I was thinking to tell his family and friends and see if an invention could be set up. But I also feel hurt and angry with him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted February 14, 2018 Share Posted February 14, 2018 i have this video i just watched its on addiction.....it helps to know your true enemy......the substance abuse....it really helped me gain clarity ....i have three addicted young adults not to alcohol but to the demon ice....substance abuse is a disease addiction is a disease.....its from my church actually but it contains a scientific truth and spiritual truth... please watch the video with an open mind and an open heart i feel it will help you even if a little... like you i have no control over my kids addictions ...i feel so helpless and frustrated and depressed ...but i will not abandon them....i just wont..the only way i would go is if it kills me staying.... you have no control either btu you can choose to leave if it is too much for you to go through.......i have to face their addictions with them they are my family..... so knowing what addiction actually is... gave me my first step....first slice of hope......i am scared for them i pray they will make it its not ours to fix lonewolf but we can stand beside them and face their battles with them not for them...we don't have to agree with bad behaviors we dont have to agree with how they live their life we can specify that it isnt done in our homes or around us that si really important for our own sanity.... we can hope and we can be there when they realise enough is enough and they want to heal....then thats when we can work....and help them....they have to take a step forward too...we cant take steps for them.... i dont know if you should break up or stay...search your heart talk to his parents or friends ....see what they say...voice your concern....and heres the video....when you begin a battle you must know who the enemy is....and drug and alcohol addiction is a war many face...and many people have made it through adn have their loved ones back to who they were before...brains can heal from addiction.....i have to believe in that......and i wish you well 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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